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Original poster

Bullying - what (if anything) ends it in your experience?

68 replies

Cordycepscharlie · 22/03/2023 20:24

DS age 13 is being targeted at school by another boy in his year - the usual name calling & taunting escalating to a couple of physical assaults over the past week.

School is aware but pretty useless so far.

His cousin was also bullied a few years ago (another school) and it didn’t stop until he fought back and punched his bully. I’m wondering if that’s really the only effective way to end bullying?

Anyone want to share what worked for you / your DC? Any teachers out there who want to share their opinions on the best way to deal with this?

OP posts:

Ihatebullies2022 · 22/03/2023 20:27

I wish to god I knew because I can't get the little shits to stop hurting my DS.

Suzi888 · 22/03/2023 20:28

Fight back. I would never have suggested this, but I know two teachers and both have said (off the record of course). Hit back, hard.

No it isn’t the right thing to do and there may be consequences, may not always work but seems to be the best way to end it.

pettysquabbles · 22/03/2023 20:29

My son was bullied until he floored the bully one breaktime. Totally stopped form that moment.

Greydog · 22/03/2023 20:30

Have to agree with fighting back - my son was bullied until he smacked the bully. No further problems

BiffChipsandKippers · 22/03/2023 20:32

In my personal experience, hitting back twice as hard. Would never start anything myself as a child, and would be fuming if DC did, however, this is what stopped my bully and I would advise my DC the same.

Original poster

Cordycepscharlie · 22/03/2023 20:34

@Ihatebullies2022 So sorry to hear that, it’s so unfair our kids have to deal with these little psychos. Hope things improve for your DS soon.

OP posts:

GoldZip · 22/03/2023 20:36

I know it's not considered good advice today but I had this sort of taunting when I was 13yo.

My dad said ignore them, they'll soon get bored. And it worked like magic. The first time they got no response from me it just stopped. I just pretended not to hear and carried on and they never did it again.

TomHanksIsFuckingAmazing · 22/03/2023 20:38

Never hit first. Always hit back.

Standbyguest · 22/03/2023 20:40

A good hard smack in the gob. Bullies need to be shown up and embarrassed.

Ihatebullies2022 · 22/03/2023 20:41

Advising hitting back is all fine and dandy when they're equally matched. But my DS is only 9 and is being bullied by a pack of 4/5 feral 11/12 year olds.

Original poster

Cordycepscharlie · 22/03/2023 20:41

@GoldZip He’s ignored the taunting like a trooper, but now it’s escalated & this kid has hurt him twice in the last week - once in a lesson with the teacher in the room!!

OP posts:

Bobbi730 · 22/03/2023 20:42

Until very recently, I would have said violence solves nothing but last week, the boy that has been bullying my son for months, pushed him a bit far and my son hit him. This week there has been nothing, the bully has avoided him and left him alone. I told my son that I don't advocate hitting someone but honestly, he's been so miserable and he's so much happier since he stood up for himself. Thankfully, no teachers saw so it seems to have solved the problem with no consequences. I saw this when I was at school too with someone punching the school bully and it all stopped. It's a bit rubbish that it's this way but secondary school seems to be survival of the fittest!

LakeTiticaca · 22/03/2023 20:44

Original poster

Cordycepscharlie · 22/03/2023 20:48

@LakeTiticaca He already does martial arts (since age 4 or 5) and is pretty handy, but also a kind & gentle soul and not a fighter.

I think it’s going to come to that sooner or later though.

OP posts:

Gymmum82 · 22/03/2023 20:52

Either hit them hard. Or if they are older/stronger/bigger. Get an older lad/girl to threaten them. That’s the only thing that worked for DN. Friend of her older brother went and threatened the bully. Shoved them a bit. Never went near her again

donkir · 22/03/2023 20:55

I am now 41 and got bullied horrendously throughout school. It has affected my whole life. By year 10 I had had enough and decided to fight back. I won and never got bullied again.
As much as I don't advocated hitting someone I think as long as you don't start the fight just make sure you end it.

Goodread1 · 22/03/2023 20:59

Bullies are shits really for doing what they do

I don't like them at all

gettingolderandgrumpier · 22/03/2023 21:09

Bullies pray on the vulnerable and the weak to make themselves feel better. ignoring doesn’t work what works is standing up to them show you are confident , I know easier said than done.
it really annoys me when I hear schools do so little about bullying.

Im99912 · 22/03/2023 21:18

Generally a good punch in the face 😂to the bully
Or having an older brother relative who is willing to do it

Original poster

Cordycepscharlie · 22/03/2023 22:52

Thanks for the responses everyone.

Any teachers about? Would be interested to know your thoughts too.

OP posts:

Cuppa123 · 22/03/2023 23:29

Cordycepscharlie · 22/03/2023 22:52

Thanks for the responses everyone.

Any teachers about? Would be interested to know your thoughts too.

I'm a secondary school teacher and have two boys aged 12 and 13. Like your son, they've been doing martial arts from the age of 5. Both gentle lads too, but skilled kickboxers. I have told them if they are ever being bullied physically at school, they speak to me first about it and I go to the school to get it sorted. If it isn't sorted by the school, then they are to hit back twice as hard as the bully hit them. If the school had a problem with that, I would park myself at the principal's office until it was sorted out.

MrsRandom123 · 23/03/2023 00:01

Suzi888 · 22/03/2023 20:28

Fight back. I would never have suggested this, but I know two teachers and both have said (off the record of course). Hit back, hard.

No it isn’t the right thing to do and there may be consequences, may not always work but seems to be the best way to end it.

I have drummed it into my kids from
primary that whilst they are never to hit first if someone (whether at school, a club, in the street) hits them then have to hit them back & i’ve always said hit them hard. I don’t condone fighting but i do think defending yourself from the get go is the only way.

i was bullied at school & only stopped when there was a physical fight - they’d shoved me a few times & had been picking on me for months verbally then one day she pushed me over before pe when i was tying my shoes and i went for her and pushed her back. She of course grabbed me and before i knew it we were both on the ground fighting & i gave as good as i got. whilst i got the odd comment going forward when they were in a group none of them ever hit me again or came close enough to.

my husband was also picked on at school briefly mainly by a group from a different area saying they were going to jump him or following him l& after a few weeks he didn’t wait to be hit first - he cornered the main instigator when he was on his own & punched him. That also stopped. I do think sometimes it’s the only way to show they can’t push you around. Also, sometimes you won’t be able to stop a fight if someone is coming for you & so even if you lose you fight back as best as you can & not cower. It’s scary as i know they can pull weapons now or attack in a group and so maybe my husbands response of getting in there first is better than my wait to hit one.

Lucia23 · 23/03/2023 00:20

Tbh I was bullied briefly and a conversation between the bullies parents and my parents sorted it. I reckon she was giving a stern telling off - we actually became friends later but I doubt that's the norm!

ohfook · 23/03/2023 00:31

I hate to say it but fighting back. It's too much hassle to bully someone if every time you start it escalates into a fight.

I spent months telling my kid to just tell a teacher. I changed to 'just give him a shove' with the caveat that you might get in trouble at school but I'll back you up and it's been fine ever since.

Namechangingagain111 · 23/03/2023 00:38

I was bullied for ages
It stopped the day I punched back.

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