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Original poster

Dd doesn't want to play a boys part in school drama. What do I do?

72 replies

Mommymoments · 08/03/2023 20:03

My daughter came home really upset. She got the part of the prince in the end of term drama.. She is so upset. She doesn't want to play the part of a boy. She's not comfortable & I won't force her. How do I approach the school?

OP posts:
AnonymousArabella · 08/03/2023 22:50

carriedout · 08/03/2023 22:18

Of course you think it was the right response, you internalised the fact your mother didn't listen to you and have retrospectively justified it.

Your mum did the wrong thing, she made you to do something you didn't want to do.

You shouldn't be encouraging other people to repeat your parent's mistakes.

Show quote history

No…that’s acting.

If you want to do drama / act you can’t only take the exact part you want. There is a lot to learn, and to enjoy, about just being in the play, being part of a cast, creating something together.

In something like a play, not everyone is going to be the princess. Part of being involved in drama is sucking up being the parts you don’t want, still putting the effort in and giving it your all and doing a good job so you hopefully get more choice of parts next time.

My dd does a lot of drama. It’s her passion & she’s good. After casting, she knows she can grumble to me about not getting the part she was hoping for, or that so and so has more lines, but she also knows that, after listening to her grumble, I’ll remind her thems the breaks and she has to decide what’s important: being in the show even in a less desirable part, or not being in the show at all. And of course she chooses the show every time.

Life doesn’t work that you get exactly what you want all the time. Believing this is what life somehow owes you only leads to disappointment and selfish behaviour. If you never do anything that pushes you out of your comfort zone - because let’s face it, being out of our comfort zone will always make you feel like ‘I don’t want to do it’ - you’ll miss out on an awful lot that life has to offer. Risk taking is a valuable skill to have and sometimes that looks a bit like doing something you aren’t sure you’d want to do, or making the most of the opportunity that isn’t exactly the one you were hoping for but could still bring great things.

HedwigIsMyDemon · 08/03/2023 22:54

@carriedout sometimes it’s good to push kids out of their comfort zone - far too few kids experience this nowadays.

Dont get the part you want? Don’t worry, mum’ll fix it 🙄.

carriedout · 08/03/2023 22:57

HedwigIsMyDemon · 08/03/2023 22:54

@carriedout sometimes it’s good to push kids out of their comfort zone - far too few kids experience this nowadays.

Dont get the part you want? Don’t worry, mum’ll fix it 🙄.

I was more the type of parent to encourage my kids to make their own decisions rather than just boss them about. I wouldn't go and fix anything for them, there is no need 9although I might relay the message in primary).

Don't want to act in the play? That is your choice.

I brought my kids up to live in a liberal democracy in the 21st century. It isn't 1945 anymore.

My kids are perfectly capable of pushing themselves when they want to. It is not necessary for me to do it. Because they have a lot of autonomy, they are keen to use it.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General education
carriedout · 08/03/2023 23:02

AnonymousArabella · 08/03/2023 22:50

No…that’s acting.

If you want to do drama / act you can’t only take the exact part you want. There is a lot to learn, and to enjoy, about just being in the play, being part of a cast, creating something together.

In something like a play, not everyone is going to be the princess. Part of being involved in drama is sucking up being the parts you don’t want, still putting the effort in and giving it your all and doing a good job so you hopefully get more choice of parts next time.

My dd does a lot of drama. It’s her passion & she’s good. After casting, she knows she can grumble to me about not getting the part she was hoping for, or that so and so has more lines, but she also knows that, after listening to her grumble, I’ll remind her thems the breaks and she has to decide what’s important: being in the show even in a less desirable part, or not being in the show at all. And of course she chooses the show every time.

Life doesn’t work that you get exactly what you want all the time. Believing this is what life somehow owes you only leads to disappointment and selfish behaviour. If you never do anything that pushes you out of your comfort zone - because let’s face it, being out of our comfort zone will always make you feel like ‘I don’t want to do it’ - you’ll miss out on an awful lot that life has to offer. Risk taking is a valuable skill to have and sometimes that looks a bit like doing something you aren’t sure you’d want to do, or making the most of the opportunity that isn’t exactly the one you were hoping for but could still bring great things.

Show quote history

Your long ramble has nothing to do with my reply.

My point was that parent did the wrong thing IMO. It is nothing to do with everyone being the princess or whatever. I would not make my child do something so unimportant as be in a play if they said they did not want to. I would just allow them to decline the role.

Comefromaway · 08/03/2023 23:02

Dd trained professionally and was recently in a panto where a male role was played by a female when the original actor left.

I’ve just watched a conservatoire production where several make roles were played by girls.

if she doesn’t want to do it, then pull out now so it can be offered to another child.

Comefromaway · 08/03/2023 23:03

But a year 9 child should (barring Sen etc) be capable of telling the teacher herself. No need for you to be involved.

AnonymousArabella · 08/03/2023 23:05

carriedout · 08/03/2023 23:02

Your long ramble has nothing to do with my reply.

My point was that parent did the wrong thing IMO. It is nothing to do with everyone being the princess or whatever. I would not make my child do something so unimportant as be in a play if they said they did not want to. I would just allow them to decline the role.

Show quote history

Oh well then, shame your child will miss out on all the incidental benefits and opportunities to learn that come from leaving their comfort zone and doing things that aren’t the exact thing they desperately wanted to do.

Mammillaria · 08/03/2023 23:19

I wonder whether the character has to be male? Could they allow her to play the same role but as a (female) knight or princess? No reason why true love's kiss has to be delivered by a man (and no reason why kids need to actually kiss on stage anyway - a feigned kiss will be fine!)

IneedanewTV · 08/03/2023 23:27

alexdgr8 · 08/03/2023 20:30

i don't see how you are involved at all.
if she doesn't want to do it, then she can decline the part.
too much babying of schoolchildren.
unless she has special needs.

Exactly this. I wouldn’t get involved. It is for your Dd to tell the teacher.

My kids were put in such minor roles such as the choir or a tree. The school obviously feel she is capable of learning the lives etc.

Agapornis · 08/03/2023 23:42
purple rain prince GIF

I was verrrry uncomfortable around anything to do with kissing at that age (regardless of who was kissing who, not homophobia). Ask her a bit more about that, and if she'd be alright with it if the kiss was modified or removed e.g. a kiss on the forehead or hand.
You can also make the costume more fun - e.g. very glittery... or like Prince in long curly hair, frilly shirt and long purple coat Grin

Agapornis · 08/03/2023 23:43

(shit sorry was expecting the gif to be at the bottom)

Gymnopedie · 08/03/2023 23:43

Comefromaway · 08/03/2023 23:03

But a year 9 child should (barring Sen etc) be capable of telling the teacher herself. No need for you to be involved.

The DD is 9yo, not year 9.

Agapornis · 08/03/2023 23:45

Mammillaria · 08/03/2023 23:19

I wonder whether the character has to be male? Could they allow her to play the same role but as a (female) knight or princess? No reason why true love's kiss has to be delivered by a man (and no reason why kids need to actually kiss on stage anyway - a feigned kiss will be fine!)

This - an opportunity to show lesbian relationships! Or sisterhood - think Frozen.

Original poster
Mommymoments · 08/03/2023 23:46

Mammillaria · 08/03/2023 23:19

I wonder whether the character has to be male? Could they allow her to play the same role but as a (female) knight or princess? No reason why true love's kiss has to be delivered by a man (and no reason why kids need to actually kiss on stage anyway - a feigned kiss will be fine!)

It's a feigned kiss on the hand but she doesn't want to kiss anyone male or female. She says she's embarrassed to do a kiss, would be the same if she had to kiss a boy. It's not the gender it's the actual kiss!

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 08/03/2023 23:51

I’m in two minds about this.

It pisses me off that pretty blonde girls are still picked to be the princess.

On the other hand, being picked for a big speaking role means they know she’s clever enough to learn the lines and speak well in front of an audience, so that’s recognition of her capabilities.

I had one of the second type. She speaks at international conferences now.

00100001 · 08/03/2023 23:51

It's not a compulsory activity....

She takes the role or doesn't.

If she says no thanks, then she can help with back stage.

or just drop out.

And MOVE ON WITH HER LIFE.

ItsShiela · 09/03/2023 00:33

She can just tell her teacher she doesn't want to do it/doesn't want a part in the play. Surely it's not compulsory? Why didn't she just say no, instead of getting upset?

MaPaSpa · 09/03/2023 00:41

I’ve played the Prince before in a ballet of all women.

my niece just played usnavi the lead on into the heights. She was amazing!!!

but if dd doesn’t want to play a boy let her drop out. She’ll see someone else do it and make up her mind

Lonecatwithkitten · 09/03/2023 08:00

@Mommymoments if they took out the kiss and she say just took the Princess' hand would she be happy to play the role?
My daughter played Elle in a junior production of legally blonde and the boy who played Carrington was 4 years younger and felt uncomfortable attempting to kiss her so it was changed to an attempted hug.

If it is just the kiss that maybe worth a discussion with the teacher.

Deathraystare · 09/03/2023 08:29

@@icanneverthinkofnc·

That made me smile! It reminds me of when my brother and his school friends were due to go on to college. The last day of school they all dressed up as girls. They borrowed stuff from the girls and mothers. There was an air of great excitement! I remember seeing pictures of them all. Great fun! But I don't remember either of my brothers being princesses or whatever in drama and I never cross dressed either!

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 09/03/2023 09:26

I agree she shouldn't have to kiss a hand. Could she / you suggest the teacher rewrites it to "true loves first wish"?

Choconut · 09/03/2023 09:56

She shouldn't have to kiss anyone she's not comfortable with. Did they not get the girls to audition for the parts they wanted?

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