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Original poster

I don’t know how bidets work!

124 replies

MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot · 02/03/2023 20:02

I am over half a century old and I genuinely don’t know what the procedure for using a bidet is. We were on holiday last week and there was a separate room with a loo and a bidet in it. The toilet had loo roll on the left and then the bidet on the right. The other side of the bidet held a small hand towel on a hook and bizarrely, a phone.

Do you go to the loo, wipe or no wipe? Then shuffle six feet with your clothes round your ankles to the bidet. Then do you hover or sit? Do you dry yourself on the hand towel afterwards? If so is everyone using the same towel?! Because I wash my make up off with a mild scrub and there is occasionally a small residue of mascara/foundation on the towel when I dry afterwards, if you catch my drift, and I don’t share a face towel! I would certainly not want to share that towel!

An electric loo I used in Japan had very confusing buttons and I pressed the ‘rinse’ button by mistake and the jet hit the ceiling, are they all pretty powerful? If so isn’t it a faff sitting/squatting and having to operate the taps behind you? Or should I be facing the taps?

Is the procedure the same for no. 1’s and 2’s?

so many questions?..sorry for being dim

OP posts:
MajesticWhine · 03/03/2023 00:13

I don't have one but I love them. Last used one in a hotel in Fuerteventura. Lovely to have a clean bum after a poo. Endless wiping otherwise.

MajesticWhine · 03/03/2023 00:17

Re your other question @MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot, you only need one hand really, so the other one is ok for opening the door. It's rarely so messy you would be covered in blood (from what I can remember)

BoringLittleMe · 03/03/2023 00:35

My in-laws have a bidet in their downstairs loo that they put in about 15 years ago. I just assumed they never used it and were talked into it by the builder. However, two weeks ago we were there and there were 3 towels on the rail (they've the kind of house that always has cloths and towels hanging about) so I dried my hands on a pink one but later my MIL said to use the white towel as the pink one wasn't for guests, and now I'm wondering what she may have meant! 😱🤣😱

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Home improvement
ComeTheFckOnBridget · 03/03/2023 00:39

I just find the idea of everyone using the same bidet tap/hose/squirt thing gross. I'm quite anal about bathroom cleanliness and I feel this falls into the same category as towels and toothbrushes...everyone should have their own.

ComeTheFckOnBridget · 03/03/2023 00:42

2bazookas · 02/03/2023 22:52

I wipe bum with TP while on the toilet, lean over turn on bidet taps, sit on bidet, wash bum under warm waterflow, then dry my spotless bot with my personal bot towel.

I love my bidet; only wish I'd had one when I still menstruated.

If you all wash your bums in the shower, I bet you don't change the shower towel every time.. even though you dried your bot.

No one else uses my shower towel !

Original poster
MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot · 03/03/2023 00:46

BoringLittleMe · 03/03/2023 00:35

My in-laws have a bidet in their downstairs loo that they put in about 15 years ago. I just assumed they never used it and were talked into it by the builder. However, two weeks ago we were there and there were 3 towels on the rail (they've the kind of house that always has cloths and towels hanging about) so I dried my hands on a pink one but later my MIL said to use the white towel as the pink one wasn't for guests, and now I'm wondering what she may have meant! 😱🤣😱

OMG the horror!! you’ll be wiping your hands on your jeans from now on just in case!

OP posts:
Nat6999 · 03/03/2023 00:51

I have a combined toilet & bidet, I can use the pressure washer after using the toilet if I want (I pressed it by accident after moving in & shot up 6 feet after getting an icy blast up the bum) it washes & dries.

SammyScrounge · 03/03/2023 02:06

jizzlord · 02/03/2023 20:22

We use ours for washing feet or soaking clothes pre wash.

My Dad thought it was for keeping cans of Coke cool.

Forever42 · 03/03/2023 02:43

My first thoughts are that it's just another thing in the bathroom to have to clean.

bellabed · 03/03/2023 03:14

So In countries where bidets are popular, do kids use them at school ? I like this thread because it's actually something I have never understood. But must have been popular in uk enough to fit them in bathrooms but not sure why?

Chocchops72 · 03/03/2023 05:45

Hmm this is enlightening but I’m still confused.

My parents have a holiday house in France. As is quite normal there, the bathroom is in a separate room from the toilet. But the bathroom does have a bidet in it 🤷‍♀️. Surely you aren’t meant to shuffle from one room to the other?

Maybe in France bidets are primarily for post-sex clean ups? And not post- toileting?

Chocchops72 · 03/03/2023 05:45

No bidets in kids school toilet here, France.

Emptycrackedcup · 03/03/2023 05:55

I've never used one, I saw a comedian who asked if you got shit on your arm, would you be happy to just wipe it off with a dry piece of toilet paper. I thought he made a very good point. Some western "improvements" are actually quite backward

Catoneverychair · 03/03/2023 06:20

It seems like a very bad idea for me to let the water go from the bun towards your vag. Just an infection waiting to happen. Plus you either squat-hold or you sit on that cold, thin porcelain and none of those are very comfortable options.

So1invictus · 03/03/2023 06:23

Catoneverychair · 03/03/2023 06:20

It seems like a very bad idea for me to let the water go from the bun towards your vag. Just an infection waiting to happen. Plus you either squat-hold or you sit on that cold, thin porcelain and none of those are very comfortable options.

That's why you sit like you would on the loo.

bonjello · 03/03/2023 06:25

BoringLittleMe · 03/03/2023 00:35

My in-laws have a bidet in their downstairs loo that they put in about 15 years ago. I just assumed they never used it and were talked into it by the builder. However, two weeks ago we were there and there were 3 towels on the rail (they've the kind of house that always has cloths and towels hanging about) so I dried my hands on a pink one but later my MIL said to use the white towel as the pink one wasn't for guests, and now I'm wondering what she may have meant! 😱🤣😱

ewwww you used the bum towel

Wallywobbles · 03/03/2023 06:34

Ours was amazing for poo explosions when the kids were small.

OrangeBlossomsinthesun · 03/03/2023 06:50

stonedaisy · 02/03/2023 21:11

I dont wipe the loo down between husband and child no but equally I dont sit there marinating my arse cheeks in the toilet bowl do I

Neither do I! You don't actually fill it with water and dip your arse in, like a bath you know. The only bit of you that touches the bidet is the same amount that touches a toilet seat.

OrangeBlossomsinthesun · 03/03/2023 06:53

BrutusMcDogface · 02/03/2023 22:58

something I’ve always wondered about the bum hoses; doesn’t water run everywhere when you use them? All over your legs/knickers and trousers? 🤔

I’ve travelled to places with them and haven’t touched them with a barge pole (public toilets). You don’t know what’s all over them 🤢

No because you are sitting on the toilet when you use it.

BrutusMcDogface · 03/03/2023 07:04

I know you are, but I reckon I’d still end up soaking wet!

Catoneverychair · 03/03/2023 08:03

@So1invictus But the water comes from the back and will just spray it all to the front, no?

catfunk · 03/03/2023 08:29

I couldn't shower for a while after surgery and I bought. Squeeze plant watering bottle from Amazon to wash my genitals over the loo, it was really useful. Could be a good alternative to the bidet!

liverpoolgal82 · 03/03/2023 08:36

In the loft bathroom we have a Japanese bidet and toilet combined. So you press your wash buttons afterwards then it has warm air to dry you afterwards. The flush is slow though and you’re not meant to put much loo roll down so I’m glad we have a normal loo in main bathroom too. But it dies really clean you - the jets are good.

aurynne · 03/03/2023 08:47

ComeTheFckOnBridget · 03/03/2023 00:39

I just find the idea of everyone using the same bidet tap/hose/squirt thing gross. I'm quite anal about bathroom cleanliness and I feel this falls into the same category as towels and toothbrushes...everyone should have their own.

"I'm quite anal about bathroom cleanlines" 😆

CornedBeef451 · 03/03/2023 08:52

We have one as it was here when we moved in.

I've only used it once and managed to burn my bum on the suddenly boiling tap and then soak myself and the bathroom floor.

I'd like to get it removed for my own safety as I will be tempted by it again but possibly not until my next smear test.