Why do people enjoy giving little children junk food?

[Tietheapron]

I am very much in favour of balance in all areas. DS is two. At the moment, we haven’t got a massively fussy stage - there’s a handful of things he doesn’t seem too keen on and I imagine this will probably expand as he gets a bit older before then (hopefully!) getting a bit more variety. So to give an example, on Thursday he had porridge for breakfast and then a rich tea biscuit at a music group we go to in the morning. Then had to go into the bank so he had to go in the pushchair - had a banana to keep him quiet! As a result all he wanted for lunch was maybe half a ham sandwich and a few baby crisps. Then homemade pizza with veg on for tea. I’m explaining this so it’s clear I don’t completely raise him on fruit grown from the garden and eggs from our own chickens.

But then this morning he ate a bowl of shreddies and then DH gave him a biscuit, actually going in the kitchen to get him one (so not like DS found them and hoovered one up.) Visit PIL and they try to ply him with mars bars and ice creams, big ones for adults. (We don’t see PIL often, not for this reason as they are actually lovely people but they aren’t local.) Brother came to see DS and took him for a walk in the park, ignored the water bottle and bought him a fruit shoot and fruit pastilles.

I don’t want to sound like a neurotic mum here and I’m sure plenty of people will say to get a grip, I’m lucky people are nice to DS but I suppose this is my question really - why does kindness and love have to be shown through food? Isn’t it enough to go to the park with him, to read to him, play in the garden (they do this too!)

I hate sounding like a killjoy but I really don’t want him associating everyone but me with junk food!

I’ve never actually hit anyone I’ve never been violent it’s just a physical revolution that manifests itself in wanting the adult person to stop kissing a little kid on the lips. Like I said I know it’s an extreme reaction and thought but just seeing adult lips on a child’s lips is so utterly revolting to me it’s like a fight or flight reaction and I always flight and look away so no violence here just an revolution to adults kissing kids on the lips.

Yes, I agree with this. I’m very concerned about any parent who thinks violence is an appropriate response to affection. Those poor children.

I have young teens OP and at todfler age they didn’t really have sweets or much junk at all .. if I gave sweets at all it was milk chocolate or the natural confectionery company products and pudding was fruit and fromage frais . Drinks were mostly water .It changed once they went to school and school introduced puddings ! but I would say it was the tween stage where I gave up and they had whatever !

mine enjoy baking so any cake or biscuits is homemade - ingredients on pre-made products are pretty horrifying .

My kids spent a lot of time with my parents. We couldn’t afford treats at home much (6 kids lone parent) so their grandparents liked to spoil them.
I didn’t want them having loads of sweets so after a couple of times I broached the subject with my dad, said I was concerned about the sugar and their teeth.
My dad would often take me to the supermarket to buy a shop for me, he was the kindest man, and I showed him the funsize treats and suggested those.
Worked perfectly, he took all the kids out to the shed and they made their own sweet box or the littlest decorated a tin and these boxes went on a shelf in the kitchen and became known to the kids as “My one a day box “ going to the shop to choose what to put in their box became another fond memory of times with Granddad

Typos revulsion!

You’d have had kittens with my nana OP as she loved digestive biscuits (and Rich Teas!) and we had them a bit as children - she was barely 5ft though and a size 6-8. We got treats as kids like biscuits but also orange squash and super strong mints!

My DNephew who’s almost 5 is/was a human dustbin as everyone fed them and he loves food. Now we strictly ration his treats or he has fruit instead.

With your in laws could you have shared the Mars Bar or suggest they get those treat ones if they want to treat him?

I think it’s all about balance. DB used to give my DNephew a chocolate ice cream every day after school and that soon develops into a bad habit.

If any adult tried to kiss my children on the lips they knew it was there right to tell them no and push them away. I’m happy with my parenting thanks.

Our 2 year old hasn’t had lollies/chocolates etc yet. He is a very good eater so far so I want to keep as little sugar out of his diet as possible. I too would be annoyed if people tried giving him junk foods. Luckily so far everyone has asked us beforehand and haven’t been upset when we have said no.

Well duh - that is the point of grandparents to a large extent. They get to bend the rules for children to have a bit of fun before going back to normal life where things need to be more structured.

Do you not remember being allowed to stay up late when visiting grandparents, going to places which parents might not have time for, eating grandma's cake for breakfast? Generally doing things that slightly older children might do? All before going back to "normal life" of regular bedtimes, meals and school?

I was more concerned about your severe reaction if your children tried to kiss you actually.

Or if another child tried to kiss them on the lips for that matter.

There's nothing wrong with a small food treat, but if they are given instead of showing love and concern in more time-consuming ways that require effort like:

going for a walk
watch a programme together
read to your child
have a conversation with your child

Then it's lazy parenting

My Mum and MIL were first to give eldest children chocolate or share an ice cream. I always have fruit rather than anything cake or sweet based when they were little. They loved seeing their faces at the treat. I didn’t mind as it meant they associated those foods as grandparent treats and we only saw them a few times a year. Both my eldest children are adults now
and both will pick fruit before processed sweet treats. My youngest two were a fair bit younger and by then more sweet treats were in the house so they had more than the eldest two from a younger age at home.

Fizzy drinks were a going out or grandparent house treat with all. Even now we rarely have them in the house.

On plus side so far none have needed any dental work!

I do see what you mean but if they know they only get certain treats with certain people it is much easier to manage healthier foods day to day.

I strongly believe that no food should be branded good or bad. If we are eating a biscuit or chocolate then DS can have some if he wants. Aside from things like alcohol and caffeine we don’t prohibit him from having any food unless in excess (eg he loves yoghurt). Sometimes when I ask if he wants a snack he’ll ask for cake and other times a banana. I have a niece who doesn’t eat meals and I’ll be honest her snacking drives me insane so I do understand that worry. Days are a mismatch of 3 good hearty meals and grazing. It sounds like you have a balance so embrace it and try not to make food a “thing”. Although I wouldn’t be happy about a pack of fruit pastels either, I’m enjoying DS seeing a banana as a treat. As a random aside I’d recommend Tesco Bunny Bites instead of baby crisps: those things are so expensive.

Do you really think one rich tea biscuit is a treat ?

OP I completely agree with you, there is no need to be giving children that age treats in the form of sugar. In this house a rich tea would also be considered a treat. Until such a time as my child knows different I will continue to count plain biscuits as a treat, they will be long enough looking for sweets, chocolate etc no need to give it to them when they don't actually know what it is. People look at me like I have to heads when I say my little one doesn't eat chocolate.
Why people do it in my experience is to try to gain favour with the child, too lazy to play with them but amn't I lovely giving you sugar!!!!

You feel like punching other parents who kiss their own children on the lips?

I’m not sure what that has to do with OP, but that is a very weird over-reaction to something that has literally nothing to do with you.

Also you sound really really creepy. Many known sex offenders confuse sex abuse as showing affection. I’d rather my kids know how to say no and be able to push people off if they were to try and ‘show them unwarranted affection’.

@Zer I’m not saying unrestricted sugar all day every day, I’m saying occasionally let children eat as much as they want. By tightly controlling and restricting it and calling it a ‘treat’, your child isn’t learning to regulate their intake on their own.

Tbh I’d be more worried about the choking risk of fruit pastilles with a child that age. I think getting treats from relatives is quite different to the regular diet. I wouldn’t give a biscuit with breakfast but on visits people are basically just wanting to give your children a treat because they love them. If you’re not happy give some guidance. Maybe chocolate is better than sweets?
also agree that as they get older you just give up!

I don't think it's at all neurotic to not want a 2 year old to have a full size mars bar! I'm not that precious about food, DD(3.5) and I are baking a chocolate cake today so its not like I ban sugar. But she will get very small bits of it and it's not a regular thing. I think I would have actually taken the mars bar away.

Well some foods are full of shite and processed fats and sugar, so yes they are bad.

All this tip toeing around saying foods are bad for you and assuming that will mean kids then will just crave crap is such a myth.

Model healthy eating. Make cakes. Don't buy fizzy drinks and sweets apart from Christmas. Tell them how veg and fruit is good for them. My relatives are French and that's what they do and it works well. Happy healthy kids.

You can give your kids some treats and still play with them and take them out. One doesn't exclude the other. I mean mine often had a Greggs sausage roll on the way home from the park.

You are the only who sees every kiss between parent and child as perverse enough for you to punch other adults and I’m the creepy one? Right.

Get help.

I 100% agree op. Drives me mad when my kid asks grandparents for water and they shove juice on him. He doesn't like juice! They threw his water down the sink at Xmas and replaced it with squash then gave him an adult size glass (I'm talking just shy of a pint!) full of squash. They were horrified when he said he was full up from dinner and tried to shove a dessert down his neck that he didn't want. He doesn't have a sweet tooth at all. He does have chocolate, crisps etc in moderation but it's constant with them and they ignore when he asks for something healthy. I think they assume we don't give him anything and are being cruel in some way