My child’s school have changed the name of Mother’s Day to special persons day, what do you think?

[Rainbow03]

Have we gone mad or is this appropriate?

So why do they have to have their loss thrown at them in school if it can be avoided perfectly easily.? The school has two choices. (1) it can carry on as before, highlighting to certain children that they're different from the others because their mother has died/buggered off/been prevented from caring for them for their safety, or whatever. Sure, the school can do what it can to ease the blow by taking them to one side and suggesting they do the card/picture for their aunt/foster parent/Dad etc, but those children will yet again be reminded that they are different and they don't have a mother. Or (2) they can change it to special persons' day which doesn't exclude anyone.

For me, it's (2) every time.

I know what you mean and if we were sure that every family was able to help their child navigate these situations then maybe not doing them in school would be better. But many families are not able to do that, maybe because they are so caught up in their own grief, or are struggling to juggle everything as a single parent or don't know what to do and are so worried about getting it wrong that they do nothing. Childhood is a time to protect children but it is also a time to gently and sensitively teach them to manage difficult things.

It isn't. It's Mothering Sunday.

Mothers and Others. I like that!!

Sorry, the above was to @Rosula

I think mothers day and father's Day should be both those days and special person day. Not everyone has a mother and father.

My friend was raised by her aunt who she viewed as her mother. She didn't fit in to mothers day but was incredibly important.

My DSs "DF" wasn't in his life but his DGF was and we personally made a fuss but school didn't.

This isn't about trans.

No-one's telling them they can't call it Mothers' Day. They're just choosing to celebrate something different in school. There's no indication whatsoever that the school is seeking to police what happens at home.

But OP said Father's Day was Special Persons Day too, so it isn't about the denigration or women or their roles is it?

As long as it's the same on Fathers Day I would have no issue with it. DD has SN and lost her Dad two years ago. She finds Fathers Day very upsetting and the school always make sure that she goes off with one of the TAs and makes a card for me instead.

It's not just on the day she gets upset, she will randomly ask me through the year what will happen on Fathers Day.

I don't remember it being a thing when I was at school.

Sure, but the sensible way to do that is during the course of the normal school day - not deliberately setting up an activity which others them and expecting them to cope.

@UniPsychle Bereaved children are asked to handle things we would not ask an adult to handle.
How would you react if two weeks after your mum's death your workplace made you make Mothers Day cards alongside your colleagues as a fun teambuilder? You would be outraged at their insensitivity.

By the same logic, what about kids who don't have a "special person" in their lives? 😶

@Annalouisa I always think that too.

A child who doesn't have a single special person whether grandparent, foster parent, sibling would be a very sad case and, I hope, would be getting more intervention than an alternative card making session.

Yes - this exactly. It's far deeper rooted than just a card. A bereaved child has to endure other issues. A permanent lack of parent at sports days, assemblies, fun events - the whispering behind the back, the looks to see who is picking the child up and what relation they could be? Bereaved children don't fit in as easily as others because they have other issues to contend with - which time usually heals, but making them make a card knowing they have no one to give it too is cruel. Posters who think it's 'just life' clearly have a lot to learn. Be grateful it wasn't you.

Maybe their teacher, who is sensitive enough to know that not all kids have mothers to give their card to, is a special person to that child?

Having read through the thread I'm now leaning towards schools having one day to celebrate the people who care for us. Assembly, cards and crafts, tea party, the full thing. They can invite the dinner ladies and the lollipop people too, bring the whole community together and make it a whole school celebration.

That's what I'd do if I was in charge of the world, anyway.

@Quveas you are late to the party, several people have explained the roots of Mothering Sunday to me, which I actually do appreciate.

Samhain and modern Halloween are poles apart, and I stand by my comment that Halloween, and especially ‘trick or treat’ are commercial enterprises to sell tat and sugar. Guising is a long standing tradition where I am from, but it was nothing like Halloween today.

Totally agree there is a discussion to be had. Mothers and Others as suggested would be great. But school appear not to have had the discussion , just unilaterally decided.

As I said in my original posy, happy to see all positive influences celebrated, but why cancel Mothers?

You're right, it probably can't be done quickly but I would very much hope that any child who is in this situation has already been receiving some form of additional support. All the schools I work with have put in something extra for children who have been bereaved. For children who are not experiencing trauma but whose every day 'normal' includes not having either a mum or a dad around then sensible, inclusive conversations when you're introducing the activity would be enough.

I completely agree

Well I would hope there was somebody. As a teacher I hope I would know about a child in this situation and try to make their life easier all the time.

Love this

I’m not usually a fan when the names of things change but I really can’t see the issue with this. There are children who don’t have a mother, they could live with their dad, and aunt, in foster care. All the references to Mother’s Day could make them feel left out.

I heard of this happening twice over the years. However it was where a child had lost their mother tragically the month before and it was a tiny school all parents were advised they were taking this approach.

Each year after they always framed mother's or father's day as themselves but also highlighted you could include someone else who is important to them.

That is really the only case where I could understand taking the action.

Quite. That would surely be a case for SS and either school would be aware and could work around the odd case, or it would be something that would actually be of benefit coming to light as the child clearly isn't in the right home.

And if your kid comes home and bring your a card saying how much they love you but you're upset because it doesn't have the Mom word emblazoned across it, give them a pen or check your yourself.