Bullying - what (if anything) ends it in your experience?

[Cordycepscharlie]

DS age 13 is being targeted at school by another boy in his year - the usual name calling & taunting escalating to a couple of physical assaults over the past week.

School is aware but pretty useless so far.

His cousin was also bullied a few years ago (another school) and it didn’t stop until he fought back and punched his bully. I’m wondering if that’s really the only effective way to end bullying?

Anyone want to share what worked for you / your DC? Any teachers out there who want to share their opinions on the best way to deal with this?

I was bullied as a girl until I floored my bully. It did work a charm, I have to say! I personally think all girls should study martial arts so they feel confident that they can defend themselves.

I posted last year about the terrible bullying my DD had. I didn’t know how it could stop as there were so many girls involved and it had really escalated. We were trying to change schools as she had missed so many days.
Luckily for us, the school really stepped up, they dealt with the bullies, broke up the gangs of girls, supported my DD and communicated with us really well. They introduced new procedures to try to prevent things escalating like that again and brought in a new support system for the bullies so they could be isolated from the others but still supported and ‘encouraged’ to change.
This year the bullies mostly leave DD alone and her confidence is much better so she isn’t reacting to every sly comment or scowl and just ignores them which stops it escalating again. The bullies keep arguing amongst themselves now!
I honestly didn’t think they would be able to turn it around but they really have. Just want to give some others hope that it can get better!

@Chias Thanks for the teacher’s point of view, I don’t doubt these situations are often complex & hard to resolve.

My DS doesn’t have a history of being picked on & has friends who have stood up for him, however I think the fact that he is generally kind & easy going has made him an easy target. I doubt he would be getting this hassle if he was a little thug. Whatever the reason for the bullying, I can’t send him in to school to get the shit beaten out of him on a regular basis so have to try & find a solution. I’d rather he was in trouble at school for defending himself than miserable & missing his education because he was too scared to go to school.

Bullied for 4 years, ignoring did nothing (because pretty much all the class laughed along so the bullies got plenty of positive reaction), only changed when we went up to high school and I purposely chose a girls school, thereby ensuring that all the little sods who bullied me (pretty much all boys) couldn't follow.
Fight back seems to work well, but is a bit daunting for a girl being bullied by a gang of boys. In my case changing schools, or at least class would have been the best solution. No teacher ever seemed to hear the things that were being said to me, it pretty much all happened in class.

Look up Brook Gibbs YouTube.His videos on how to deal with verbal bullying are really good. As for the physical stuff, I’m afraid the best way is to fight back. If your DS has been doing martial arts his could definitively manage. He would only have to do it once.

I feel like a lot of this advice is quite reckless. The problem is many bullies are very manipulative. Fight back either physically or verbally and your child might end up being the one accused of bullying. If your child hits back too hard they could be the one suspended or excluded from school especially if the bully has friends who are prepared to relate a false account. I would say gather evidence and pursue the school for action.

My year 7 daughter was targeted by a group of girls in her year. I found out when they waited outside school and pushed her off her bike into a hedge and she came home extremely upset because she had felt so powerless to do anything. I rang the school and her form teacher dealt with it immediately. The girls parents were informed and they were kept at school late every evening for the next week. They never bothered her again. Schools can deal with this stuff if they choose to and I would always try that first. Follow their procedures, which should be on the website and if nothing happens report to the police as an assault. Schools hate that happening, but just because physical violence has happened in a school environment it doesn’t make it legal. It might force the school to do something.

@Spudina Thanks, I will have a look.

@LucidLamp I think my DS’s bully has already starting getting his friends to give false accounts unfortunately as the bully & his mate had already been & given written statements before my DS yesterday. Obviously getting in first as they anticipated my son reporting them. I’d take an exculsion if it meant it stoped TBH.

My friends DD was horrendously bullied by a group of boys in S1. Her mum spoke to the school, contacted parents and police. Nothing worked.. until my Friends DH lost it and dragged one of the dads out theirs front door and threatened him I front of one of the bullies. It stopped after that. Don’t normally condone violence but friends DD Was suicidal by this point…

@Cordycepscharlie Your son’s bully sounds like a total menace, so I would definitely speak to the school about it. Some schools are better than others at dealing with it. If nothing else, your son won’t get into as much trouble if he does decide to fight back.

The two worst bullies at DH’s school are now in prison. One of them for murder. It is horrible that children have to deal with people like this in the classroom. As an adult, it is generally easier to avoid them.

Standing up to him

I hate to admit it but when it was my child I told hi. To forget all I had taught him about negotiating and punch him hard.

Never happened again

Unfortunately the only thing that stopped my bully( who had kicked me so many times my legs were literally black and blue) was when I hit the little shit back.
My parents had been into school and nothing stopped it until that day I basically hit them back- very hard. I have vague memories of them trying to befriend me after that, err no, piss off you little bastard I will never be your friend. It’s a very long time ago and yes the emotion is still raw.
My dd was bullied by an equally vile cretin. In the end I had a word with the bully. The bullying stopped. The bully now has 2 children to different fathers neither of whom have anything to do with her or her kids. She doesn’t work. She tried to befriend dd, like me dd told her to never, ever try to speak to her.
Likewise my son in law, now a successful, fit and muscly man told his bully not to even try and communicate with him after the hell he had put him through at school.
I make zero apologies for never engaging with these types of people.
Op- I’m sorry you and your child are having to suffer this. As I said I will never forgive the piece of shit who attacked me in a daily basis. If it was today I believe the police would be involved my injuries were so bad.

Thanks everyone, DS has just left for school & is obviously worried about what’s going to happen today. Im waiting for another call from his head of year.

Oh and all this ‘nicely nicely’ approach dies not work.
Schools need to clamp down hard on this behaviour. However I truely believe it stems from the bully’s home life. You don’t have to look far to see where the pattern begins.

Never throw re first punch, but make sure you throw the last.

Unfortunately I have to agree with all PPs, you have to defend yourself.

my son was bullied by one particular boy several years ago. I told him that he would try to sort it out by himself for one week, then I would talk to the school (I had already then heard so many stories about other boys being targeted and hit, that I had no confidence in the school).

we looked online for funny insults and put downs. Whenever the boy said something mean, my son insulted him back but in a way that made bystanders laugh. When the boy hit him, he punched back aiming 10cm behind the nose. It took a week, then the bully moved on (to bully someone else). But I also told my son that if he started anything himself, I would come down on him like a ton of bricks.

Nobody would target my son now. He is one of the shortest in his year and very skinny. But bullies don’t want someone who fights back, verbally or physically. They want to intimidate and hurt weaker people.

I’ve taught my children to hit back twice as hard the very first time anything kicks off .

I’ve also told their teachers that I will never be cross with them for defending themselves in that manner. I said it in front of my son as well which meant it was all out in the open