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Original poster

What do private schools do that state schools don't?

488 replies

Mommymoments · 09/03/2023 12:24

For me the local private does
Weekly swimming
Learning an orchestra instrument (extra cost)
Debating
Language (Spanish, French, German & afterschool Latin, Mandarin & Russian)
Yoga
Hockey & Lacrosse
Lots of sporting & drama opportunities
Excellent field trips out of school
Ski trip from Y7 onwards..

Would love all that for my dc's but can't afford it. But would love to hear about all the nice extras your dc's get at their private.

OP posts:
DanceMonster · 10/03/2023 08:58

HMTheQueenMuffin · 10/03/2023 06:51

A good point indirectly made up thread is about the catchment monopply that some parents play in order to get their dcs into a good state school. That is still paying for education, by means if a different route- yet for some reason is seen as perfectly acceptable in some sections of society (looking at you, dear cousin) whereas just paying for private is seen as being unethical. (again looking at your dear cousin who is so vocally opposed to private education and has called me a Tory stooge for choosing this). Catchment monopoly is still far out of the reach of many and perpetuates a lack of economic diversity as well, in my view.

Yes, exactly this. If we moved to the catchment of our nearest excellent state secondary it would cost us an extra £200k for a comparable house to the one we live in.

Original poster
Mommymoments · 10/03/2023 08:59

Plirtle · 09/03/2023 13:59

This is just an out and out bias

You might be put off by a confident manner and a posh voice but I can tell you it doesn't do any of them any harm later in life. This obsession with teens having to be meek and mild otherwise they'll somehow draw attention to themselves is a peculiarly mumsnet opinion.

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Personally I love it! The private school kids I know are so confident & well spoken. They can hold their own any where. They feel their voice is important & will try their hand at anything. Very sporty even though two aren't naturally, they didn't have a choice but to get stuck in.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mommymoments · 10/03/2023 09:02

UWhatNow · 09/03/2023 14:02

Forget that list op. Most of the children from state schools do those things.

What people are buying, but will never admit, is a privileged white enclave where their precious children are protected from having anything to do with the chavs or disruptive SEND pupils. They teach them all the codes and social signifiers that guarantees they will part of that special club into their adult life too.

I often see the secret codes & markers mentioned on here @UWhatNow can you elaborate. Is it something state kids could emulate if they wanted?

OP posts:

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Original poster
Mommymoments · 10/03/2023 09:12

LeatherSkirt82 · 09/03/2023 14:24

Drama, debate, programming, languages (including Mandarin and Arabic), music (including piano and drums), tennis, swimming, ski trips (and courses), martial arts course, netball, small classes, specialist teachers, their own veggie garden, well-balanced menu for lunches (on prem chef, no junk food), no phones in school policy, zero tolerance policy for bullying... Most importantly, as other PPs mentioned - confidence and resilience (which are two focal points of our local private that DD attends).

Interesting & this is an observation of mine, I don't mean to be offensive but the vast majority of the kids at the privates locally are not overweight compared to the kids at dc's school .. I guess all the sport & good lunches keeps them healthy.

OP posts:
Florin · 10/03/2023 09:19

I so agree with this. I lost a friend as she thought us choosing a private school was unethical. However they rented their house out for a year and rented another in the catchment of their preferred school a couple of miles down the road then a year later when they had got their eldest into the school they moved back to their old house. At least we were honest.

redskylight · 10/03/2023 09:19

Mommymoments · 10/03/2023 09:12

Interesting & this is an observation of mine, I don't mean to be offensive but the vast majority of the kids at the privates locally are not overweight compared to the kids at dc's school .. I guess all the sport & good lunches keeps them healthy.

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Surely this is nothing to do with being a private school and simply to do with being from a more affluent family?

DanceMonster · 10/03/2023 09:24

Florin · 10/03/2023 09:19

I so agree with this. I lost a friend as she thought us choosing a private school was unethical. However they rented their house out for a year and rented another in the catchment of their preferred school a couple of miles down the road then a year later when they had got their eldest into the school they moved back to their old house. At least we were honest.

And at least by paying for private school you weren’t taking a state school place from a child who was actually in catchment! Cheeky fuckers

Florin · 10/03/2023 09:24

redskylight · 10/03/2023 09:19

Surely this is nothing to do with being a private school and simply to do with being from a more affluent family?

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Possibly but in our ds’s prep school there isn’t a single over weight child. We have the opposite problem in trying to get ours to gain weight even though he eats like a horse. However we reckon he does sports/runs around between 2.5-3.5 hours during the school day plus sports both days at the weekend so he does a lots of exercise.

Original poster
Mommymoments · 10/03/2023 09:26

SavBlancTonight · 09/03/2023 14:40

Okay, fair enough.

I will edit my statement, "often cushions them from having to deal or see the hard truths of life, or people who are different to them."

I appreciate the backlash to this statement on here and I guess it's not true of all private school children. But, I've met loads and loads of private school families because of extended family/work contacts, and while most are lovely and I genuinely like them, their children's complete obliviousness to anyone or anything that is different to them is almost always there. Not in a bad, evil, mean way, but nonetheless, it exists.

It's in the way they're so surprised that other children don't know how to do x or y. Or their genuine confusion that other schools don't offer the same things as theirs. Or their frustration when another child struggles with a game or the rules of something new.

And often the parents, who genuinely mean well etc, are equally clueless.

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An ex boyfriend of mine who went to a famous private couldn't believe I'd never been skiing at the age of 26..he was actually incredulous! He replied "you're having a laugh, not even on your schools ski trips".. My underperforming secondary has awful problems even getting teens to attend school never mind carrying us off to the Alps 🤣 He didn't get it!

OP posts:
Southwestten · 10/03/2023 09:29

I agree buying an expensive house in the catchment area of a good state school yet decrying private education is so hypocritical.

However I think the worst are people who say ‘I send my children to private school but I hate it! Private education is so unfair and unethical and I’m so upset that I cry myself to sleep every night. The sooner it’s abolished the better’ etc etc.
There’s a really simple solution to this and it’s odd they can’t work it out…….

Florin · 10/03/2023 09:29

DanceMonster · 10/03/2023 09:24

And at least by paying for private school you weren’t taking a state school place from a child who was actually in catchment! Cheeky fuckers

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I know she was so snotty about us going private and told everyone else how awful it was. I think what they did is a lot worse!

Travelationjubilation · 10/03/2023 09:32

Mommymoments · 10/03/2023 09:02

I often see the secret codes & markers mentioned on here @UWhatNow can you elaborate. Is it something state kids could emulate if they wanted?

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Clearly you aren’t in London where many of the private schools are very much not white. My own child’s school is probably about 60/70% Asian and some of the preps are almost 100% non white

soupmaker · 10/03/2023 10:05

HMTheQueenMuffin · 10/03/2023 06:51

A good point indirectly made up thread is about the catchment monopply that some parents play in order to get their dcs into a good state school. That is still paying for education, by means if a different route- yet for some reason is seen as perfectly acceptable in some sections of society (looking at you, dear cousin) whereas just paying for private is seen as being unethical. (again looking at your dear cousin who is so vocally opposed to private education and has called me a Tory stooge for choosing this). Catchment monopoly is still far out of the reach of many and perpetuates a lack of economic diversity as well, in my view.

Absolutely this, with bells on.

Plirtle · 10/03/2023 10:16

A friend of dhs - very loudly opposed to private education- pretended they were divorced and rented a flat in the catchment area of a good London state secondary. Never actually lived there, just paid rent for a year until the first of her three kids got in.

Plirtle · 10/03/2023 10:19

TheWhalrus · 09/03/2023 12:44

This feels 100% spot on to me. Obviously it will depend on specific schools etc, but you do tend to see the downside of this when comparing the performance of state school kids with that of private school kids at university level. State school kids with the same grades tend to do so much better. There are several factors in play here of course, (including that mediocre state school kids maybe don't get into good universities in the first place and that those who do may be more academically gifted than their grades suggest).

Nonetheless, much of the time, barring a few exceptions like access to certain sports and other extracurricular activities, grades are basically what you're paying for here.

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I think the research said that kids with the same lower grades - Bs and Cs - tend to do better if they've got them at state school which I completely understand. I think kids with As and A stars end up with similar results.

CrotchetyQuaver · 10/03/2023 10:26

I think it's partly in the pupil teacher ratio. Teaching can be done a lot differently when there are less children in the class. Add to that the fact the the privately educated kids are unlikely to suffer from social issues that affect some state school pupils and it makes for a better learning environment. Expectations are higher, disruption is less and the kids probably had a better start to the school day with a warm house, a good nights sleep and a decent breakfast.

Original poster
Mommymoments · 10/03/2023 10:34

BellePeppa · 09/03/2023 15:26

Definitely not in the school my children went to. A lot of (very well off) Asian, and Middle Eastern families there as well as Eastern European.

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Same in my area. The privates are much more diverse including extremely wealthy Nigerians, Russians, Kazaks, Middle Eastern, Ukrainian, Chinese, Japanese, Indian, Polish & Egyptian. This is according to friends who go to the privates in my county. Many of the families mentioned above have homes in London & in the country. And they are also significantly wealthier than the UK families.
Much more diverse than the state schools. But not economically.

OP posts:
Mumsafan · 10/03/2023 10:38

Mommymoments · 09/03/2023 12:24

For me the local private does
Weekly swimming
Learning an orchestra instrument (extra cost)
Debating
Language (Spanish, French, German & afterschool Latin, Mandarin & Russian)
Yoga
Hockey & Lacrosse
Lots of sporting & drama opportunities
Excellent field trips out of school
Ski trip from Y7 onwards..

Would love all that for my dc's but can't afford it. But would love to hear about all the nice extras your dc's get at their private.

My DD is private but both DS were state and they have all had these. The village primary the boys went to has its own pool.

Some state schools have more facilities than smaller private as well.

DD plays in an orchestra outside of school and there are only a handful of private kids in it. However private kids are usually further up the grades at an earlier age.

A teacher friend says private usually almost guarantees higher GCSE/ A level results, but he thinks the main difference is parent attitude, regardless of school/sector. And at top public school level - its the contacts made while they are there.

Plirtle · 10/03/2023 10:39

Mumsafan · 10/03/2023 10:38

My DD is private but both DS were state and they have all had these. The village primary the boys went to has its own pool.

Some state schools have more facilities than smaller private as well.

DD plays in an orchestra outside of school and there are only a handful of private kids in it. However private kids are usually further up the grades at an earlier age.

A teacher friend says private usually almost guarantees higher GCSE/ A level results, but he thinks the main difference is parent attitude, regardless of school/sector. And at top public school level - its the contacts made while they are there.

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I don't believe it's all parental attitude. I think good schools get the best out of their pupils regardless, be that state or private.

Notjustabrunette · 10/03/2023 11:01

why don’t you just pay for these things in after school clubs? That way you can pick and choose which ones your kids actually really like.

soupmaker · 10/03/2023 11:11

Plirtle · 10/03/2023 10:16

A friend of dhs - very loudly opposed to private education- pretended they were divorced and rented a flat in the catchment area of a good London state secondary. Never actually lived there, just paid rent for a year until the first of her three kids got in.

This is what meant friends of mine had to move out of London. The secondary school 10 minutes walk away from them ended up not being available to their DC and the offer they got was for a school two bus rides away. Flats were built opposite the school and rented for a year or so by wealthy parents who lived outside the catchment area.

Plirtle · 10/03/2023 11:22

Notjustabrunette · 10/03/2023 11:01

why don’t you just pay for these things in after school clubs? That way you can pick and choose which ones your kids actually really like.

My brief experience of our state secondary was that they said they offered all kinds of clubs but the reality was that the after school clubs were constantly cancelled.

DanceMonster · 10/03/2023 11:25

The state secondary near us doesn’t offer anything like that variety of after school club, and as we live in a village there are very few external extra curricular clubs for young people either. If you’re not interested in football you’re screwed really.

SnowAndFrostOutside · 10/03/2023 11:30

Interesting to see your list but we have most of these in a state secondary. Only thing missing is lacrosse, yoga and the extra languages. But I see in their GCSE candidates that they have students sitting Mandarin, Russian, Greek, Arabic, Italian etc so there must be local weekend school from them. (No Latin because that's usually not what parents choose). DC are doing Manadrin saturday day schools and they usually start from Year 1. There are a few non chinese doing them too. And many local independent kids also join at GCSE level. I can only assume the teaching isn't great at the independent.

State school also has orchestra and bands. The better ones can go to the wider area orchestra which is held at the school too.

DC doesn't want to do the sports and drama and I can't force her. I can't imagine independent forces them either.

I think the biggest difference is having rich peers.

Guis23 · 10/03/2023 11:31

Charge !