Why do people enjoy giving little children junk food?

[Tietheapron]

I am very much in favour of balance in all areas. DS is two. At the moment, we haven’t got a massively fussy stage - there’s a handful of things he doesn’t seem too keen on and I imagine this will probably expand as he gets a bit older before then (hopefully!) getting a bit more variety. So to give an example, on Thursday he had porridge for breakfast and then a rich tea biscuit at a music group we go to in the morning. Then had to go into the bank so he had to go in the pushchair - had a banana to keep him quiet! As a result all he wanted for lunch was maybe half a ham sandwich and a few baby crisps. Then homemade pizza with veg on for tea. I’m explaining this so it’s clear I don’t completely raise him on fruit grown from the garden and eggs from our own chickens.

But then this morning he ate a bowl of shreddies and then DH gave him a biscuit, actually going in the kitchen to get him one (so not like DS found them and hoovered one up.) Visit PIL and they try to ply him with mars bars and ice creams, big ones for adults. (We don’t see PIL often, not for this reason as they are actually lovely people but they aren’t local.) Brother came to see DS and took him for a walk in the park, ignored the water bottle and bought him a fruit shoot and fruit pastilles.

I don’t want to sound like a neurotic mum here and I’m sure plenty of people will say to get a grip, I’m lucky people are nice to DS but I suppose this is my question really - why does kindness and love have to be shown through food? Isn’t it enough to go to the park with him, to read to him, play in the garden (they do this too!)

I hate sounding like a killjoy but I really don’t want him associating everyone but me with junk food!

I agree with you OP. My FIL is dreadful for this. We stayed with PIL at the weekend and FIL obviously took great pleasure in feeding our young DC Cherry Bakewells, mini kitkats (multiple each), chocolate biscuits, chocolate cake. I don't really mind as it's obviously part of his way of expressing love and we don't see them that often, but he was apparently the same when DH was a child and DH now has dreadful teeth with masses of fillings, and FIL has had to have lots of horrible painful dental work done over the years too. Toddlers really don't need fruit pastilles!

It’s okay to let children sometimes have unrestricted access to sugar and not raise it up to be some sort of special treat, that’s going to work out worse in the long run.

It gets said often and it’s true - people have lost all sense around food and what’s normal.

People also forget that ready-made foods used to be made with simple ingredients like cocoa, sugar, butter, flour, eggs etc - so “junk” food decades ago wasn’t that junk after all.

The really cheap junk food today is barely food - look up the ingredients, it’s basically cancer & diabetes in waiting.

Jesus Christ, 'slobbering adult lips'? My Mum used to kiss me on the lips and I can assure you she never slobbered I don't know any adults that do. We did have an Old English Sheepdog who liked to give slobbery kisses though...

But then I love rich tea biscuits, so what would I know

@Tietheapron advent calendars for under 3s, maybe even under 4s are a disaster because they just don’t get why they’re being presented with a big pile of chocolate and fun windows to open but they’re only allowed 1 a day, can’t touch the rest of it and then it suddenly disappears. I think that’s more brain development, understanding delayed gratification etc than it is anything to do with the sugar. If you had toys in there rather than chocolate you’d probably have the same shitshow, or at least that’s how it would have been with mine at 2 years old!

And @BMW6 I stand by it and rich tea biscuits are a punishment because they are horrible and turn to something reminiscent of wallpaper paste in your mouth. I wouldn’t inflict them on even the most unwelcome of unexpected visitors let alone a poor innocent child. Doesn’t mean you have to feed them junky crap though, quite the contrary!

I think life is about moderation and not stressing too much about food. I grew up in a household like this, where food was generally healthy but there wasn't really any anxiety about having treats and enjoying food and none of us are overweight or have had any issues with food as adults.

So as a parent I try to do similar. I feed my kids overwhelmingly healthy food and they don't have any chocolate, sweets or fizzy drinks. We don't really do loads of snacks and try to focus on having decent (definitely not perfect) meals. This means when the kids are with friends, relatives or at parties then they can indulge in the treats and I know that their diet is still largely balanced. If granny wants to give them a biscuit or they have a massive ice cream then I don't make a big fuss of it but the kids know it's a treat and enjoy it all the more for knowing this.

Ask grandparents to buy chocolate that actually is chocolate with a high coco count not mars bars and crap like that. My kids will only eat dark chocolate (80% plus) me and husband have to hide all our crappy treats because we get a lecture from them otherwise. I’m glad I broke the cycle but I am a hypocrite 😂

That wasnt aimed at the op

Maybe that’s what my mind morphs them into when I see adults lips on kids lips honestly it’s just so abhorrent to me. I have to look away.

It doesn't have to work out worse in the long run. It's fine to say not too much sugar as it is bad for their teeth. Otherwise dentists would have been triggering eating disorders for years.

I’ve had this same thought so often OP.

My in laws are good bless them, they do try and know I’m not keen on her having endless biscuits/ sweets/ chocolate. So they buy all the kiddie snacks like organix/ kiddiliscious types which actually probably aren’t that much better and just give her piles of those. They always have a bit container filled with different dried fruit at their house and as soon as they got the green light on me that she was ok to have a few raisins they started giving her whole cereal bowls full. She was mad on raspberries for a long time but they weren’t happy just giving her raspberries after lunch as it ‘wasn’t fair’ so they added in jelly or really sugary yoghurts.

My older sister is the same - though there’s always more in the way of ice creams, sweets, chocolate in her house (my sister has lots of grandchildren who dd thinks of as her cousins, and actually calls my sister ‘nana’, she loves being there spending time with the other kids and I guess because the fridge/ cupboards are always open 😀) so she gets that stuff too.

The one thing I thought I was holding firm on was water not juice, only the other day DD said to me ‘mummy we don’t have juice at my house, we only have it at nana’s house’ so I guess not.

My approach has always been if it’s there/ available or we are having something sugary then DD can have some and I let her make her own mind up about what and how much. But I don’t go out of my way to buy it, have it in at home or offer it.

I have been telling myself the ‘it’s only occasional so it’s fine’ thing but recently I was thinking - she goes to a couple of groups a week all of which offer biscuits, we visit grandparents once a week usually, and see my sister once a week too, plus if we go out for the day at the weekend there will usually be something like cake/ ice-cream etc so it’s not that occasional really.

Luckily very little puts DD off eating her meals too, and she still likes a good variety of healthy stuff (might refuse it one day and eat it the next, but not too bad) so it’s not such a worry.

I'll probably get flamed for this but we're really not evolved to be eating the amounts of sugar and processed carbohydrates that are being described as moderate on this thread.

Until a few hundred years ago most people's diet would have contained near zero sugar.

Fruit pastille sweets at 2? No

I don't see the problem with a fruit shoot but then I'm one of those mumsnetters that's harshly judged for giving my kid a fruit shoot and a sausage roll from greggs.

As a parent what bothers me are violent adults who unfortunately choose to become parents themselves.

One of my kids won a big Easter Egg yesterday in a raffle for comic relief. He gave it to his friend because he said he wouldn’t eat it anyway. Me and husband to his face said oh that’s nice good choice etc but behind his back we were not happy as we would have eaten it! Ultimately kids will make their own choices as they grow up.

A study by First Steps Nutrition that came out recently showed that British toddlers have one of the worst diets in the world for ultra-processed foods. So unfortunately it's cultural: people think it's fine because it's "normal" and what they're used to seeing in Britain, so often assume anyone with concerns must be very uptight. As PPs have said, it's sometimes possible to steer grandparents and wider family towards finding other ways of treating the DC, or making the food treats healthier.

Telegraph article here for example - or google for more reports without a paywall

Or here

People always say it causes harm to label some foods as treats, but children pick this up anyway if always offered something sweet and full of crap when visiting family, out and about and whatever else. If a child doesn't have issues around food then I agree, much better to offer a child some berries (yes they have sugar in but also vitamins and minerals) as well as the occasional sugar fest.

Things like they're little dustbins so burn it off explain a lots attitude to food and goes some way to explain why so many children are overweight. There is a balance and its not good to be restrictive, but on the flip side its not good to build an association with fun junk food either. If we are out at the beach then of course it's an ice cream no issue, if we are at family though pick something from the fruit bowl is fine- they aren't missing out or going to be damaged.

I agree, OP. I’m not in the slightest adverse to my DS having sugar but I also don’t push it on him. He’s 5 now and only drinks milk and water. That’s what he likes - yet relatives are constantly trying to bribe him into drinking hot chocolate, fruit shoots and juice that he doesn’t want or need - and worse, they bribe him with chocolate (“just have a try of this fruit shoot and I’ll get you chocolate biscuit” type stuff. Why?)

When he was 9 months old, MIL (who is generally lovely) literally shot across the dinner table to put a spoonful of ice cream into his month. He’d just been sitting drinking his milk moments before. Again I don’t mind the sugar but force feeding him ice cream?

What on Earth has this got to do with food? You’d be beating me up constantly then because I’m always kissing my kids. Also get help for that perversed projection you have it’s not normal.

Grandparents/aunts/uncles etc like treating their grandchildren/nieces/nephews. Junk food is a form of treat.

Some of the replies here are shocking. How is a biscuit not a treat? The child is only two years old! No wonder we have an obesity crisis.

I'm with you OP. There's no need for it. Our 4 yo child does have treats but she knows they are treats and they are in moderation. Adult sized bars is ridiculous. They might light up and look cute and adorable when eating them but you will have to deal with the sugar induced tantrums later.

😂

Damn right!

Rich tea is a penance, not a treat.

If a child will happily drink water then why give them a drink full of shite? If they won't drink water then that's different, but buying one just because is so bad for their teeth and their bodies. I wouldn't judge anyone giving their child a sausage roll, maybe if they did it every day though would wonder why they don't give something that actually has some nutritional value rather than just being crammed with saturated fat. Why not a sandwich or something from greggs out of interest?