Asking a man to marry you.

[mumontheskoolrun]

Would you ask a man to marry you?

Obviously not just any man, I mean your boyfriend or partner, but would you?

My DH always said it's the man's job to ask and he always wanted to ask me and that if id have asked him, he would have said no.

He did ask, 9 years ago and we have been married for nearly 8 years, 2 DC since but I'm just intrigued what others think?

Depends on the relationship like most things. If you knew it was really important to him to propose then obviously it would be a loving thing to let him do it but that doesn’t translate for every relationship.

Yes, I’d prefer it that way. Not in a big ‘proposal’ type way of course, in a general chat instigated by me. And considering I’ve turned down his offer of marriage over a dozen times it would need to come from me now as he’d never bring it up again.

He would never have attempted a proposal (ring, knee, question, etc) in the early days of our relationship as I would have left him.

No because marriage generally disadvantages women unless they are SAHMs.

I’m not sure I’d be that happy with a bloke who’d turn me down because the man asking is more important to him than my feelings and being married to me.

What a strange relationship, do you actually like him, or is he just a bit strange and keeps proposing when you're clearly not interested?!

This! What kind of idiot would opt to lose someone he loves because of some ingrained, sexist idiocy?

No, I wouldn’t want to propose. I want a man to propose to me.

I’d rather we had a discussion about it and both talked through the pros and cons together, than a proposal, I find them outdated and sexist. Especially if he’d asked my dad beforehand too 🤮 but I’d have no problem instigating the conversation

I asked my husband to marry me over 23 years ago. Married for nearly 22 years now so it doesn’t seem to have affected our long term relationship.

He said was planning to ask me when we went on holiday, I just beat him to it.

No disadvantage to either of us over the years, in fact our son thinks this is very acceptable and normal.

No I would never propose to a man. I would want him to ask me to marry him. What other people do, or think about it, means nothing to me.

No. I prefer a discussion about how we feel and how we see the future and decide together if we want to get married.
That's what we did. It was our silver wedding anniversary last week. I never wanted The Proposal. It's a huge decision and something you plan together rather than something the man springs on you when he feels like it.

Nobody gets down on one knee and says "will you be impregnated by me?" Marriage is no different imo. Discussion not proposal.

I know some people have the discussion and agree to marry then do the whole on one knee thing too so they can say they proposed/ were proposed to on top of the Eiffel tower or whatever but that just seems unnecessary to me.

Maybe I'm just not romantic. 🤣

If I wanted to get married, why not? I don’t though, so I won’t. 😅

It seems outdated nonsense to me for it to be something only a man does. And obsessive heard so many men think once they’ve proposed they’ve ‘done their bit’. No help with planning and organising a wedding, they just continue on doing their ‘manly’ things.

I did! Now DH came down one morning and I just handed him a cup of tea and said "I've been thinking, I think we should get married" He said he thought that was a brilliant idea, gave me a kiss and we then spent that weekend pottering round little antiques places looking for a ring. I think we told parents 3 weeks later and were married about 9/10 months after that.

No, I think you’re right. It’s a ridiculous farce to actually decide to get married, but then stage a ‘proposal’ with Insta-friendly setting and accoutrements and performances of great surprise and delight on the part of the woman. (How odd that the staged proposal appears to never involved the woman ‘surprising’ the man on a balloon ride over the Pyramids, or a romantic picnic with a concealed photographer…)

Of course not. It is the man’s job and I do feel any woman who asks has little self respect.

I asked my DH to marry me, twice because he turned me down the first time. The second time he was so drunk that I phoned him in the morning to make sure that he remembered saying 'yes'. That must have been Christmas of 1987 because we were engaged for about three years and got married in spring of 1991.

Your DH is a dinosaur. WTF would it matter who asked whom?

We talked about, decided it made sense for a couple of practical reasons so we did it. You know, like healthy people discussing plans, not Insta-worthy performances.

that's what I did too! we were having a nice day out and I said I think we should get married and he said yeah we should, so we booked somewhere in the next few days. I've never been a fan of proposals or engagement rings and what they represent. A marriage is an equal partnership between two people.

DH is working at home so I just read this out to him. We laughed.

I did. We had not married while we were both working and had two houses, for tax reasons. When that was over, we just went along as before, until I thought that it would be better ( mainly Inheritance tax) to be married. So I said that, and we did.

not very romantic, I suppose, but we have been together for more than forty years, so it seems okay for us. I think that it should be a mutual decision, probably at any given time, one person will feel more (or less) inclined, but that’s a good reason to discuss and evaluate the relationship.

tiny story incoming….My DH went to an reunion type of event in his home town, without me. His best friend from there had just split from his girl friend and was feeling a bit sorry for himself, so he asked DH how long we had been married, as he knew we had been together for about 25 years at that point. DH replied ‘ seven weeks’.

I proposed to my husband 5 years ago! Married 4 years in July. I've since asked him if he was disappointed he didn't get too, he said he wasn't and was just happy we were getting married.
I definitely wouldn't want to be marrying someone with views that only a man should propose..

I’m another one who didn’t really have a ‘proposal’ but a joint conversation, and then we went ring shopping together.

However- I’m incredibly anti the women proposing, which to my mind…is completely different. However nice and great you think your Nigel is- declaring to a man great feeling when he has not done the same, can often them carte blanche to take the piss. Because then he knows he’s got you.

Fair enough if he does the same for you- but every relationship I know where the woman organises the romantic surprises, is the sole driver in ‘nesting’ within their joint property or wants to TTC or even considers proposing to her dragging-the-heels bloke is a complete binfire shitshow with an apathetic bloke at the heart of it. And he continues doing what he pleases on his own time- because she has made it clear that she isn’t going anywhere by openly saying she wants him to her DC’s father/husband.

Princessing men never ends well.

I’m sure you did. Just like I laugh when I hear of women who propose to their partners 😂

You clearly know a lot of depressing cave men.

I did.

I was fairly certain he would say yes, from our general planning-for-the-future conversations.

He promises he would have got around to it eventually, but I knew that if I wanted a romantic gesture, I had better orchestrate one.

We have been married over twenty years.