Do you and your family eat dinner around a table ?

[Nicebitofsquirrell]

Meal times have changed a lot in the last decade I think, parents are working longer hours, kids are doing more evening activities and the ides of eating around the table and talking about your day seems very foreign to a lot of children. It's not uncommon for primary age children to have never eaten at a table before and they've said they eat on a sofa with the telly on.

Do you and your family regularly eat around a table and discuss your day without a TV or radio on?

I used to really enjoy it when I was younger and when we stopped because of work patterns it made it much easier for me to hide my ED as no one was watching my food intake.

It's definitely something I want to bring to my family

Yes, every night and most lunchtimes too. We're a Brotish/Italian family in Italy though. It definitely hasn't died out here!

Not only do we eat at the table, but we also always have cloth napkins. I think I'm the only person who likes them! It's a farmhouse table in our kitchen, so all very relaxed but we always lay the table, have a water jug and napkins.

Also we do have enough room for a table for all of us but we only have room for one sofa and we wouldn't all fit on! (If we're all watching tv we have a beanbag we bring in and floor cushions). So it's not really a treat to eat on the sofa, it's a pain.

Oh yes, we have cloth napkins too!

We nearly always eat our evening meal at the table. More for ease of clear up than anything else but also I find it really awkward and uncomfortable trying to eat a meal off my lap, I’m ok with sandwiches etc but struggle with stuff that requires cutlery.

I think this was a common experience and it’s a bit of a shame because hen it comes to getting my teens to talk the table is the place and although we will natter with them at other times it’s just not the same as the time you have to really listen to each other over dinner. I really didn’t understand how precious that time is until they became teenagers and spent lots of time in their rooms - often working but dinner brought them out talking about the good the bad and the ugly.

Honestly I think being able to sit at a table, eat nicely with appropriate cutlery and have a conversation with those around you is a life skill same as cycling. You teach it until it has become engrained and then it’s automatic.

I don't actually consider cycling a life skill, one of my DC never learned and are doing ok without it.

Do you really think that because we don't eat together round a table that we are all feral with no idea how to use 'appropriate cutlery' and have a conversation? Really? Just because we don't, doesn't mean we can't. It's a choice we make that suits us.

Interesting theme throughout this thread is how those who eat at a table seem to feel they are somewhat superior to those who don't. Those who don't seem to feel the need to excuse or explain their choice. It's not wrong, just different.

We sit at the table the majority of the time. Once a week is an awkward night for activities and everyone eats at different times and we tend to sit in the kitchen at the island to eat.
Very occasionally we'll have pizza in front of a film, not in the main living room though. A chain reaction starting with a spilled drink and culminating in three plates of of takeaway curry being tipped over the sofa and carpet, helpfully trodden in by a wailing toddler lead to the living room being food free!

Letting the DC serve themselves from dishes on the table really helped us when they were going through the toddler fussy eating stage.

Bet you’re on the sofa with your ‘inappropriate’ cutlery as we speak...and not even going out cycling at the weekend, you’ll be driving or walking I suppose....honestly, this is what’s wrong with the world. 😂😂😂

Sadly my children are naturally feral and would be eating with their hands grunting at YouTube and wiping their hands on the furniture. Hopefully all the years of making them sit at a table will mean they don’t regress in later life

If your children are able to manage without years of training then I would very much say they are the superior ones.

We eat all meals at a properly set table in the dining-room.

Honestly I think being able to sit at a table, eat nicely with appropriate cutlery and have a conversation with those around you is a life skill same as cycling. You teach it until it has become engrained and then it’s automatic.
I'd agree being able to sit at a table and have appropriate manners and maintain conversation is a useful life skill, but I don't think you have to eat every meal at a table at home to achieve that.

My DC certainly don't eat every meal at the table (it depends on the meal and what's being eaten), but our family has a lot of conversation in life, we spend more time as a family than we do on individuals doing activities, and our DC are perfectly capable of holding their own appropriately round a table, or at a picnic and any other social occasion.

After growing up in a home that seemed to overly emphasise the importance of eating at the table, part of me now thinks some parents think they get parent points for amount of time spent at the table.

No. Used to when they were little, dh is an intolerant git and found it very stressful, defaulted to me sitting with them with a cup of tea while they ate and I chatted. Dh and I eat separately quite late. Food isn't really a big deal in our house and we all have different diets (meat, vegan, veggie). We sometimes go out for a meal together.

so glad I'm.not the only one! Nothing to do with etiquette, just that I hate having food around my mouth - probably far more to do with the fact I'm a messy eater!

@Badbudgeter

Sadly my children are naturally feral and would be eating with their hands grunting at YouTube and wiping their hands on the furniture. Hopefully all the years of making them sit at a table will mean they don’t regress in later life

I don't really know what you mean about them regressing in later life because they sit at a table? Why would they regress?

If your children are able to manage without years of training then I would very much say they are the superior ones.

Not superior at all, in fact I really resent that comment.

Unfortunately not. I'd like to but we don't have space for a table big enough for us all day to day. We have an extendable table which does get extended for special occasions but it's a PITA to move it everyday. We have a living/ dining area and kitchen separate. The dining bit has become a study area for WFH. There is enough rooms for the kids on one drop leaf of the table so they eat there. DH and I eat on trays. We still talk though. We're all in the same room.

Yes, every night for dinner, on rare occasions, just dc eat and dh and I might have an adults meal later (like birthdays/anniversaries). We often eat weekend lunches around a table too - obviously if a roast, unless we are out for the day.

That said, as a child growing up in the 80s/90s, I rarely recall eating as a family. Maybe only for Christmas/Easter, etc. Or if we went out for a meal. I ate most nights at my grandparents and they'd eat in the kitchen and I'd eat on a tray watching tv. When I was older and more likely to be at home (after they passed), mum and I would also largely eat in front of the tv.

I think the idea of all eating and chatting about our day together is lovely, but i think its a bit of a fantasy. Our family is all autistic and I find the noise and bustle of family dinners to be painful. Theyre all so loud. I just find it hard to see why its so important when I generally find it unpleasant. I like spending time with all my family one to one, but all of us together at the same time is too much.

I do sometimes feel bad when i read about h0w important certain things that we dont do are, but also think that in our own home is where we get to relax and exist in ways that we work out for ourselves.

It was certainly a top tip from ds's teachers - who thought that I could improve my parenting if I ate dinner with my kids every night, somehow that would "fix" ds - who was later diagnosed with ASD. They were a tad surprised when I told them we ate as a family every meals time since they could get into their Tripp Trap chairs. It's not the cause or the solution to everything.
We enjoy it, so we do it. I think the description from the previous poster learn to eat nicely with appropriate cutlery and have a conversation with those around - sounds so stiff, dull and worthy. It should be relaxed and fun - good company and good food.

@Branleuse sitting to the table does not equal good parenting.

Also - as a youth worker for many years until I become a sw, I have never been able to tell which dc sat up and which didn't.

Yes, mine are now 12, 14 and 16 and we have always eaten most meals at the dining table. We do not allow TV/radio or electronics at the table. Occasionaly phones are used if someone needs to google something to prove a fact or confirm thier argument!!

Breakfast - eaten at the table but nowadays indvidually as everyone gets ready in thier own order for school/work and are up at different times on the weekend but if doing a cooked breakfast on the weekend we all sit together.

Lunch - eaten together if all home and having the same thiing otherwise people sort thier own

Dinner - always together at the table unless someone is out at an activity and they eat earlier/later. Very occasionally we have a takeaway pizza and eat it together in front of the TV.

I think it is a valuable time to talk without other pressures and distractions, encourages discussion and debate and just keeps that family bond together at a time when teens are generally making thier own lives. I also believe as younger children it encouraged them to eat a wider variety of foods as they saw the others enjoing it.
If you eat in front of the TV it is proven you are not as concious of what you are eating so can eat more than you should etc.

I

Every breakfast and dinner - not always all of us but when the kids were littler if one was eating on their own I would always sit with them to eat as it feels mean to leave them to eat alone.
An occasional Saturday night treat is pizza on the sofa but all other meals are eaten at the table.
Now the kids are older teens they eat in their rooms sometimes when were not here but also will eat at the table which I love, at this age can be the most time I get to spend with them and that they spend with each other, its so important for family bonding I think.

A mix.

I was forced every single meal to sit at the table as a child and I hated it. Dh also absolutely loathed it esp with his parents.

My dc are well versed in table manners and behaving and sitting at the table however we don't have an inflexible forced regime. We adore our TV dinners as well..

We tend to eat mote regularly in summer outside.

Yes, pretty much every day. More relaxed eating we might sit up to the island. I have banned eating on the living room sofa. Its slovenly and who wants to have to spend their time hoovering crumbs under the cushions.

We enjoy it, so we do it. I think the description from the previous poster learn to eat nicely with appropriate cutlery and have a conversation with those around - sounds so stiff, dull and worthy. It should be relaxed and fun - good company and good food
I can't believe what your child's teacher said! That's awful.

I agree with you about it sounding stiff. It seems to stem from the attitude that sitting at the table is the superior way to parent.

If we want to watch something on the TV as a family, we have a TV dinner and talk about what we've watched. If we want to have a picnic lunch outside on the grass or patio, we do. If we want the summer garden furniture out, we do. If we want to eat at the dining table, we do. I sometimes let DC eat their (non messy) lunches inside their den if they've made one. It's a few crumbs that will hover up so I don't care.

I think the emphasis on sitting down at a table is probably more important for families who don't spend quality time together or that's their main conversation time, which I can see happening if you've got teens, but I'd be really disappointed if the main way I got to have quality conversations with my DC is by insisting they sit at the table every meal time.