Football determines the social hierarchy at primary?

[HappyHolidaysEveryone]

Just wondered about others' experiences really. Do you think it's a lot harder for, esp boys, to make friends at primary school (perhaps more thinking late primary, years 3-6) if they're not into football? I know there's a whole 'finding your tribe' thing which will hopefully eventually come...but in my mind this is possibly easier at secondary?
I'd be particularly interested in hearing views of any primary school staff, who may have seen first hand the extent to which (or not..?) a kid's participation in football affects popularity & friendships?
For context, my DS is Yr4 & struggles to find like minded people. There are many potential issues including possible SEN that are being explored but this is just something else I'm wondering about as a side issue.
Is not being one of the 'football boys' a huge barrier to friendships in the average primary classroom do we think?

@Bitbloweyoutthere sorry to hear you're going through a similar thing. My DS does cubs, art club etc and I try to find ways for him to interact with kids who may have similar interests but it still seems a sticking point in the actual school environment

I've seen this too where we used to live - a very affluent MC market town. Football was a big thing at break time, but out of school the rugby scene was huge and dominated the social lives of both parents and children. Definitely very cliquey. Relieved to be out of it.

@SolitudeNotLoneliness sorry to hear this, that sounds really rough. Like you say, it's a difficult one for school staff to address.

OP, sounds like your DS doesn't like traditional competive team sports, and there is nothing wrong with that. My KS2 DS has zero interest in them and also really dislikes the competive side of them, but he enjoys skateboarding, scootering, parkour and climbing. Right now he just enjoys them for the sake of it but I'm quietly hopeful that his time will come and that in secondary he will realise that actually he's in to pretty cool stuff!

In my experience basket ball has become the new cool sport for boys so maybe things are changing. Loads of interest in it at DS2s school and at our local club.
DS1 played footy but sadly was a bit crap. The competition and over involvement of parents made it horrendous. All to do with winning instead of learning to work as a team and being good sports. In year 6 there an awful fallout in his team between the parents of the decent players and the not so decent. Coaches (females) bullied and haranged by middle aged men who should know better...

Dance and drama?

at primary sport wasn’t one of the main points there it was more art and music …. My son wasn’t one of those children and only 6 boys in his class. He had “mates” but not that shared the same interests.

Now he’s at secondary he lives breathes and dies football I mean we have a Friday off the rest of the week and weekend is dedicated to it. All his friends are football friends and they go to the same school. So I guess he’s found his people if you like.

Its horrible you child is missing out on parties and things , that’s bad parenting by other parents in my opinion.

We had friends out of school we went and saw and met up with and it didn’t effect my son but he’s definately flourished at secondary and your son will find his people.

Dont worry too much he obviously has a great mum xx

@brokenarmabroad am hoping this too! @Kindofthisnotthat that's interesting about the basketball. Would be great to see a wider variety of sports popular among kids at primary

@brokenarmabroad My DS found an interest in windsurfing (amongst various other hobbies) and his mates think that's pretty cool! Good luck to your DS (and to the OP's, too).

My DS is in Year 2 but I'm seeing signs of this. He's not into football at all and most of the boys in his class are. DS has his crowd of 4 boys now and I do fear that the pressure of football might cause some to stray. But maybe not, his lil crowd are into (age appropriate) anime, video games and other sports (such as Martial arts), so maybe these will always bind them through primary.

@JessesMum777888 thank you for your lovely post, I really appreciate it.

It's a tricky one with the parties. I think we're getting to the age where parents are less involved in organising the logistics of friendships and of course kids should be able to invite whoever they want to their parties. But it is heartbreaking when you get the impression yours is the only boy not included.

@SertralineAndTherapy windsurfing is a great idea actually. Hobbies like this which are a bit quirky could a long term winner

Sport has always been determined social hierarchy at school, even when I was at school in the 1970s. It was the same when DD was at secondary school until year 11 (2016).

The "set one PE kids" didn't lower themselves to be friends with or talk to the students who weren't sporty. It was the same when my friend's DC went to the same school. There definitely is a type.

My son and his friend group all love football. They play it at break and lunch when they can (not allowed to every day though) and after school. They also go to training mixed with other local towns. I love that they’re so active, out in the fresh air and have a great bond and make friends out with their school group. There are boys in his class not interested in football and they have their own group. Rarely any issues between the groups and they socialise together for swimming and things after school and on their x-box/PlayStations. Very unapologetic mum here. What do you want schools to do, ban football? It’s also becoming increasingly popular with girls in the
playground.

Thank you again to everyone who's posted. It does indeed seem as if football has a huge amount of social currency at the junior school type age. To be honest, I am relieved at the responses because I wasn't imagining it 😊!
Am going to keep plodding on with helping him to develop his interests in different areas and hopefully with time the friendships will come 🤞

It very much depends on the school and cohort. Our school only lets them play football on Fridays, as it’s quite toxic - it takes up the entire playground and was by far and away the top cause of issues in the class room. Football issues during playtime would end up in the classroom afterwards and teachers would have to sort it out.

My DSs year is v boy heavy but there aren’t many football mad boys. There is a core group of about 4 nerds (for want of a better word) - all into Pokémon, video games, reading and drawing so football isn’t really the social currency. However the year above them is the complete opposite - a core group of boys who play football for a team outside of school and make sure that football is the alpha social currency.

DDs year includes a boy who plays for one of the development squads but that’s it - it hasn’t materialised into dominance as the other boys aren’t massive footie people. There’s a better mix of nerdier/quiet types and other sports (hockey, running). Combined with the school being good about ensuring football doesn’t dominate, it’s a good mix.

@HappyHolidaysEveryone If you do try windsurfing (normally on a local reservoir) look for a club which is affiliated to the "RYA" and which offers "Team 15" (kids' windsurfing with structured coaching). It's a great sport with a community of incredibly supportive parents, and a great mix of "quirky" boys and girls, roughly 50-50. (The equipment can get pricey but there's a big second-hand market, and you can borrow club kit until you get to the point when you're going off to races/regional training, if that ever happens!)

@ringofrosies ah no, wasn't trying to criticise the kids who play football or to suggest it's banned or anything drastic like that. Football is fab, my DH and younger DD like it and like any sport it's great for kids to be into for many reasons. My query was about the extent to which its popularity among this age group can mean that it, not through any fault of those who ARE into it, those who aren't can find it hard to make friends. I think late primary is a tricky stage for this as they are developing their own interests more but that a smaller school environment (i.e. hanging out with one class of kids all day which is different to secondary) can mean that if one sport is v popular and seen as cool it can close off friendship opportunities for others considered outside of this group.
I think at secondary those not into football will be easier to find.

I have two DS of secondary school age, one massively into football and one not at all. I would say that football is the obvious, easy social "in" but by no means the only one. My DS who doesn't like football was left out of a few football parties but he didn't care. My footy mad DS definitely has more friends because of football, but the one also has the friends he wants (smaller group).

@SertralineAndTherapy I am now enthusiastically googling this for my area, thank you 😄 !!

Yes I think football is a big factor in how easy it is to make friends. And being good at it.

But if you have other interests, whether in school or not, you can make friends that way. For example if you play in an orchestra or do cubs/scouts or like running parkrun or doing judo. It doesn't have to be a team sport. If he likes swimming, is he good enough to think about joining a club? Or could he do rookie lifeguard as he gets older?

I'd say the best thing to do is try lots of things out, find something you like and you will make friends that way. It doesn't then matter if you aren't in the "in" crowd at school.

The windsurfing suggestion has reminded me that my son used to do kayaking.

You could also look at more general outdoor activities. Something like this - if there is something like it near you? exploreactivitycentre.co.uk/holidaycamp

Or this: www.hants.gov.uk/thingstodo/outdoorcentres/ourcentres/runwaysend/activities

Check your local council website to see if they signpost anything like this.

I found there was a big spilt between the football and non football boys. Luckily DS and some of the other non footballers made friends and played together.

We have a large Junior school with a boy heavy year. There is only room for one class per day to play football, so they have a rota and find other games to play on their non football days. It definitely helps to mix it up and find different children to play with.