No card. Just another thread

[Marchintospring]

DS is 19 and away at Uni. I was a single mum for most of his life. No card arrived today so nothing for Mother’s Day ( he absolutely wouldn’t spend money on flower delivery etc).
I guess he might phone or email but it’s made me a bit sad.
Doesn’t everyone get their mums something unless they’ve gone NC or something.

It is how you are treated everyday not just a token gesture (or not) that counts.

My younger son is just the same - it really upset me initially as it's very different to how I am with my own mother but I've come to accept it now - I love him and he loves me but he isn't thoughtful in that way

Might it arrive on Monday if he was late posting it?

@TortolaParadise well since I don’t see him everyday I thought he might send a card. To show he thinks of me.

I feel like Mother's Day is very early this year. Isn't it normally a week or so later?

I have a dd at uni too. She's normally great at remembering this sort of thing but I am assuming that I might get a text tomorrow or a card when she comes home for Easter which is fine imo.

Maybe he sent it late? I was that awful child that always sent cards late, didn’t mean I didn’t love the people who I was sending cards to. It’s quite a selfish age, especially with everything going on at uni. I’d hold back and see if he calls tomorrow.

Sorry to generalise, but I think boys and men are not really into cards.

I know my dad would never send cards and nor would my DH.

DS won't get me one (he's 20) but I'm not bothered. DD has always gone to a lot of trouble. Maybe women are just better 😄

Same @Marchintospring sending hugs 💐

I was planning to order my mum a card from moopig/funky pigeon whatever but forgot because works been major stress this week.

I'm going food shopping tonight so will pick a card up then, I've got a card for MiL as I sort cards etc out, so picked one up last weekend, just my own mum I've forgotten 😳
I'll pop in to see her to drop it off tomorrow and we'll do the same for MiL.

DB will have probably ordered flowers online that were delivered today as he lives in the states, so isn't as close as I am. We'll also have our fortnightly group call to catch up at some point tomorrow evening, so will wish her a happy mothers day then too.

Younger people really are not into cards . Don’t take it personally.X💐

Should I say something though? He’s 19. I did used to tell him it was Mothers Day and he’d see me send my mother something. If he chosen not to or forgotten I can’t really say anything now he’s adult.

Also I have ordered a card from moonpig for my granddaughter to give to my daughter and it hasn’t arrived! This is not the first time this has happened…very unreliable company!

I would expect a text or phone call on the day.

It's not till tomorrow

agree that age group so not into cards, that and he is male

I was speaking to my 20yo @ uni a few weeks ago and said Mothers Day was coming up. There was a pause, then what would you like? I said just a card would be nice, but didn't actually expect one (didn't get one last year) but one turned up in the post this week to my surprise.

I don't rely on my kids to remember things, if I want them to remember I remind them. Less disappointment that way.

I know they care, I also know ds1 just wouldn't think about it, or care for a card himself - isn't at all bothered about receiving cards, so doesn't think that others would. So I tell him.

He's 19, surrounded by distractions. Yes it's hurtful but I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt you and probably has no idea that it feels so important to you. He's got years ahead of him to do better - but honestly as someone who works with 19 year olds (Uni) I'm amazed some of them remember to tie their laces let alone send cards. Unless someone mentions it to him he's probably got no idea it's Mother's Day. Chin up, and I say that as an old barren whose dog isn't going to get me a card either

If it upsets you, which it clearly does (it would me too), then definitely say something. It doesn't have to be a big issue, just tell him you were disappointed not to receive a Mother's Day card. That's it. If he cares then he'll apologise and make sure he sends one next year. If he doesn't... at least you've made your feelings clear.

I think some young people just don't really "do" cards. Maybe to him, a text or call is just as thoughtful?

Sorry you're upset, but does he show you he loves you normally, on all the other days of the year? I just think it's a young person thing. My dd forgot a few years ago and she made me a 'card' out of a piece of lined paper ripped out of an exercise book.

I'm so sorry @Marchintospring and I know it seems shit. But my 2 (two years between them,) gave me fuck-all cards between 17-21-ish. No mothers day cards or birthday cards. Nothing for me and DH's anniversary - OR any Christmas cards either. As little school age kids, up to about 13/14, they used to make them, and it was lovely, but by late teens to about 20/21, they CBA. As a pp said, they are very self centred, and care much more for their mates and attracting the opposite sex (or the same sex even.) AND they have many things going on in their lives, including a new and exciting social life, loads of new friends, and uni work/assignments etc, and sometimes some travelling/ backpacking.

I lost my parents before I was 35, and both sets of my grandparents by 15, so when my 2 kids couldn't be bothered with Mothers Day, I was very hurt and upset. No card off them 2 - and no phone call or visit (when they were at uni.) I had no mother myself either. So Mothers day was very sad for me for 4 or 5 years. (Same with Fathers day as DH lost his parents by his early 30s... so he was a little hurt too.)

However, by their early to mid 20s they started to get thoughtful again, and started to get nice cards and a little gift, and never overlook/forget it now (or fathers day, Christmas, our anniversary, or birthdays.) It's just a stage in their lives when they're really self absorbed and selfish, and their parents barely register in the top 10 priorities in life.

@iamnottoofatiamjusttooshort 💐

That’s the complete opposite in my family! I’m crap, my husband’s sister is crap. My brother sends cards well in advance (even for their wedding anniversary), so does my husband (we have a thing where I do my family/friends he does his, but obviously sign them from both). I have got a lot better now I put stuff in my online calendar with reminders!!

I think paper cards in the post are a bit outside the mindset of most students. I'll be pleased if my eldest sends me a WhatsApp with their love - I know there's definitely not enough slack in their budget for flowers. I'm genuinely not fussed about cardboard and a stamp.

I do think it is a bit of a generational thing. I prefer a call or text. My mum loves a card, so I send her one. She also dislikes Moonpig if it’s not been handwritten - for her caring = buying, writing and posting a card. After a few years of getting it wrong, I know have stepped up to the plate!

My son is 19. He lives away and I don't think he even realises. I don't care - I know he loves me and we have a great relationship. My 17 year old daughter is home but is trying to finalise her A level History coursework (due Tuesday). At most she'll make me a card.
They used to do things like make me breakfast in bed when they were younger, but really I'm not bothered now.