Why do men think you want to be hit on at the gym?

Talkingtomyhouseplants · 2023-03-03T08:03:56+00:00

I am a regular gym goer (3-5 times per week). Twice in the last week I have been hit on by men in the weights section. Yesterday a man interrupted me MID SET to take out my headphones to compliment me on how good I looked and ask what I was training for. Apparently the answer “my upcoming wedding” was not enough to deter him and he continued to try to make conversation with me. This is not the first time this has happened but twice in the last week as really pissed me off. Do men actually think this is a good way to meet women? Sorry just a rant really!

Dredel · 03/03/2023 08:05

I'd be horrified and tell him to piss off.

soboredoflooking · 03/03/2023 08:09

My gym has a women's area only that's why I go in there.

I think some women also think it's a gd way to meet men. Although I'd say u can spot those ones a mile as hair and makeup all overly done and not exactly doing any intense exercise lol most of the time chatting!

FakeBilly · 03/03/2023 08:10

I think it’s a lack of theory of mind. I mean, the type of man who thinks that women strangers on the street ‘owe’ them a decorative smile just by virtue of happening to walk past them is presumably likely to think that a woman minding her own business on the weights is totally up for an approach, rather than preoccupied and likely to be irritated by an emotional nterruption.

Aphrathestorm · 03/03/2023 08:12

He actually touched you to take out your headphones??

I'd have hit him. What he did is assault.

Report him to the gym management.

FeinCuroxiVooz · 03/03/2023 08:12

Its part of the rules of misogyny.

The point of women's existence is for the benefit of men.

Therefore, whatever else she nay be doing (eg exercising at a gym, shopping, walking down the street) it must logically be a higher priority for her to be attractive to any males in her vicinity, and she will appreciate knowing what they think of her, whether positive or negative.

Women should at all times be grateful for positive male attention because that is what gives their lives value.

I honestly wonder how I managed to get to adulthood thinking that sexism was a thing of the past. it's everywhere.

HereIfYouNeedMe · 03/03/2023 08:14

FeinCuroxiVooz · 03/03/2023 08:12

Its part of the rules of misogyny.

The point of women's existence is for the benefit of men.

Therefore, whatever else she nay be doing (eg exercising at a gym, shopping, walking down the street) it must logically be a higher priority for her to be attractive to any males in her vicinity, and she will appreciate knowing what they think of her, whether positive or negative.

Women should at all times be grateful for positive male attention because that is what gives their lives value.

I honestly wonder how I managed to get to adulthood thinking that sexism was a thing of the past. it's everywhere.

Yes to this!
EVERYWHERE!

Clymene · 03/03/2023 08:25

soboredoflooking · 03/03/2023 08:09

My gym has a women's area only that's why I go in there.

I think some women also think it's a gd way to meet men. Although I'd say u can spot those ones a mile as hair and makeup all overly done and not exactly doing any intense exercise lol most of the time chatting!

So if women get harassed in the gym by men, it's women's fault?

OP please report these guys to gym management. It's harassment. And they know you don't want to talk to them. They just don't care.

Original poster

Talkingtomyhouseplants · 03/03/2023 08:32

@Clymene my fiancé said I should report them as well. It makes him quite cross that I can’t just get on with exercising in peace. I said to him I couldn’t see the point though because of the plausible deniability of “just being nice”.

“I was only asking if she needed help carrying something”
“I was only being friendly”
”I was only paying a compliment”

etc etc

OP posts:

C8H10N4O2 · 03/03/2023 08:36

Talkingtomyhouseplants · 03/03/2023 08:32

@Clymene my fiancé said I should report them as well. It makes him quite cross that I can’t just get on with exercising in peace. I said to him I couldn’t see the point though because of the plausible deniability of “just being nice”.

“I was only asking if she needed help carrying something”
“I was only being friendly”
”I was only paying a compliment”

etc etc

You won't be the only one, don't fall into the trap of justifying his behaviour or feeling you have to justify telling him to fuck off by saying "another man has first dibs".

Complain that he interrupted your session and that this kind of low grade harassment made the visit an unpleasant experience on their premises.

Ask them if they plan to introduce women only sessions so that women who want to enjoy an exercise session can do so without low grade harassment when they visit. Alternatively will they undertake to remind male members both generally and this one specifically that women are there to exercise, its not a night club, unsolicited advances are not appropriate.

Another d

Zola1 · 03/03/2023 08:39

Hate hate hate this about the gym. Makes me so paranoid and edgy when I see men hovering while I'm trying to train. I was having this conversation with a friend who is a member of David Lloyd and she was saying she has far less problems there.. so I think I'm going to join a more expensive gym to see if it helps

CherryBlossom321 · 03/03/2023 08:43

I would definitely report this to management.

C8H10N4O2 · 03/03/2023 08:44

Zola1 · 03/03/2023 08:39

Hate hate hate this about the gym. Makes me so paranoid and edgy when I see men hovering while I'm trying to train. I was having this conversation with a friend who is a member of David Lloyd and she was saying she has far less problems there.. so I think I'm going to join a more expensive gym to see if it helps

The only thing which will change this is £££. If women actively choose gyms where they can simply get on with exercising in peace and tell their current gyms why they are leaving something might change.

In the mean time all women can do is to vote with our money and tell them why.

CherryBlossom321 · 03/03/2023 08:44

Also, “I’m not here to socialise, I’d like to work out in peace.” and earphones straight back in, in future.

bonjello · 03/03/2023 08:44

Because men

MyLittlePonyWellies · 03/03/2023 08:45

I hate this and it happens all the time. I'm not even that attractive 😂 and I've had it too. Even if nobody approaches you, it's the staring which creeps me out.

Gyms bring out the worst in some guys. I think it's all the posing about and competitiveness which comes with the mirrors and weights etc.

I've overheard some extremely dodgy chat between men at gyms. "Locker room chat" = things they know are pretty disgusting and would never say anywhere else.

This is why they have had to make women only gyms and I would love to go to one.

ShiverOfSharks · 03/03/2023 08:46

They don't think about what you want at all. All they think about is what they want.

Dredel · 03/03/2023 08:46

I had this when I went swimming after work. It was gross. He followed me and waited at the end of the pool for me to stop swimming then tried to chat me up. He got nasty when I bluntly said I wasnt interested in talkkng to him. The management couldn't have cared less.

summerinthebigcity · 03/03/2023 08:49

He took out your headphones?? I’d be v upset.

ArianahX · 03/03/2023 08:49

Never happens to me. Sometimes wish it did!

Original poster

Talkingtomyhouseplants · 03/03/2023 08:51

@CherryBlossom321 are you actually brave enough to say that? I would love to but I’m worried about the confrontation

OP posts:

Tekkentime · 03/03/2023 09:05

They don't think you want to be hit on, they don't care.

They see or hear that other men do it and think that it's acceptable, a part of going to the gym.

ganvough · 03/03/2023 09:06

You shouldn't worry about confrontation - it's a public place with staff and you'll definitely be backed up by them. Also if you're always too afraid to defend/protect yourself or stand up to yourself (because not liking confrontation), it's accepting men have more power than you which they don't (not in this setting anyway). Telling someone you're not interested in socialising or talking is a good response and if they're not backing away, I would call an employee over. You can't change people's behaviour but you can change your own response to one that allows your voice to be heard.

I have told disruptive men I don't want to talk, turned my back on them with no response or my favourite is staring silently at them holding eye contact with no response (like a psycho) until they get weirded out and leave me alone.

SherbertDabs · 03/03/2023 09:09

They don't care unfortunately. Public transport, the street, supermarkets, the gym - a lot will feel completely justified in getting your attention and will feel slighted if you're not flattered.

DinosWillGetYou · 03/03/2023 09:09

A lot of gyms have a zero tolerance policy to stuff like this, definitely report.

PoshCoffee · 03/03/2023 09:20

As a middle aged women in the gym I experience sexism in different ways. I’m completely invisible to any man younger than me in the free weight area. They’ll get in my way, move into my personal space when I’m training, block my access. One twat thinks he’s on a live reel and drops the Olympic bar onto the floor from a great height like he’s just completed a world breaking lift. I’ve asked him politely to stop or use the cushions but he ignored me. So the male staff asked him. He stops. Twat.
Some of the teenagers just stand right next to me chatting to each other when I’m on the bench.
They do not do this to any of the men and it pisses me right off .
But going back to the OP, complain! He shouldn’t be touching you. He’s a twat too!