I don’t know how bidets work!

[MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot]

I am over half a century old and I genuinely don’t know what the procedure for using a bidet is. We were on holiday last week and there was a separate room with a loo and a bidet in it. The toilet had loo roll on the left and then the bidet on the right. The other side of the bidet held a small hand towel on a hook and bizarrely, a phone.

Do you go to the loo, wipe or no wipe? Then shuffle six feet with your clothes round your ankles to the bidet. Then do you hover or sit? Do you dry yourself on the hand towel afterwards? If so is everyone using the same towel?! Because I wash my make up off with a mild scrub and there is occasionally a small residue of mascara/foundation on the towel when I dry afterwards, if you catch my drift, and I don’t share a face towel! I would certainly not want to share that towel!

An electric loo I used in Japan had very confusing buttons and I pressed the ‘rinse’ button by mistake and the jet hit the ceiling, are they all pretty powerful? If so isn’t it a faff sitting/squatting and having to operate the taps behind you? Or should I be facing the taps?

Is the procedure the same for no. 1’s and 2’s?

so many questions?..sorry for being dim

No. Why would it? It's not like a shower. At least ours isn't. It's just a tap on a low toilet style bowl. Plus, it's just like having a wash but in a more comfortable position. Sit on bowl, wet flannel in water, wash.
(Obviously I'm talking about a normal European style bidet, I don't know about Asian or any other different types.

I love them and can't work out why our houses aren't built with them in.

Use the loo as normal, wipe if it's needed.

Fill the bidet with warm water, get up from the loo and sit on it facing the tap. Wash, dry with your own small towel. Drain bidet and wash around like the sink to clean.

Saves a fortune on toilet paper and helps reduce carbon footprint. You are really clean after every time using the loo.

Why don't British people love this?

So the answer is, there is no right or wrong way to use a bidet by the sounds of it?

I don’t see how it reduces your carbon footprint if you may have to wipe anyway, fill a bowl with warm water you have had to heat, use a flannel to wash, a bum towel to dry (both of which I presume need regular laundering) or a dryer to dry. Then you have to clean out the bidet, presumably with more water/cleaning products, so not environmentally sound at all? I can hear voices all over the land, energy prices shooting up, no-one use the bidet, we can’t afford it! I’m being lighthearted of course, although it also seems quite time consuming.

I do take the pp point though that if you had poo on any other part of your body you wouldn’t be happy just rubbing at it with a bit of loo roll so I’m off to instruct DH that we need a bidet after all.

Thanks all, I feel like I was moving further away from the answer at times but it seems there is no right or wrong, even if you are just washing your feet, or storing cans of Coke in it!

But if they’re made to be sat on, why don’t they have a more forgiving, wider ledge? 🤔

We had one on holiday and it was perfect for getting all the sand off your feet before you spread it through the hotel suite.

Agreed. Why the cold, narrow rim and not a seat? This is why I think the bum hose is a better system - remain seated on the comparatively comfortable toilet.

I think you can face the taps too. It depends what works for you. Some have a nozzle you can direct.

We use flannels to dry. Get washed daily. Always wash your hands afterwards too.

Yes - why don't they have a proper seat?

and

does the tap usually point up or down or is it posable?

and

how do you put your legs around it (to face tap and see what you're doing) if your knickers and/or trousers are round your ankles?

(the only time i used one was to be sick in in Italy)
(i was sick in it because it was the closest thing and i'd run out of time)

I've read this whole thread and i'm still confused!

They usually have a direction able nozzle. You sit with your back to the taps

Well, we had one installed recently. If you are female, facing the tap nozzle is the better option.

@inloveandmarried

Again, I have to ask, why does my parents French house have a bathroom with a bidet and the toilet in a separate room? How does that work?

Also still confused.

Can't say I suffer from skid marks at all but, if you don't like dry wiping, surely a biodegradable wet toilet tissue is far quicker and less impact on the environment?

Years ago, my husband stayed in a French hotel where there was a bidet in the corridor in front of a window. Now, that’s weird!

Me too. How is it better for your carbon footprint if you wipe at the loo stage, then use a towel which has to be washed after one use. How many people in your household using how many towels per day? I wouldn't trust poo towels anywhere outside of my own house.
AND would it not be really difficult to avoid getting water running down your legs and onto your clothes?
AND I don't understand how it's more convenient. If you sit with your back to the water jet, is there not a higher risk of getting poo near your urethra thus increasing risk of UTIs though I suppose if that were the case it'd be well known?
Seems like a massive faff to me, and totally unnecessary.

*hygienic, not convenient

We don't use poo towels, just dry with toilet paper. I don't really understand why people think you would get water running down your legs?! What on earth are you doing to get it running down your legs?

How do you sit facing the tap if you are wearing tights? Or trousers? Or knickers come to that.

Does the toilet paper not stick to your arse or start to disintegrate?

I've never used one in my entire life. I'm attempting to understand how they work. Is it not a jet of water or running water? It seems potentially awkward and messy.

I would like a bidet but only if I was the only person who used it and I certainly wouldn't be washing my hands in it- that's disgusting. We had a hotel room recently that had a bidet and I scalded my bum on it!

Ours is a mixer tap with a directionable nozzle that points downwards but the bidet is the same size as a toilet seat so there's no room for water to escape out the side and it's generally running down into the plug. You sit with your back to the taps so the flow of water runs down between your butt cheeks.

www.wikihow.com/Use-a-Bidet?amp=1

🤣🤣🤣