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Original poster

Asking a man to marry you.

76 replies

mumontheskoolrun · 13/03/2023 08:42

Would you ask a man to marry you?

Obviously not just any man, I mean your boyfriend or partner, but would you?

My DH always said it's the man's job to ask and he always wanted to ask me and that if id have asked him, he would have said no.

He did ask, 9 years ago and we have been married for nearly 8 years, 2 DC since but I'm just intrigued what others think?

OP posts:
ramanw · 13/03/2023 12:20

I don't know why but I would never propose to a man. I guess it's just tradition, even though I'm not a particularly traditional person.

I actually don't know why I have this view but it makes me feel as if the woman must be some sort of bunny boiler asking the man. Like trying to pin him down and make sure no one else can get to him (I realise how ridiculous this sounds but it's just ingrained in me for some reason).

SpinningFloppa · 13/03/2023 12:22

No never. I would expect the man to ask and if he didn’t I would take it as he didn’t want to marry me.

Daffodilled · 13/03/2023 12:23

We had a conversation about getting married and agreed we both wanted to, so did.

Proposals make me feel uncomfortable and cringey. I’d have hated DH to get down on one knee and do all that cheesy Hallmark stuff, and I damn well wasn’t going to do that Grin

Rinkydinkydoodle · 13/03/2023 12:24

@IncompleteSenten

if a fella could impregnate me while kneeling at my feet I would genuinely not know whether to be thrilled or terrified 😜

MaryJean87 · 13/03/2023 13:26

My husband asked me and that's what I wanted to happen. I'd been messed around and put up with so much shitty behaviour from men in my past that I wanted him to do something for me. It wasn't the most grand gesture but he had put thought into choosing and buying a ring, planning the proposal and it meant a lot to me. He made me feel really special.

Suprima · 13/03/2023 13:43

LesserBohemians · 13/03/2023 09:26

You clearly know a lot of depressing cave men.

Show quote history

And a lot of women who are terrified to be single so accept whatever scrap they are thrown

Alfiesmom74 · 13/03/2023 13:44

I did! On a packed aeroplane flying over Athens. Got the cabin crew to make an announcement and I asked him. I’d bought him a ring and everything. Looking back I can’t believe I did as I’d never do it now. We’ve been happily married now for 16 years! If I’d have waited for him to do it we’d have been in our 80’s haha.

xJoy · 13/03/2023 13:49

Well, not at this stage in my life, but 20 years ago I should have said, do you see us getting married, and if the response hadn't been enthusiastic, I should have left.
Low self esteem is a curse.

Lifeisapeach · 13/03/2023 20:44

I love the traditional way and the romance of a man getting down on one knee . Things are changing and people do it differently now. I get that. But I love the tradition of it. My husband asking me to marry him was one of the most special moments in my life and I’ll treasure it.

Interested to understand … for those not fussed on the traditional way in favour of equality etc … how many of those did the whole ‘ lady walks down the aisle’ type wedding?

SageMist · 13/03/2023 20:51

I can't believe people are still asking this question. I proposed to my first husband over 40 years ago!
If you want to get married then just ask.

WeWereInParis · 13/03/2023 21:11

Lifeisapeach · 13/03/2023 20:44

I love the traditional way and the romance of a man getting down on one knee . Things are changing and people do it differently now. I get that. But I love the tradition of it. My husband asking me to marry him was one of the most special moments in my life and I’ll treasure it.

Interested to understand … for those not fussed on the traditional way in favour of equality etc … how many of those did the whole ‘ lady walks down the aisle’ type wedding?

We didn't. We had a pretty small wedding without a lot of the typical wedding stuff (no bridesmaids, best man, flowers, photographer etc). We walked down the aisle together. Not as a big statement or anything, it's just what we did.

I have absolutely nothing against weddings. We're going to a big traditional white wedding in a few weeks and from what I've heard from the bride it's going to be fabulous and I'm really looking forward to it. But it's just not what we wanted for our wedding.

Somanycats · 13/03/2023 21:21

I would and I did. Been married 30 years now. I just got bored of waiting and was 30 and wanted children so needed to get things kick started.

MrNorrell · 13/03/2023 21:30

Lifeisapeach · 13/03/2023 20:44

I love the traditional way and the romance of a man getting down on one knee . Things are changing and people do it differently now. I get that. But I love the tradition of it. My husband asking me to marry him was one of the most special moments in my life and I’ll treasure it.

Interested to understand … for those not fussed on the traditional way in favour of equality etc … how many of those did the whole ‘ lady walks down the aisle’ type wedding?

I didn't, but we just had a very quick trip to the registry office.
I've been to quite a few weddings since lockdown finished- mostly people in their 20s and 30s- and I think only one couple did the woman walking down the aisle.

Choconuttolata · 13/03/2023 21:34

I proposed to DH with a silly paper ring made from a luminous pink post-it note, still married 14 years later.

MistySkiesAreGone · 13/03/2023 21:37

My friend did. He was planning too as well and had a ring. They are married with 1 DC now.

Dacadactyl · 13/03/2023 21:40

No I wouldn't propose to a man in a million years.

I did however tell him that I wanted to get married.

And if he hadn't married me, I'd have left him (but he doesn't/didnt know that part)

Survey99 · 13/03/2023 22:00

Lifeisapeach · 13/03/2023 20:44

I love the traditional way and the romance of a man getting down on one knee . Things are changing and people do it differently now. I get that. But I love the tradition of it. My husband asking me to marry him was one of the most special moments in my life and I’ll treasure it.

Interested to understand … for those not fussed on the traditional way in favour of equality etc … how many of those did the whole ‘ lady walks down the aisle’ type wedding?

Met our witnesses at our house, taxi together to registry office and walked in together. It was a special moment affirming our commitment to each other as two equal adults, but without having to dress up in virginal white and without being walked down the aisle and presented for a change of ownership.

PutinTheFuckingBasket · 13/03/2023 22:12

I asked my husband. We'd already talked about marriage, but it was still nerve wracking.

He did say in the moments after "but it should have been me!", but he was half joking and half kicking himself he hadn't got his arse in gear sooner and made the romantic gesture, he didn't really care. The important thing was we were moving forward with our lives and we wanted to get married, so it was lovely to start planning it and didn't matter where the proposal came from.

SkaneTos · 13/03/2023 22:20

I am perpetually single, so I can't answer for myself.
But my best friend (a woman) proposed to her partner (a man), and he said yes. They had discussed marriage beforehand, but she was the one who asked him to marry her. They have now been happily married for three years.

Bikechic · 13/03/2023 22:24

My DH also gave me fair warning that he wanted to propose rather than be proposed to. He didn't say he would say no if I did though, just that he'd always imagined he'd be the one to ask and wanted it to be that way.

Aphrathestorm · 13/03/2023 23:39

I wouldn't want to marry someone who didnt want me enough to think I deserved a proper proposal.

I'm aware lots of women disagree.

LesserBohemians · 13/03/2023 23:40

Aphrathestorm · 13/03/2023 23:39

I wouldn't want to marry someone who didnt want me enough to think I deserved a proper proposal.

I'm aware lots of women disagree.

Well, supposing he thinks similarly, that he doesn’t want to marry someone who can’t be bothered to propose to him?

Stompythedinosaur · 14/03/2023 08:11

Well, I definitely wouldn't marry someone with a stupid sexist attitude to being unwilling to marry a woman who asked him, so it seems like doing the asking might serve a helpful screening purpose.

Personally I wouldn't as I don't want to get married and am perfectly happy in my long-term unmarried relationship.

Mentalpiece · 14/03/2023 08:37

My lovely daughter in law proposed to my son on a leap year.
I'm glad she did or he would have missed out on a wonderful woman.

Rokerwriter · 14/03/2023 08:56

I did, because I'd been adamant for so long I didn't want to get married that when my attitude changed because we had a child, and I felt I needed to make my feelings clear to him. He's got both the self-confidence and respect for me not to feel in any way challenged by that. It was 28 years ago now and we went to a register office with both sets of parents and two friends as witnesses.
To be honest, I've always struggled with the wedding traditions. The only thing about engagements/weddings that makes me feel more nauseous than a traditional down-on-one-knee proposal is the idea of being 'given away' by my father. I loved my father dearly, but I wasn't anyone's to give away. I'd rather he'd sold me, at least it suggests I have a value.

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