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Mothers' day if your mum has died

92 replies

silverycurtains · 16/03/2023 08:01

My mum died two years ago and this year it's the second anniversary of her sudden death on mothers' day itself. 😬

It's still sometimes hard to believe she's not here but as we were so close I know she wouldn't want us to be sad, so I have tried to reframe mothers' day as a 'celebration' of her life, just in the same way I would have done if she was still here.

If she was here, we'd probably all get together for a big roast, have a few glasses of Prosecco and so we're going to do the same and continue to mark the day as a special occasion. I will probably stay off social media though as I find the many 'my mum is the best mum in the world' posts still a little too close to the bone.

If you had a good relationship with your mum and she's no longer here, what will you be doing?

OP posts:

TinaTotal · 17/03/2023 17:55

My mum passed away in January so this is the first Mother's Day without her. I just feel so empty. We will have lunch out with my own family but I just want my mum, miss her so much.


AliasGrape · 17/03/2023 17:59

My mum died ten years ago, She’s the mum who brought me up and I adored her. I also lost my birth mum - she died having me, that one didn’t used to affect me much but since having my own daughter it plays on my mind a bit more.

I’m generally ok but took my daughter to a class that had a Mother’s Day theme yesterday - they were playing a song that brought back memories and I ended up making an idiot of myself and having a little cry (hopefully it was fairly discrete anyway).

I’ll enjoy the day with my daughter but in a fairly low key way. I will remember my mum(s) though and raise a g&t to her once DD is in bed.

Im so sorry to those whose loss is more immediate and raw, and to everyone feeling it however long it has been. It can be a tough day.


silverycurtains · 17/03/2023 18:08

I've just been reading all the posts here and although everyone's experience is different, the pain all feels the same. I'm so sorry for all your losses. Flowers

OP posts:

Train007 · 17/03/2023 18:17

My Mum died suddenly nearly 9 years ago . It will also be her Birthday on Mother’s Day. Am going for pub lunch with my children,granddaughter she never met and my lovely sister.We shall be raising a glass to our darling lady.💕


Parfortheparsnip · 17/03/2023 20:17

I lost my mum very suddenly in June 2021 so this will be my second without her. I still can't quite believe the situation although I think she would be proud of how I'm doing. I miss her so much. At times I'd say the pain is still quite unsurvivable but I try to focus on my kids. They are still very young. I think I will try to focus my day on being a mum rather than missing a mum, but I know it'll be so hard.


HundredMilesAnHour · 17/03/2023 20:23

I ignore it completely. I don't have DC, and my mother and both grandmothers died many years ago. It can still be hard but I find ignoring it works well for me. This year I'll be up at 3.30am to travel to the airport for a flight to Australia so mother's day will be the last thing on my mind.


Wilma55 · 17/03/2023 20:26

Me and my brothers raise a glass to her at a synchronised time. We do the same on her birthday. It's 5 years now.


GreysEmma · 17/03/2023 20:29

I lost my mum 6 months ago and finding it hard this week with all the mothers day reminders. My husband agreed with his mum that we would all go out together with our 2 young children. I don't feel like it but think I'll suck it up and go and probably have a cry to myself when everyone's asleep and remember her


Butternutscotch · 17/03/2023 20:35

I also lost my mum 2 years ago.
I will celebrate me as a mum, and my partners mum as a mother in law that aways treated me as a daughter.
How about celebrating your mums life with a drink and thinking about her and how much you loved her and how special it was to be her daughter?
Celebrate the lives of al woman, all your fiends mums and grandmothers.
It doesn't have to be a sad day.

Celebrating life is all about life and death and the continuation of our own lives and what we will remember and pass on to our own children :) xxx


Dontforgetaboutit · 17/03/2023 20:51

I lost my mum when I was a young child a long time ago now. I used to dread Mother’s Day but since becoming a mum myself, I focus on that which seems to help, although my dd brought me home a card she’d made at school today and all I could think was I hope there isn’t anyone in her class who doesn’t have a mum; that was the worst feeling at school.

I don’t even remember my mum as I was so young when she died. I think what I miss most is what could have been.


Bobbybobbins · 17/03/2023 21:11

It's my first mothers' day without my mum. We are taking the kids to a water park for the day, total distraction!


Laptopneeded · 17/03/2023 21:17

I think about dm all the time even though she died a long time ago.

It's a day of mixed blessing because I have two beautiful dc.
I try and do something busy with dc z and of I do cry I love try not to let the flood waves come


VoluptuaSneezelips · 19/03/2023 08:30

Just want to send everyone a little virtual hug this morning, thinking of you all. 💐


stuffnthings · 19/03/2023 12:32

Hope everyone is managing today ok, thoughts with you all.

We’ve been up to see DW and left flowers and had a little chat. The DD’s have had hot chocolate and now I’m cooking lunch for my Mum, whilst the DD’s argue over playing netball and who’s winning! Also seeing DMIL this evening, it will have been hard for her today also.


DustyLee123 · 19/03/2023 12:32

I always tidy up her grave and put a spring plant on it


cheatingcrackers · 19/03/2023 12:41

Flowers to all.

Having said I don’t find today that hard, today I am finding it tough and it has taken me by surprise. I guess that’s the nature of grief though - it has a way of upending you when not expected.


GettingStuffed · 19/03/2023 12:48

I lost my mum decades ago and my wonderful MiL in January. We're just treating it as any other day. I would have liked a special meal to celebrate their lives but DH has bough pork for roasting, which is one of my least favourite meals.

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