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Original poster

Dd doesn't want to play a boys part in school drama. What do I do?

72 replies

Mommymoments · 08/03/2023 20:03

My daughter came home really upset. She got the part of the prince in the end of term drama.. She is so upset. She doesn't want to play the part of a boy. She's not comfortable & I won't force her. How do I approach the school?

OP posts:
EduCated · 08/03/2023 20:03

How old is she?

Soontobe60 · 08/03/2023 20:05

Her age is irrelevant. She doesn’t want to do it, she shouldn’t be made to feel bad. If she’s still in primary, give her teacher a ring and explain.

PuttingDownRoots · 08/03/2023 20:06

Is it a girls school?
Or a pantomime style thing with the prince played by a girl and a "dame" character?

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EduCated · 08/03/2023 20:08

Soontobe60 · 08/03/2023 20:05

Her age is irrelevant. She doesn’t want to do it, she shouldn’t be made to feel bad. If she’s still in primary, give her teacher a ring and explain.

If she’s primary and it’s a whole class/year group thing, then yes a parent gets in touch.

If she’s secondary and auditioned, then the DD needs to go and explain to the teacher concerned.

Original poster
Mommymoments · 08/03/2023 20:09

Yes girls school. She's 9. She's fierce upset & said she would be too embarrassed. She has to pretend to kiss the Princess too.. Completly understand where she is coming from & wouldn't dream of trying to talk her into playing a role she's very clearly uncomfortable & upset with. She doesn't mind what part she gets but doesn't want to be a boy..

OP posts:
MrsBunnyEars · 08/03/2023 20:11

That’s fine, she should say she doesn’t want to do it. But if the alternative is no part/ props assistant / third tree, she needs to accept that instead.

housemaus · 08/03/2023 20:12

My mum told me I was being silly and that that's the point of acting - getting to be something you're not - when I was upset that I was a shepherd in the Y3 play.

I think that was the right response, personally.

Either you have to be the parent who goes in complaining your precious baby didn't get the part they want (don't be that parent) or your child misses out on doing the play and will almost definitely get FOMO at some point and be equally upset.

I think just explain to her it's acting, it'll be fun, everyone's playing a character they're not etc. Obviously you can't FORCE her to do it, but I wouldn't be going along with it as though she's been asked to perform war crimes. Its a school play, not everyone is going to get a part they want and that's a really valuable life lesson alongside the learning how to be a part of a big group project like a play.

Original poster
Mommymoments · 08/03/2023 20:13

housemaus · 08/03/2023 20:12

My mum told me I was being silly and that that's the point of acting - getting to be something you're not - when I was upset that I was a shepherd in the Y3 play.

I think that was the right response, personally.

Either you have to be the parent who goes in complaining your precious baby didn't get the part they want (don't be that parent) or your child misses out on doing the play and will almost definitely get FOMO at some point and be equally upset.

I think just explain to her it's acting, it'll be fun, everyone's playing a character they're not etc. Obviously you can't FORCE her to do it, but I wouldn't be going along with it as though she's been asked to perform war crimes. Its a school play, not everyone is going to get a part they want and that's a really valuable life lesson alongside the learning how to be a part of a big group project like a play.

That's a good way of looking at it too to be honest. I just don't want to push her into it if she feels uncomfortable.

OP posts:
Lastnamedidntstick · 08/03/2023 20:15

If it’s a girls school then someone will have to play the boy’s parts.

i did it at school. No one took the piss or commented because it wasn’t as if we could draft in some boys to play the boy parts.

she can back out but another girl will take the part and then how will she feel?

Mammillaria · 08/03/2023 20:19

It sounds like she's been offered a main role, so well done to her! At DD's secondary school a few of the main male roles are always played by girls because more girls than boys audition for the main roles, it seems fairly standard and no one seems to care that much.

Your poor DD really does seem very upset so I'd be inclined to just check there's nothing else behind it before giving up such a great role. Have any of the other children bullied her about it? Was she secretly hoping for female lead role and is just a bit disappointed (in which case she'll probably get over it and then regret giving up such a main role later)?

Original poster
Mommymoments · 08/03/2023 20:21

Mammillaria · 08/03/2023 20:19

It sounds like she's been offered a main role, so well done to her! At DD's secondary school a few of the main male roles are always played by girls because more girls than boys audition for the main roles, it seems fairly standard and no one seems to care that much.

Your poor DD really does seem very upset so I'd be inclined to just check there's nothing else behind it before giving up such a great role. Have any of the other children bullied her about it? Was she secretly hoping for female lead role and is just a bit disappointed (in which case she'll probably get over it and then regret giving up such a main role later)?

She's really girly so I think she probably hoped for one of those parts.. Thanks for the opinions I'll have a chat with her..

OP posts:
Gymnopedie · 08/03/2023 20:22

If she's the prince and she has to 'kiss' the princess it sounds like she's been given a major part. If she backs out of that role she's likely to get something that involves standing at the back and not saying anything, because the other parts are already cast. Does she understand that?

Does she know that there is a tradition in pantomime of the 'principal boy' being a woman?

Another way of looking at it with her is that whoever was allocating parts obviously thinks she's a really good actor if she's been given a principal's role. But if she's still not convinced then yes, she should be able to say she's not comfortable with it and not play that part. Does she like drama generally?

unfortunateevents · 08/03/2023 20:22

Is that the only male role in the play? If there is prince it sounds like there will be other male characters too so is she only person in a male role?

TwilightSilhouette · 08/03/2023 20:24

I can see why this would upset some children. Great chance to teach resilience though.

TwilightSilhouette · 08/03/2023 20:26

Soontobe60 · 08/03/2023 20:05

Her age is irrelevant. She doesn’t want to do it, she shouldn’t be made to feel bad. If she’s still in primary, give her teacher a ring and explain.

I disagree - her age is relevant.
If she is KS1 then OP could approach the teacher. KS2 then the child can speak to the teacher.

alexdgr8 · 08/03/2023 20:30

i don't see how you are involved at all.
if she doesn't want to do it, then she can decline the part.
too much babying of schoolchildren.
unless she has special needs.

QuietlyConfident · 08/03/2023 20:31

It's a girls' school for heavens sake.

Ask her to think about what will happen if she pulls out? Someone else will be getting the role. Does your DD intend to bully the replacement girl for acting as a boy? (Expecting the answer no, of course not).

Ask her to think whether it would make her replacement a worse person than her for accepting the role?

I'm guessing that most nine year olds in girls' schools are old enough to know and believe that homophobia is wrong. I'd ask her to think about why pretending to kiss another girl would be such a terrible thing.

This is an opportunity for her to grow up a little bit, in a good way.

icanneverthinkofnc · 08/03/2023 20:38

DS1 went to a boys' prep. Girl parts were played by the boys. They threw themselves into it with gusto and made the parts there's. Usually, a lot of humour was involved!
As long as OPs DD accepts that she may not get a role at all let alone a major one. It will give someone else a chance who may be upset that they weren't cast in the first place.

Original poster
Mommymoments · 08/03/2023 20:41

unfortunateevents · 08/03/2023 20:22

Is that the only male role in the play? If there is prince it sounds like there will be other male characters too so is she only person in a male role?

No there's more... It's Snow White & the 27 Dwarves 😁

OP posts:
Reinventinganna · 08/03/2023 20:41

This is the point of acting isn’t it? Pretending to be someone who you are not.

She doesn’t have to do it, she doesn’t have to be in the play at all. I wouldn’t be making a big deal out of it.

Regularsizedrudy · 08/03/2023 20:44

So she’s rather be a dwarf? Hmmm I think she’s probably just miffed she’s not Snow White..

GerronBuzanDoThaWomwok · 08/03/2023 20:45

Just tell them, and don't get into a discussion, be clear that she won't be doing this part/ be involved etc.

HazyDragon · 08/03/2023 20:49

I think it's fine to say no to something you're not comfortable with, I wouldn't push the issue.

WandaWonder · 08/03/2023 20:51

Up to over of course but I would be telling my child unless they only ever put on plays with 100% female cast someone has to play a boy

Same if it was boys school someone would have to play a girl

Yes people can go on about statistics but not sure how that helps a child to understand anyone can play any part it is the taking part bit that is important

Ihategoingtothehairdressers · 08/03/2023 20:51

There are some things she shouldn't be pushed to do if she's uncomfortable.

Acting a part she was given in a play she wanted to be in isn't one of them.