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Original poster

Do (17) simply can't wake up in the mornings.

70 replies

BlastedPimples · 08/03/2023 15:43

It's been going on for months.

He just can't get up in the mornings. I bring him coffee. Shake him awake. Set an alarm. He just sleeps through it. Open the blinds but the daylight doesn't wake him.

He has depression. He sees a psychologist. No medication. He refuses to take any. Fair enough.

He's missing 50%+ of his A level courses. Already he's had to drop down a year because he did so badly in his AS levels last year (E and two Us)

He's had blood tests. All normal.

He wants to get up and go to school but it's like he's a total zombie in the mornings and incapable. Perhaps insomnia? He says he doesn't sleep well.

I'm at a loss as to how to help anymore and I just leave him to it now.

He's nearly 18 and I can't do anything else. School will kick him out if he doesn't do well this time around as they require minimum C grade to progress to full A level.

He gets up around midday. Manages afternoon school sometimes. The gym. Rugby training. Is he just bone idle?

Is there anything else I'm missing that he could try? Or I should do?

OP posts:
GrazingSheep · 08/03/2023 15:45

Is he on his phone all night ?

TinselAngel · 08/03/2023 15:51

What time does he go to bed?

RoseslnTheHospital · 08/03/2023 15:54

I think the problem is that although I could suggest things to tackle the insomnia, if he is unwilling to engage with any solutions then you are on a hiding to nothing to begin with.

I don't think it's "fair enough" to refuse to take medication that has been recommended by his GP or his psychologist. Particularly if his depression isn't improving. The insomnia and lack of care about his school grades is a symptom of the depression. Does he care that he will likely fail? Does he have any thoughts about his future after school?

sixfoot · 08/03/2023 15:55

What’s his plan for when he fails his A levels?

what rent will you charged him for starting at home post 18 no longer in FT education? work that out, market rate.

by 17 you shouldn’t be doing ANY of that. Not taking medication is his choice but the world won’t just fall into his lap either.

get your boundaries clear and tell him what they are.

Aquamarine1029 · 08/03/2023 16:02

It's time to get tough. He refuses to take steps to improve, fine, but there will be consequences.

The WiFi, off at 9. His phone, that he's on probably FAR too much and far too late, gone. He flunks out of school, there will be no pocket money and he will be expected to pay rent.

He needs a sharp dose of reality.

MarshaBradyo · 08/03/2023 16:04

Does he have access to computer or phone etc in night?

Original poster
BlastedPimples · 08/03/2023 16:09

He deliberately leaves his phone and laptop in the kitchen at night.

OP posts:
Flowersinmai · 08/03/2023 16:11

How is his sleep? What time does he fall asleep and how long does it take?
there are herbal sleeping aids that can be quite effective.
What mental health support is he getting ?

Womblemumma · 08/03/2023 16:11

If he goes to the gym and does rugby training he has energy ! I would shut off the Wi-Fi 9pm as other poster said and tell him if he gets kicked out of school he has to pay rent.
I think he is being manipulative and this “zombie” act is how all teens are in the morning if they are allowed to be.

TinselAngel · 08/03/2023 16:13

BlastedPimples · 08/03/2023 16:09

He deliberately leaves his phone and laptop in the kitchen at night.

What time is he going to sleep?

Clymene · 08/03/2023 16:20

What happened when he was younger? He's a bit old to suddenly start being unable to get up.

AmberGer · 08/03/2023 16:27

Dr's appointment to rule anything out.

katmarie · 08/03/2023 16:28

Op does he snore? How is his weight? It could be that he has something like sleep apnea which would mean his quality of sleep is very poor.

Original poster
BlastedPimples · 08/03/2023 16:30

So he's not on his gadgets.

They are in the kitchen at night.

He goes up to bed at about midnight.

Been to the doctor. Had blood tests. All normal.

He sometimes takes that natural sleep aid - melatonin?

He's very worried. I don't think he's taking the piss.

OP posts:
Original poster
BlastedPimples · 08/03/2023 16:31

He is definitely not overweight. He is into weight training in a big way.

OP posts:
LlynTegid · 08/03/2023 16:33

Midnight is too late.

Witsend101 · 08/03/2023 16:34

Could it be the melatonin? If my DS takes it too late it makes him feel sluggish the next morning

ItWasntMyFault · 08/03/2023 16:36

If he's into weight training, is he also taking the caffeine supplements to boost his training?

lechatnoir · 08/03/2023 16:36

If he goes up t bed at midnight and taking a sleep supplement no wonder he's so tired in the morning! Why is he going to bed so late when he's struggle to get upg? My 17 yr old goes to bed around 10:30am and our home wifi switches off at 11 on school/work nights (as much for our benefit as his!) and I still have to wake him at 7am and given the choice he would stay in bed. Appreciate if he's flat out refusing to get up it's hard at this age but surely earlier to bed would be a good start.

lechatnoir · 08/03/2023 16:37

There's no chance he's using steroids is there?

DaisyDays123 · 08/03/2023 16:40

Steroids was my thought too. Or he has another mobile phone you don’t know about that he uses all night long. There will be an underlying reason.

RoseslnTheHospital · 08/03/2023 16:41

I would suggest going to bed at least and hour earlier, and looking at his pre-bed routine - no screens right before bed, is the temperature of his room cool enough etc. He could try taking a shower about an hour before going to bed too, which can help some people settle to sleep and sleep better.

JFDIYOLO · 08/03/2023 16:51

Are you sure it isn't anabolic steroids?

www.nhs.uk/conditions/anabolic-steroid-misuse/

Original poster
BlastedPimples · 08/03/2023 16:55

Nothing showed up in blood tests re steroids. He's got no money to buy that sort of thing.

So earlier to bed is the answer although I'd have thought 7 hours sleep plenty.

OP posts:
Waterfallgirl · 08/03/2023 16:59

7 hours sleep was nowhere near plenty for mine at that age - so it may be that - here is just one article citing 8-10 hrs www.sleepfoundation.org/teens-and-sleep

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