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Original poster

Poorly toddler - mum's got to stay at home

59 replies

poorlychild · 08/03/2023 18:28

My 2.5 year old has chicken pox and will need to be off nursery until she's better. We have no support, no grandparents or family. Husband works for a company in an office and earns double my salary. I run my own business and earn half his salary. So naturally I am now looking at at least 5 days stuck in the house with sick toddlerSad Toddler doesn't appear that unwell yet but I know she might soon become itchy and uncomfortable. She's normally a very lively child and quite hard work / requires a lot of attention. Definitely not the sort of child who would sit and watch CBeebies whilst I did some work. I won't be able to complete any tasks at all including many housework tasks for the next week. Meanwhile husbands life looks basically the same, and he's got a busy few days so won't be coming back till after DD's bedtime.

I've moved meetings and done what I can but there'll be s lot of catching up. Annoyingly I gave a teaching commitment on Saturday so whilst DH will look after DD I can't very well suggest I get some time off at the weekend.

I know it's just par for the course that as parents our child will get sick and we will have to take time off work.

Just looking for any tips to help me get through the next few days without going stir crazy or overly stressed about my work.

OP posts:
UnaVaca · 08/03/2023 18:29

Your husband needs to help. Sorry but I don’t agree with it all falling to you just because you earn less money.

SnowLemons · 08/03/2023 18:32

Your husband needs to step up. Why isn't he doing half the time off? Or 1 day for every 2 you do at the very least (only coz it might be easier for you to rearrange things than him get time off)? He must get dependents leave? Annual leave? Why is my big man's job more important than your business?

DappledThings · 08/03/2023 18:32

Yes he needs to do his share. DH earns more than twice what I do and he takes his turns with carer's leave and annual leave when needed for sick children or for school holidays. Why is it down to just you?

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Original poster
poorlychild · 08/03/2023 18:41

He's having a very busy next fortnight. He's been really stressed about it each day so the timing isn't great. He's also working away overnight for 2 nights the following week.

OP posts:
FlounderingFruitcake · 08/03/2023 18:42

Are you actually saying that he won’t be paid for time off and that with the drop in earnings you wouldn’t be able to pay the bills?

If not then he needs to step up, be a decent husband and a father and pull his weight. Sure we can recommend You Tube kids (toddler crack) to give you some peace but if he’s not willing to do his share there’s a bigger problem and I don’t know that I’d manage without getting massively resentful tbh. So he earns more and is very busy, maybe a 3:2 split of taking time off would be reasonable then. Not 5:0 to you.

Theelephantinthecastle · 08/03/2023 18:43

It actually makes more sense for him to take annual leave as it would be paid over you taking unpaid time off your business.

At least a day or two.

Writeandroll · 08/03/2023 19:00

As above, surely if he takes leave then you don’t lose income.

My DH earns almost double what I do, has far more responsibility at work, but we share the time off equally

Original poster
poorlychild · 08/03/2023 19:04

I guess the situation is that he can't take leave for the next fortnight or do, due to these imminent work deals he is working on. His boss would be highly unimpressed as well I imagine. It's one of those "high pressure" jobs - not a 9-5 office job where you can take leave at any time.

OP posts:
bellamountain · 08/03/2023 19:05

In the same boat as you but my DH is self employed so if he doesn't work, he doesn't get paid. It's tough.

WannabeMathematician · 08/03/2023 19:05

I also don’t understand why you can’t share it a bit. Also should he be going into the office if you have a child with chickenpox?

Twizbe · 08/03/2023 19:07

Tough shit mate. He's employed and you're self employed. He'll be entitled to some kind of pay on those days off and you won't.

It will be about 5 days so that's 2.5 each. Alternate them so it's not so disruptive.

THAT is the reality of parenthood. You share the load and both deal with sick kids.

FWIW I was working full time when my DS was a toddler as was DH. We both had 'big jobs' when DS was sick we split the time

Username24680 · 08/03/2023 19:10

Agree with everyone else, the tone should be split regardless.

I do think you’re being a tad dramatic though 🙈 why can’t you do housework with a toddler at home? 🤔

Its2amimustbelonely · 08/03/2023 19:11

I have a 'big job'. I earn twice what my DH does. I would never do this. It's so belittling to the parent at home. Did you ask him? Or did you just make the assumption that he couldn't?

Guis23 · 08/03/2023 19:12

It isn't helpful to the OP to have a reaction to call her hubby a this and that and he must do his share etc. She has explained the issues for them.
In which case I would say just hope it is over quickly OP. But, to bear in mind you will get this happen again and again. You will need to have alternative childcare in place so perhaps a good time to work out who/what you can do to resolve.

Keroppi · 08/03/2023 19:12

Well if he can't take any time off then you should do your teaching commitment on the sat and maybe book into a hotel or go out for dinner or drinks with a friend straight after you finish. You'll be tired but you need to put in some time for you.

Can he pay for a cleaner for a few short cleans over the next fortnight? Or laundry service? You need to at least use him to lighten the load if he can't physically. What about buying loads of easy frozen meals? Working in the evening to catch up?

Calamine lotion, piriton, oat baths and cocoa butter ready to go! I used to slather tbe children in cocoa butter or coconut oil/bio oil to keep the spots constantly moisturised. Worked well and minimal scarring.

Guis23 · 08/03/2023 19:12

Keroppi · 08/03/2023 19:12

Well if he can't take any time off then you should do your teaching commitment on the sat and maybe book into a hotel or go out for dinner or drinks with a friend straight after you finish. You'll be tired but you need to put in some time for you.

Can he pay for a cleaner for a few short cleans over the next fortnight? Or laundry service? You need to at least use him to lighten the load if he can't physically. What about buying loads of easy frozen meals? Working in the evening to catch up?

Calamine lotion, piriton, oat baths and cocoa butter ready to go! I used to slather tbe children in cocoa butter or coconut oil/bio oil to keep the spots constantly moisturised. Worked well and minimal scarring.

Really helpful practical suggestions.

Doveyouknow · 08/03/2023 19:14

Obviously you should split the 5 days between. That aside can your dh do the housework when he gets home and you concentrate on catching up on work. Also use the weekend to catch up while your DH looks after you dd.

WannabeMathematician · 08/03/2023 19:15

It isn't helpful to the OP to have a reaction to call her hubby a this and that and he must do his share etc.

I agree it’s not nice to call him names but yes it is helpful to point out their set up is unfair and he can share. She doesn’t have to shoulder this burden because she’s the lower earner.

Brunilde · 08/03/2023 19:17

This is why a lot of employers avoid taking on women with young kids. You're basically saying you don't take your job as seriously as his. Both parents should split the responsibility and share out the impact. I have a part time minimum wage job to work around the kids. But we split who has to take time off or I'd feel like I was taking the piss

Newgirls · 08/03/2023 19:18

People with own businesses can earn more than salaried partners if given the chance

if your partner was Ill his work/twisted his ankle at the gym or whatever work would cope just fine. He needs to do at least one day childcare

Sleepless1096 · 08/03/2023 19:18

My DC had chickenpox recently. He also wasn't that bad to start with but deteriorated quickly to the point where he was screaming in discomfort for hours and it flared up so badly that we had to get him checked over in hospital. I hope it's easier for your DS, but from my experience they can become very unwell/uncomfortable very, very quickly.

I wouldn't count on getting any work done this week and yes, if that's going to be a problem, your husband has to take time off and help. I have seldom been more tired/wrought out in my life than after our chicken pox experience.

Dancingdoggo · 08/03/2023 19:19

Really feel for you OP and hope your Dd has some decent naps so you can perhaps do I bit of admin at least. Definitely get the you tube crap uploaded.

I do think at the least your DH should be doing the housework and cooking etc in the evenings when he is back and be really clear he won’t be having any non required evenings with work for meals or boozing etc. Even if he has to be in work he can be clear he has a sick child and a wife who needs to work and get away as soon as it is at all feasible.

doadeer · 08/03/2023 19:21

I'm self employed and DH is salaried I would expect him to have some time off so I can work. Regardless of how busy he is. This is the nature of having a child!

Incidentally my son had chicken pox at 2/3, he is autistic and non verbal so I was expecting it to be horrific but it wasn't as bad as I thought. I put oats in some tights in the bath and he had loads of milky baths. Get some new bath toys from Amazon.

Businessflake · 08/03/2023 20:54

OP you know your husbands work commitments better than anyone on here and seem to agree he can’t simply take time off at the moment. For all we know he could be CFO of a FTSE 100 about to report results followed by a week of back to back analyst and investor meetings. I’ll take you at face value that he can’t help and actually try and answer the question you raised.

Firstly, try and relax a bit. I do think you're being a bit dramatic to say you won’t be able to get anything at all done. Yes chicken pox can be crap but it’s not always like that. You’ll probably find they sleep a lot which might give you a bit of time back.

I also wouldn’t confine myself to the house. I’d be sticking them in the pushchair and taking them out for a walk each day.

Flowersinmai · 08/03/2023 21:08

You can go for walks. Just choose places without close contact w others eg not indoors. You are not confined to the house.
Or pop her in the buggy an go out for a walk.
Oat baths are soothing for chicken pox. Oats in a tied sock. Baths can last a long time and you can clean the bathroom briefly while she plays.
It really does suck. Get your DH to take some of the load when he arrived home. He can cook dinner, hoover, out DC to bed, put a load of washing on/out etc.
Unfortunately if one spouse earns more than another if often makes financial sense to prioritize their work. However the domestic work done at home has equal - if not superior value as the higher working partner could not complete this work without the partner at home with the child. It’s super important to remember this - and remind the other person 🙂