Football determines the social hierarchy at primary?

[HappyHolidaysEveryone]

Just wondered about others' experiences really. Do you think it's a lot harder for, esp boys, to make friends at primary school (perhaps more thinking late primary, years 3-6) if they're not into football? I know there's a whole 'finding your tribe' thing which will hopefully eventually come...but in my mind this is possibly easier at secondary?
I'd be particularly interested in hearing views of any primary school staff, who may have seen first hand the extent to which (or not..?) a kid's participation in football affects popularity & friendships?
For context, my DS is Yr4 & struggles to find like minded people. There are many potential issues including possible SEN that are being explored but this is just something else I'm wondering about as a side issue.
Is not being one of the 'football boys' a huge barrier to friendships in the average primary classroom do we think?

My DS (Yr 3) likes football and plays for a team. Given the chance he'd spend every waking moment kicking a ball around. He started a new school this year and having some skills/interest in football definitely smoothed the transition. I've noticed that in this school and his last school he almost idolised the boys who were particularly talented at football and largely ignored those that aren't interested at all. No idea why, its definitely not something that I've encouraged and he does plenty of other sports and activities (cricket, kung fu, cycling) but football seems to be the thing that his friendships are built around.

Yes, I do feel it's an issue. My DS is in Year 6, and though he has a lovely group of friends, I know that he struggles with the football side of things. A few of his friends are keen players, and he's not really interested but forces himself to take part sometimes so that he doesn't feel excluded. But there have been a few occasions where he's been really upset when other boys tell him he's rubbish at football. It really seems to be the determining factor in the social hierarchy.

I don't know if it helps at all, but it's definitely different in secondary. Obviously the boys who want to play football play together- but there's generally more space, which leaves room for other sports and games, and more chance to "find your tribe".

I had a Y7 tutor group a few years ago, and there were boys who were into football, but also boys who skateboarded, did watersports, and also some who were into art/DT/making things- so they were all able to find a group and make friends. Friendships also become more mixed again as they go up through secondary, so that helps too!

There's a much bigger pool of potential friends too.

I do think it really helps for boys to have something that they are into- my impression was that the boys tended to form friendship groups based around shared interests, whereas the girls were more focused on their interpersonal dynamics.

It does help if you are into something that is not too obscure- music, art, drama can all be great ways of making friends too! I think, for children struggling with friendships at primary, clubs outside of school can be a real lifeline.

Climbing can be another good one for sporty kids who don't like team/contact sports.

And as they get older, thinks like skating, water sports, climbing etc are often seen as "cooler" by a lot of their peers than football!

I would also add that if football games are dominating the whole of a limited playing space, I do think it's reasonable to ask the school if there can be "non-football" days. If they can split the outdoor space so it's not all used for football, it's a bit different- but there are lots of reasons why allowing the whole outdoor space to always be dominated by one game isn't ideal!

3 ds's all at primary together. 2 did football and excelled tbh. I ds did ballet.
The dancer was then and still is as adults the most popular..

Of course they don’t!
DS is year 6 and much happier now he’s at a school where football isn’t a thing. They play hockey and rugby in winter and cricket and tennis in summer. They play basketball at break. It’s a very academic school and he’s found like minded friends. He’s into history, sci- fi/ fantasy etc.

Football culture and obsession is definitely associated with the opposite of "posher areas". It's not a compliment. Your village is probably isn't as "posh" as you think and full of people that are desperately trying to pretend they are not what they are. But don't know how.
I agree with the teacher who said it's associated with poorer behaviour. And limited intelligence

@fairywhale I dont think it's fair to say that tbh. Football is popular pretty much everywhere! At any age, lads of all intelligence levels play it. I'm by no means saying professional footballers are all Einstein, but i think Vincent Kompany has a Masters.

This was definitely a thing - happened to ds and I remember same thing happening to my brothers who weren’t into football - it’s easier in bigger schools.

DS is is now at Uni and doing fantastically well.

But yes a definite hierarchy existed at primary with the sporty boys at the top of it. It didn’t matter what nice boys the others were how well behaved they were or how they helped the teacher get other kids ready for SATS etc or what other academics strengths they had. The sporty kids seemed to be better thought of by both teachers and peers. Also the teachers picked the same kids to compete in all sports it was the same boys in football, cricket, rugby, athletics etc.

This was proven over and over as the sporty kids were taken out of school, came swanking in in sports clothes and were rewarded with ice-creams, mentions in assembly and in the newsletter. And reinforced again at a year 6 school awards night as those awarded sporting awards got trophies, a jovial speech and big cheer from teachers the same for those into drama. But anyone excelling at anything else got a handmade certificate and name read quietly and briefly, no mini speech, little anecdotes or cheers from the teachers.

@MotherofPearl This perfectly describes my Yr6 DS too. We've tried to balance it out by having individual friends over to ours lots (they tend to just want to game in those circumstances & he likes + is good at gaming) and by getting him into a few non-sporty extracurricular things he enjoys. It is hard though.

Not at our primary. I don’t even know of any local football clubs. My 2 dc have loads of friends and here socialising is mostly based around cubs and parents’ friendship circles. We have no organised sport really as far as I know. May be different in secondary?

@HappyHolidaysEveryone Do you think your child might like cricket? I’ve found the cricket programme really inclusive and it’s sporty, but not competitive in the same way as football. A lot of training can be ball skills and throwing and enjoying the sun and nice pitch. Many football kids do cricket in the summer - so can be a great chance to mix. I also find it social for parents and children. Just an idea.

Not in my experience as parent and staff. I have one who is academic and was until relatively recently, non-sporty and one who is football mad. Both have found their tribe and both are happy.