Year 7 child with severe anxiety attending school

[HomeSchoolNovice]

I’m hoping that someone can help me with and tips to help with my DS’s severe anxiety relating to attending high school. He started in September and was ok up to Christmas. He was getting the bus, navigating his way around ok. We had the odd days of him not wanting to attend school but all was ok and manageable. He had one meltdown one night over homework - he had to finish it that night and then just collapsed. We had an awful night with him being so restless and jumpy in his sleep but he was ok the following day.

I have no idea what happened over Christmas but he now cannot get the school bus at all. He has been allowed to go into school early to see if that helps but it hasn’t. We have to coax him out of bed. Sometimes he’s really angry, some times he is so anxious he can’t breathe. He adopts toddler type speaking and flaps his arms around - this is all done Christmas. He’s run away from school a few times. He has to have a teacher come out to get him most mornings as he refuses to get out of the car. A few times he’s locked himself in so they can’t get I’m with him. He is genuinely terrified of something but we can’t work out what. This morning he physically jumped away from his uniform when he saw it and is not putting this on at all. He shakes, can barely speak, hyperventilates etc. the school has been fabulous and he is receiving extra help from the pastoral care team. He has also started CBT to see if that helps.

its affecting the whole family as all the focus is on him every school day. We feel exhausted before 9am and our other DS just has to fend for himself until his brother has gone. However, his report is good and he has a full attendance record with only one late mark. He’s begged to be home schooled but this is a very last resort.

has anyone else been through this and can offer some tips/coping strategies please? His anxiety relates to school only ie the physical school building. He had gone on school trips with no issue at all and has no issue doing his homework. He’s out with friends at the weekend so it’s a very specific trigger that he can’t verbalise to us at the moment.

many thanks

Do look at s.19 provision via the LA as that can provide online schooling. And apply for an EHCNA as an EHCP can fund online school and also therapies such as CBT and much more.
 You might be eligible for transport too so that’s something else to look at.

He doesn’t go to form or 1st period on a Monday as he is too distressed. He’ll just join period 2 as normal.

Thank you. I’m going to look at all
of this tonight as this is a whole new area to me!

Do you have money for an online school or a hybrid school like Portland where he only has to go in once a week or so and the rest of the lessons are online?

We had a similar situation after DD failed to transition to secondary school

Long story short, I applied for an EHCP and whilst waiting for them to assess moved her to an online school

Eventually she had an EHCP granted and because she was settled and achieving at the online school funding was granted

DD stayed online till the end of her A levels and transitioned well to University last September where she is doing amazingly

If she had stayed at the original school she would almost certainly not be with us now so anything was better than that, but in fact she thrived and medication helped with her anxiety in an environment she could control

There will always be criticism of online schooling but it worked for us and DD achieved brilliant grades in an environment that worked for her

Yes we can afford an online school if needed. I sm
hoping though it would only be temporary until we could get him back to his mainstream
school.

My priority if I were you would be getting a private diagnosis

My DSs school is independent, an ASD specialist but it’s funded by the LA via DSs EHCP. There are some LA maintained specialist schools , in my LA 1, schools for children who are capable academically but anxious and need a smaller environment.

There is also tutoring available for those who cannot attend school.

The alternative provision is there but it’s often a fight to access it.

If it’s not been mentioned before do look up Naomi Fisher an educational psychologist who writes a lot about school refusal due to anxiety. Mainstream sometimes just doesn’t suit some children.

My DD in year 7, cracked at Feb HT she’s autistic private diagnosis last year after 4yrs of primary school saying she wasn’t as academically bright. She is now on a heavily modified timetable in mainstream school only in half her lessons to allow her to cope and lots of time in the Sen hub, or small groups or 1:1. This is without a EHCP in place…yet.
Be aware that CBT can sometimes not be suitable for neuro diverse young people as it’s not them that need to change but the environment they are in.

Thank you. I can fight for it, it’s just how long it takes. I think firstly I’ll speak to
the school on a more formal basis and his CBT therapist to put a plan in place. I have some time given the holidays, and DS can relax at home which is his safe space. He’s currrently playing happily on his Xbox with his friends. I can hear him laughing as they are building their minecraft football stadium. Love him
so much.

I would look at getting an educational psychologist assessment, they can be amazing at finding why your child is struggling and recommending what to put into place. We knew DS was struggling but the Ed psych (private, much more thorough than LA) very clearly stated DSs difficulties.

Thank you. Can you (or anyone else) recommend anyone? I can travel anywhere in E,Wand S.

Provision under s.19 of the Education Act 1996 should be provided once it becomes clear the pupil will be absent for 15 days. The days don’t need to have already been missed or consecutive. If it isn’t provided you can force the LA to provide it, via judicial review if necessary. It isn’t immediate, but is relatively quick compared to e.g. SENDIST wait times.

Personally, unless money is no object I wouldn’t seek an independent EP assessment now before applying for an EHCNA. Anyone decent will have a waiting list and you don’t want to delay applying for an EHCNA. Also, if you apply for an EHCP and have to appeal, as many do, by the time you get to a hearing any report now may well be considered out of date. Previously reports were considered up to date for around 2 years, but over the last few years SENDIST have considered reports much younger out of date. And, if the LA e.g. agree to assess but not issue you may decide instead you desperately need to target your money at e.g. independent OT and SALT reports and the LA EP report will do (not brilliant but satisfactory compared to the need to get independent SALT and OT).

Yes do keep track if he carries on missing school. I had no idea about the obligation of the LA to provide an education if 15 days were missed the first time this happened and the school certainly won't flag this up.

I knew about it this time around and spoke with the EWO as soon as we were up to 15 days. With a lot of pushing and battling we have just been granted 12.5 hours a week of a tutor coming to the house to teach English, maths and science starting tomorrow.

If I had my time again I would be so much more vocal and more quickly. Otherwise they just get lost.

Contact the childrens mental health team for your area and speak to your gp. He needs to find ways to deal with his anxiety or he may become poorly with his mental health. My child went through the same at the start of secondary. Building to big, busy and expectation to much. I didn’t deregister and have had tutors provided by local authority/ehcp. It wasn’t easy though. My child is in a much better place now and due to start a small specialist school soon.

Hi OP. I have a 12 year old like this and it is absolutely exhausting me, every morning is such a battle and I am at my wits end. The 'not fine in school' Facebook group has been great to help me not feel so alone.

I considered withdrawing him and online schooling him too, but he doesn't want that and I worry he'll really suffer from not developing his social skills.

Anyway, no advice really, just solidarity.

That's great he's had a good day today. He reminds me a little of my DS.

Is he very routine driven? Might sound daft but ask him if he would feel more at ease going into school via a different door, saying goodbye to you using certain words, wearing a super comfortable version of the uniform. He might feel better being in control of these small things.

@lemonsaretheonlyfruit Just so you know 12.5 hours is not considered a suitable full time education, so you can push for more. Provision should also offer a “broad and balanced curriculum” “equivalent to the education they would receive in school” so shouldn’t be limited to English, Maths and Science unless no other subjects are appropriate.

We had similar with my dd. We took her out in year 9 - upon the recommendation of a psychiatrist who also said that mainstream school is not for everyone; we relocated to a place with a nice, progressive school with a focus on wellbeing and she had 2 great years of school; I only wish we'd done it sooner. I know we were in a privileged position to do this but otherwise we'd have home schooled. We also suspect ASD although have not pursued a diagnosis.

@FloatingBean thankyou

DD (ASD, ADHD, anxiety and depression) is in her GCSE year and has missed so much school the last 2 terms (and last 3 years) that we have paired it down to the bare minimum. I never thought I would say this, but I'd be delighted if she ended up passing 3. She has never been on board with doing any work from home so if she engages with the tutor it will be a miracle. I'll push for more (if it's not too late) if she gets on with the 12 hours.

Whereabouts roughly in the uk are you?

@lemonsaretheonlyfruit If you haven’t already you should apply for an EHCNA because s.19 provision only applies to CSA pupils so the only way to force provision post 16 is via an EHCP. An EHCP could also provide access to therapies etc. and so much other provision/support too.


The provision doesn’t have to all be tuition if that doesn’t meet DD’s needs, and the tuition doesn’t have to be aimed at exams e.g. if DD enjoys art it could be art lessons or if she enjoys music it could be music lessons without working towards an exam.

Hi @FloatingBean

I made a parental application for an EHCP and the school have just said they can meet her needs post 16. Though I have to say it's all very dry and focused on the GCSEs, and only detailed anything to do with when she's in school. There was no mention of anything other than 'catching up via 1 to 1 sessions when she is actually in school (which she hasn't been in 2 months)

Do you think I should be pushing for more?

@lemonsaretheonlyfruit apologies I’m unsure from your post whether DD already has an EHCP or you are going through the process of applying for one, but either way I think you should push for more.

If DD already has an EHCP and you have a finalised amended plan for the next academic year that names the current school then I think you should appeal because how can it meet her needs when she has struggled to attend for 3 years and not at all for 2 months. If you don’t yet have a finalised amended EHCP one must be issued by the 31st and then you will have the right of appeal. DD needs far more than tuition. What about therapies (SALT, OT, MH therapies), other provision (an alternative provision or sport/art/music/cooking lessons or mentoring and PFA - whatever meets DD’s needs), technology, equipment, resources, subscriptions, memberships, professional time…

If DD doesn’t yet have an EHCP the provision will be less, but she is still entitled to more than 12.5 hours in a form that meets her needs. If DD doesn’t yet have an EHCP but you’ve applied is the LA sticking to the timescales?

@FloatingBean

Yes she has one (approved a few weeks ago) . I went through it with SIAS and they suggested a couple of things as it was a bit vague but they didn't mention / suggest any of the things you have talked about. Maybe I should have pushed for more.

She sees her CAMHs therapist weekly but that's obviously outside of school.

We only got the lowest level of funding (I think it was 4k)

The school is very 'dry' in my opinion and not great when it comes to anything SEN related. What you say is interesting thankyou