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No card. Just another thread
Marchintospring · 18/03/2023 18:49
DS is 19 and away at Uni. I was a single mum for most of his life. No card arrived today so nothing for Mother’s Day ( he absolutely wouldn’t spend money on flower delivery etc).
I guess he might phone or email but it’s made me a bit sad.
Doesn’t everyone get their mums something unless they’ve gone NC or something.
FiveHundredDucksWentOutOneDay · 18/03/2023 19:44
DH ordered a card for his mum two weeks ago; did mine at the same time. It hasn’t arrived, so he ordered back ups four days ago. Neither have arrived either.
The post has been absolutely shit this week. He may well have ordered something… although I’m sorry if he hasn’t.
(DS is 14 months old, hence DH doing it)
IfYouDontAsk · 18/03/2023 19:52
I would wait and see what happens tomorrow. If he calls then I wouldn’t say anything.
But if there’s no acknowledgment of it being Mother’s Day then of course you can say something, it doesn’t matter that he’s an adult. I’d just tell him that it means a lot to me to be recognised on Mothers Day and that I didn’t need an expensive gift but a card would really be appreciated in future. I’m assuming that celebrating Mothers Day is the norm for you and him? If you’ve never “done” it then that would be a bit different. But if the day has previously been marked in your family then I don’t think being away at uni is an excuse. I never missed sending my mum a Mother’s Day card when I was a student (and let’s stop specifically excusing men from remembering these things, I think that’s sexist nonsense).
TaraRhu · 18/03/2023 20:27
I hate Mother's Day in the same way I hate Valentine's Day. Essentially it's a commercial enterprise set up to make people spend money. And guess what, sometimes people with busy lives forget? Rationally, we should all forget Mother's Day. I'm sure people who are pretty awUl children remember Mother's Day and vice versa.
However, we aren't rational and I get why it hurts. So I'm sorry you feel hurt. But I'd give him a break. I can't think anything good would come of making him feel bad. Especially if he's generally a good son.
MargaretThursday · 18/03/2023 20:32
He's in his first year at uni. Probably in halls so not doing a lot of shopping. He probably hasn't even realised. It's not a big thing at unis so unless he's going into shops then he probably hasn't even thought about it, and even if he has, may not have picked up it's this weekend. When I was at uni you knew it was Wednesday of 5th week, but not necessarily the date.
Next time he phones say to him "I missed you on Mothers' day, shall we go out for a meal when you're back instead," and make it a positive thing for him rather than him feeling "oh I have to do something or mum will nag."
Skyeheather · 18/03/2023 20:46
Wait until Monday, just incase anything turns up tomorrow then tell him you're upset.
He must know it's Mother's Day, it's in every diary and calendar, it will probably pop up on his phone tomorrow, a notification from Google. At least one of his friends must have mentioned it.
How would he like it if you forgot something important of his.
NeverApologiseNeverExplain · 18/03/2023 21:17
MargaretThursday · 18/03/2023 20:32
He's in his first year at uni. Probably in halls so not doing a lot of shopping. He probably hasn't even realised. It's not a big thing at unis so unless he's going into shops then he probably hasn't even thought about it, and even if he has, may not have picked up it's this weekend. When I was at uni you knew it was Wednesday of 5th week, but not necessarily the date.
Next time he phones say to him "I missed you on Mothers' day, shall we go out for a meal when you're back instead," and make it a positive thing for him rather than him feeling "oh I have to do something or mum will nag."
I’d have agreed with this in the last but now it’s impossible to miss Mother’s Day because it pops up in every email you get from anywhere you have ever ordered anything, even random retailers who don’t sell things typically thought if as Mum things. Unless the DS is very very good at never signing up to mailing lists, it will be all over his email inbox.
PeekAtYou · 18/03/2023 21:24
RunTowardsTheLight · 18/03/2023 19:10
I think some young people just don't really "do" cards. Maybe to him, a text or call is just as thoughtful?
My dd is 19 and I've just realised that she has never sent a letter or card by post. As a Gen z posting on a story seems to be considered more than fine (unless you're the parent and considered too old to have Snapchat)
Eightiesgirl · 18/03/2023 21:40
My ds is at Uni and never sends cards. I had a text from him tonight asking if I'd had a good mother's day today! He never sends me a birthday card either but also doesn't seem bothered about receiving cards himself either. I've stopped being disappointed and just buy myself some flowers for mother's day now. I know he loves me but I just accept he never sends cards, buys presents etc I know he's a skint student so maybe one day, when he's got a good job, he might buy me flowers/send a card himself.
Spectre8 · 18/03/2023 21:54
Surely time is the most precious thing anyone can ask of someone else. So a phone call or video call would be more valuable then a card. If he hasn't why bot arrange time.
Could be a generational thing, everything is digital now. He might send u a lovely gif tomorrow 🤷♀️
We've moved away from cards and just send gifs to be honest much better for the environment too
Marchintospring · 18/03/2023 22:35
Precipice · 18/03/2023 21:27
If he calls, that is thinking of you. Why do you think only a bit of paper with some text on it is worthwhile, but your son's voice isn't?
I expected a card and a phone call.
We do chat on the phone anyway. I do think extra effort is required on birthdays and Mother’s Day. It’s just sort of polite to acknowledge your mother I think..
Luredbyapomegranate · 18/03/2023 22:42
I don’t think 19 year olds are good at this stuff. I wasn’t. And MD is a step down from B’days. (of course he can’t send you flowers! He’s a student)
Send him a text in the AM saying what time are you calling to wish me a happy MD. They need direction.
GladragsAtDawn · 18/03/2023 23:08
It's crappy isn't it. I was a bit upset a few years ago when DS1 didn't send a card. Then DH nagged him the following year and he still didn't send one!
He's back from uni now and he and his girlfriend don't send cards for birthdays, Valentine's, etc. Seems odd, but they just don't see it as important.
Rowthe · 18/03/2023 23:12
I'm really or bothered, but something like this- if you want them to make the effort you have to teach them.
So I want my kids to get my birthday presents when they are older.
So I'm gonna start giving them a small amount of cash and let them buy me a present with it.
And I would expect that to continue when they are older.
When he was younger did you take him to get you a card? Or if he hadnt made one at school maybe give him the craft stuff on Mothers day so he could make you one?
If he hadnt been doing anything for the last 5 years it's a but much to suddenly expect him to 'get it' when he is 19.
Things like this you need to teach them what your expectations are, and then if he forgets - let him know you are upset and what you expect for next year.
WeWereInParis · 18/03/2023 23:16
Doesn’t everyone get their mums something unless they’ve gone NC or something.
Well no, I don't. But that's because that's what the norm is in our family. If normally he gets you a card then YANBU to be disappointed, regardless of what other people may or may not do/get.
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