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Original poster

How do you find out where a funeral is being held?

63 replies

BrassCandlestick · 04/03/2023 20:57

This is on behalf of my stepdaughter, whose beloved step-grandad passed recently.
In the last couple of years, after he was widowed, he had formed a new relationship, and his new partner didn't consider her to be his family even though he brought her up and was very close to her. He was the only male parent/grandparent in her life.

She's a very kind and thoughtful girl and she's knocked sideways by his passing.
She'd love to attend his funeral to pay her respects and say goodbye.

She knows where he was living when he died - are funerals advertised anywhere these days? It used to as simple as checking the classifieds in the local papers.

Grateful for any tips.

OP posts:
Kedece2410 · 04/03/2023 20:59

Might seem a bit obvious but has she tried Googling his details for an obituary. Funeral details are very often online

gogohmm · 04/03/2023 21:00

There is no legal requirement to advertise where funerals are being held, but they are public.

IWanderedLonely · 04/03/2023 21:01

Local undertakers often have their current funeral details on their websites. Or just ring around local undertakers, they get lots of enquiries.

Redglitter · 04/03/2023 21:03

If she checks the local undertakers webpages they usually have upcoming funerals listed

CherrySocks · 04/03/2023 21:10

Aren't there any other relatives she can ask? Has she asked the partner?

bloodywhitecat · 04/03/2023 21:13

Have you checked the local crematoriums websites? They often post the upcoming week's funerals.

Original poster
BrassCandlestick · 04/03/2023 21:13

CherrySocks · 04/03/2023 21:10

Aren't there any other relatives she can ask? Has she asked the partner?

The partner has not invited her and she's too shy to ask.

OP posts:
Original poster
BrassCandlestick · 04/03/2023 21:15

bloodywhitecat · 04/03/2023 21:13

Have you checked the local crematoriums websites? They often post the upcoming week's funerals.

Really? The ones I've looked on don't show any listings like that

OP posts:
LIZS · 04/03/2023 21:17

Funeral directors websites, local church newsletters, crematorium pages? Unfortunately they are not always well advertised.

CherrySocks · 04/03/2023 21:18

BrassCandlestick · 04/03/2023 21:13

The partner has not invited her and she's too shy to ask.

Show quote history

You don't normally get invited. The usual approach is to ask.
Can you ask for her?
"DSD would like to attend the funeral to pay her respects. Please could we have the details."
(Also ask about the funeral director if she is going to send a floral tribute.)

UsingChangeofName · 04/03/2023 21:23

What @CherrySocks said.

People aren't invited to funerals.
I don't understand why she can't just ask. If not the partner, then an Aunt or cousin.

Kedece2410 · 04/03/2023 21:27

The partner has not invited her and she's too shy to ask

I thought from your OP they were refusing to tell her. You don't get invited to funerals. You just go.

If she won't ask can you not ask on her behalf? Seems daft trying to track it down when all you need to do is ask

Tempone · 04/03/2023 21:28

I ireland we have RIP.ie for this very reason.
Check at the local undertakers.

Ipadannie · 04/03/2023 21:31

Here our local undertakers have Facebook pages that have deaths and funeral details

Original poster
BrassCandlestick · 04/03/2023 22:59

Kedece2410 · 04/03/2023 21:27

The partner has not invited her and she's too shy to ask

I thought from your OP they were refusing to tell her. You don't get invited to funerals. You just go.

If she won't ask can you not ask on her behalf? Seems daft trying to track it down when all you need to do is ask

Unfortunately I have no contact details for that part of the family, the Grandad's partner would have no idea I exist.

OP posts:
Original poster
BrassCandlestick · 04/03/2023 22:59

CherrySocks · 04/03/2023 21:18

You don't normally get invited. The usual approach is to ask.
Can you ask for her?
"DSD would like to attend the funeral to pay her respects. Please could we have the details."
(Also ask about the funeral director if she is going to send a floral tribute.)

Show quote history

I have no contact details for them

OP posts:
Original poster
BrassCandlestick · 04/03/2023 23:00

Tempone · 04/03/2023 21:28

I ireland we have RIP.ie for this very reason.
Check at the local undertakers.

Exactly - 'this very reason' must crop up a lot. Unfortunately we're not in Ireland

OP posts:
Original poster
BrassCandlestick · 04/03/2023 23:03

UsingChangeofName · 04/03/2023 21:23

What @CherrySocks said.

People aren't invited to funerals.
I don't understand why she can't just ask. If not the partner, then an Aunt or cousin.

I have tried to be clear that she can't/won't ask. It's out of her capabilties to do so.
I was only asking if there's another way to find out. It appears that if we were in Ireland this situation would be recognised as common, and catered for.

OP posts:
MarshaMelrose · 04/03/2023 23:03

Could you google his obit in case it was put in the paper?
Commonest place is the crematorium. I'd ring there first and enquire if he's being cremated there. They might have more details if a service was held somewhere first.

LumpyandBumps · 04/03/2023 23:26

Will your stepdaughter be OK at the funeral if you manage to find out where it is being held?

If she doesn’t want to ask for details from the person organising the funeral will she not find it hard to turn up unexpectedly?

I take the point that most funerals are public, but it could be quite stressful.

I have also attended a private funeral, which was not publicised anywhere, even the name on the crematorium board was left blank, and the funeral directors had a list of people they were authorised to admit.

Original poster
BrassCandlestick · 04/03/2023 23:35

LumpyandBumps · 04/03/2023 23:26

Will your stepdaughter be OK at the funeral if you manage to find out where it is being held?

If she doesn’t want to ask for details from the person organising the funeral will she not find it hard to turn up unexpectedly?

I take the point that most funerals are public, but it could be quite stressful.

I have also attended a private funeral, which was not publicised anywhere, even the name on the crematorium board was left blank, and the funeral directors had a list of people they were authorised to admit.

I've offered to go with her if she would like me too. I met him a few times, lovely man.

OP posts:
HyacinthineMacaw · 04/03/2023 23:39

Have you simply tried googling his name plus town plus funeral?

EmmaEmerald · 04/03/2023 23:39

Oddly enough, mum had a friend pass on recently and she was shocked to hear the funeral as "invite only" so to speak. She was asking me how that would work...If you think this might be the same, then I'd not go.

sugarspices · 04/03/2023 23:42

This happened to my family when our uncle married on his deathbed and the woman was very unkind, didn't let us know he had died and wouldn't share details of the funeral.

I basically googled crematoriums & woodland burials in the area and called round and asked if they were holding the funeral for him. Eventually one said yes and told me the date and time. Hope you're able to do something similar!

JamBiscuitBun · 04/03/2023 23:45

I've never heard of a funeral that wasn't by invite only. They're all by invite.