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Original poster

I hate a co worker so much at work

56 replies

annoyed60 · 12/03/2023 12:57

Hi all
I really need help.
I work with my other half, Im his boss, we have been in a relationship for 6 yrs. Yes we've had our ups and downs but nothing major, until now!
A couple of yrs ago, a co worker showed interest in my partner, flirts, etc, nothing major but she always did it in front of me. Asking to see pics of him, asking me about private information.
This turned his head as it would do any man but I made it clear to him that I wasn't happy about him having cosy conversations with her and if he preferred her then I would walk away.
He assured me that he wasn't interested, and things calmed down. However Ive since found out they have little conversations when Im not there, He tells her about our relationship etc.
3 weeks ago she started again, asking me if he was at work, what time he finished etc, I just ignored her. I told him but he shrugged it off.
We always have our breaks together but this day he didn't tell me he was going for his break and when I went to the canteen he was sitting with her laughing and joking, I just left.
Later that day we had a massive row about it and his excuse was he was waiting for me.(he always came to the office before).
Anyway to cut a long story short, the next day he deleted me from Facebook and added her, no explanation, nothing. When i confronted him he said I'd annoyed him and he did it on a whim, Problem is he wont deleted her even though he says he doesn't even like her, He sent me a friends request which i told him I will not accept until she's deleted. He bluntly said well that wont happen. To me he's overstepped my boundary and because of his attitude over the last 2 weeks I've decided to end it, he doesn't seem bothered in the slightest, But Im having a hard time because to me he prioritised her over me.
Do I stick to my guns and walk away.

OP posts:
MelloYellow · 12/03/2023 15:01

PoliticallyCorrectCatCall · 12/03/2023 14:31

Are you 17 year olds working at Pizza Hut? All very childish OP. Get rid and get out.

My thoughts exactly

GulfCoastBeachGirl · 12/03/2023 15:05

xJoy · 12/03/2023 14:55

Oh wait, you're his boss. Can you move him to another team?

That will certainly solve her dilemma as no doubt she'll be fired when he complains to management.

She is in a position of authority over him in the workplace. Their romantic entaglement is problematic as it is, let alone reassigning him because her feelings are hurt.

CalistoNoSolo · 12/03/2023 15:06

Sounds like he's already shagging her, or has plans to do so imminently. It is all very juvenile from all three of you and if I was your boss I'd be really unimpressed that this behaviour is going on at work. So unprofessional. Dump him for good, look for another job and don't shag your colleagues in future is my advice.

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Relationship problems
TessoftheDubonnet · 12/03/2023 15:06

You need a new job.

Nothing else to be said.

excelledyourself · 12/03/2023 15:11

Working together, you being his boss, and always taking breaks together sounds so suffocating. I'm surprised your relationship has lasted this long.

I'd let it go, it all sounds a bit immature and tiresome.

RememberNancyDrew · 12/03/2023 15:31

Does your employer know the boss is dating a direct report?

You need a new job stat because you will not be able to properly manager your ex-significant other.

Supersands · 12/03/2023 15:47

I don’t think you sound immature. It sounds more like he is having an emotional affair and does t care what you think. The colleague sounds like trouble. He is playing you off against her. Your last sentence says all you need to know.

mintbiscuit · 12/03/2023 15:54

I can’t get past you having a relationship with your direct report. What on earth are you playing at???

MolkosTeenageAngst · 12/03/2023 16:09

I think you are being unreasonable trying to control who he can and can’t talk to at work or who he can and can’t add on Facebook. Your reasons largely sound petty, as does the behaviour of him and her.

Sounds like you are better without him.

Original poster
annoyed60 · 12/03/2023 16:11

Thanks for all your comments, we have been together for 6 yrs, almost 7. Being the boss has never been a problem, he does his job I do mine, work is work, I have never overstepped the mark and given him any privileges.
We dont live together and we see each other maybe 3 times a week so its never been a problem, He has his space and interests, and I have mine.
She works in another part of the company.

OP posts:
Justalittlebitduckling · 12/03/2023 16:11

This turned his head as it would do any man

Actually not all men behave like this; you can’t blame her entirely for what’s happened as he’s also at fault. I think you need to ditch the pair of them and ideally get a new job. The Facebook behaviour is very immature imo.

Schoolchoicesucks · 12/03/2023 16:12

You've been together 6 years and are falling out over being Facebook friends?

I think the relationship is over. Don't date co-workers, particularly ones you manage in future.

AcrossthePond55 · 12/03/2023 16:14

CoraggioCara · 12/03/2023 13:02

This turned his head as it would do any man
**
Not true. There are some good ones.

Do I stick to my guns and walk away.

Your call of course but since you asked that seems like a good idea.

What she said^^

@annoyed60

A good man doesn't get his 'head turned'. We had a bit of this in a sport club DH belonged. At one point the woman actually took his wedding ring when had it off to wash his hands and then 'playfully' refused to give it back saying "Oh you don't really want it back, do you?". He shut her down in no uncertain (and not very polite) terms.

Your DH is getting his ego stroked by this woman and since you believe he's not trustworthy that's the start of a very steep and slippery slope.

No employee is irreplaceable. No man is irreplaceable. Tell him that she goes or you do.

TessoftheDubonnet · 12/03/2023 16:17

No employee is irreplaceable. No man is irreplaceable. Tell him that she goes or you do.

😱

That's not how employment law works...

Nanny0gg · 12/03/2023 16:27

It all sounds very dysfunctional

Where was this relationship going before this colleague turned up?

BeyondMyWits · 12/03/2023 16:46

I would walk.

Love should not be that hard. Sounds like you are on different pages.

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/03/2023 16:47

How old are you op? Are you looking to settle down eventually? If you are, staying in this relationship is sabotaging that as right now, you’re both just place holding.

I agree with others, it’s over. Whether or not you want to get another job is a different matter. I would want to if at all possible. Can you move to another part of the business not connected with either of them?

RollerCoaster2020 · 12/03/2023 16:51

Why don't you have a word with her and tell her to back off?

snowfal · 12/03/2023 16:55

If you are at the point when you are arguing over facebook surely it's the end.

TwinsAndTiramisu · 12/03/2023 16:55

Igniteyourbones · 12/03/2023 14:02

How old are you? This sounds like 8 year olds in the playground.

This. So much.

MissMogwai · 12/03/2023 17:44

Sorry but this all sounds a bit childish and dramatic. He sounds like a dick.

I'd walk away from him and try to keep a professional distance at work. Don't let it jeopardise your job!

Cocobutt · 12/03/2023 17:46

However Ive since found out they have little conversations when Im not there,

So he’s not allowed to talk to his co-worker when you are not there?

If this is true then you need to back off as you are suffocating him and being controlling.

The entire thing sounds so childish.

Cherrysoup · 12/03/2023 18:26

He’s prioritising her over you and refusing to delete her from Facebook says it all, really, despite knowing it upsets you. Is the relationship at an end?

Womblemumma · 12/03/2023 18:29

I’d run, not walk, like I was on fire and was gasoline. This is not ok.
my guess is they’ll date for about three weeks, the shine of taking someone’s man will ware off and he will try to come back. Please slam the door hard when this happens , and chuck all his crap out of your home.

Hawkins003 · 12/03/2023 18:31

I guess years sunk cannot always be a reliable indication of how the relationship is.

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