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Original poster

Do you lie every day ? Is it normal to lie about minor things regularly?

128 replies

Isitjustathing · 18/03/2023 07:59

Do people really lie every day ?

I have ASD and I never lie. To me, things are right or wrong , true or false etc . If I’m asked a question I just answer with the truth as that’s the default setting in my mind. I thought this was normal ?

I’ve realised that maybe it’s not ? People seem to lie all the time ? It’s making me feel SO confused and almost questioning my reality. Is lying actually normal ?

A few examples are :
-a school meeting - what was discussed was then totally different to what was put in the meeting notes ? I had to go back and ask for it to be corrected. It wasn’t genuine mistakes which would have been ok it was things that hadn’t been discussed at all or things that had and my response was recorded as different to what actually happened. Then trying to discuss the meeting and being told a different name of someone present.

-DP - really small constant lies which drive me mad. General conversation stuff. ‘How was your day / what did you have for lunch etc’ type things. He will say he had a good day was based at the office and had a sandwich then the next day will mention having been somewhere different and the team meeting over lunch at a restaurant and doesn’t seem to think it’s weird ?

He will tell me he’s taking my car to work but then I’ll get up and see he took his after all.

He will go out and say he’s going with one friend to a certain location then a week or so later will talk about the night out but it’s a different person at a different place . He went on holiday last year and told me a different city name to the one he went to . He says why’s it’s an issue it was in the same country ? But to me it seems strange ?

There are so many other things just little everyday things . Over and over and it makes me feel like I don’t really know where I am mentally. DP says ‘everyone lies ‘ and that the bigger problem is me always telling the truth to the point of brutal honesty and seeing things so black and white and not in fact his white lies each day

Is this normal ?

OP posts:

MintTeaAndChocolate · 19/03/2023 00:09

RandomMess · 18/03/2023 09:05

The lies your H is telling are typical of someone who is either abusive and/or having an affair.

If he lies about where he is going and who he is with there is a deliberate reason for that.

In the wider scheme of him telling lies about so much then I wonder if the taking the car thing is gas lighting so you can make out you aren't remembering things properly again to cover up his lies about where he is and who he is with.

This is what I thought.

Mix56 · 19/03/2023 06:55

StepHigh · 18/03/2023 14:01

Have been trying to think of a reason someone might do this, other than to fuck with your head. The best I can come up with is that actually he was doing something else that he doesn't want you to know about, lied to you and then forgot what lie he had told.

Well put.

The rice or pasts fades into irrelevancy. Unless your DC have had it for every day for a week
The minutes are someone who is bad at their job, or unethical.

Your real problem is you are living with someone who doesn't care about the truth, & your need for clarity, or is a devious snake in the grass

banivani · 19/03/2023 15:26

SinnerBoy · 18/03/2023 14:43

Templebreedy · Today 08:11

As for the minutes, I do know of people who pre-write minutes to reflect what they want the meeting to have discussed and to conclude. Or is it possible your recollection is less than perfect?

How is it possible to pre-write minutes? It isn't, it's falsifying things in advance and the opposite of taking minutes. Minutes are a contemporary record of what is said.

You ask if the OP's memory is faulty, immediately after saying that you know people who deliberately falsify the minutes of meetings. Can you see the disconnected logic, which you are using?

IME whatever is up for a decision has been researched/looked into by somebody whose job it is to suggest a course of action. To prepare the minutes you copy paste whatever is in that memo, since normally the board or whatever are already informally in agreement to accept that. It’s considered good practice to prepare minutes in this way, because then you’ll finish them quickly after the meeting. However sometimes you’re surprised by something that happens at the meeting, like a motion to postpone or similar, and even if you note down who said what and how the chair handled it it can happen that you mess up changing the prewritten decision. Not that this has ever happened to me ;)

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