I don’t know how bidets work!

[MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot]

I am over half a century old and I genuinely don’t know what the procedure for using a bidet is. We were on holiday last week and there was a separate room with a loo and a bidet in it. The toilet had loo roll on the left and then the bidet on the right. The other side of the bidet held a small hand towel on a hook and bizarrely, a phone.

Do you go to the loo, wipe or no wipe? Then shuffle six feet with your clothes round your ankles to the bidet. Then do you hover or sit? Do you dry yourself on the hand towel afterwards? If so is everyone using the same towel?! Because I wash my make up off with a mild scrub and there is occasionally a small residue of mascara/foundation on the towel when I dry afterwards, if you catch my drift, and I don’t share a face towel! I would certainly not want to share that towel!

An electric loo I used in Japan had very confusing buttons and I pressed the ‘rinse’ button by mistake and the jet hit the ceiling, are they all pretty powerful? If so isn’t it a faff sitting/squatting and having to operate the taps behind you? Or should I be facing the taps?

Is the procedure the same for no. 1’s and 2’s?

so many questions?..sorry for being dim

I can almost hear the sigh of relief with this one (and picture the steam rising from your bits!)

I'm still interested in bidets though

I was coming on to praise the mini bum shower you get in the Middle East and parts of Asia. They're so much more convenient than a separate bidet, although it does seem a bit grim to use this in a public toilet - you don't know how close the person ahead of you went.

Once got caught out in a Filippino public toilet with no paper (standard, you could buy some from a vending machine if you had time to think about it on the way in 😳), but that had the wee bum hose. Used that, cleaned things nicely, had to dry off using a face mask that I binned on the way out 😁

I’ve used one on holiday but was scared to touch the bidet towel 👀

I don’t believe its a hand drying towel. My hotel room for two had a sink with two hand towels next to it, then the toilet then the bidet then in a shelf by the bidet a stack of three very thin linen-type towels that were clearly something to do with bum-washing. I assume they are for drying your bum but if so why was there nowhere to discard the towel once you’ve used it, seems very gross to put it back on the shelf?! Surely gitel didn’t want the bum towek in the floor? And if they’re single use towels then get washed why were there only three bum-towels for a double room, surely most couples achieve more than three poos a day?

Anyway dunno what it’s all about but thought it was fab for when on period.

Nah that's gross. You wouldn't wash your hands in the loo. It must be a communal bum rowel

surely most couples achieve more than three poos a day? really?!

Yeah I love the Middle East bum hoses

You do have to be careful with this travel thing tho. In an Italian water park they had squat-toilets with hoses and I thought brilliant, they have bum-cleaning hoses, not seen those outside the Middle East before!

Turns out they were for cleaning the loo area and not for human use. Let’s just say the jet was extremely powerful.

This thread has got me literally bursting out laughing 🤣

Ouch

I think the poster meant between them

More than 3 poos a day per couple?

toilet roll...?

I grew up in a country big on bidets. I really missed having one until I got one of these -

Portable bidet

Really recommend it - it sits on a hook next to the sink and comes out whenever I need it.

its not the loo though is it , really - its a basin.

unless you're smooshing your hands in any dirty water, there's not really any difference is there? its the same as those toilets that have basins om the top of the cistern?

maybe some people do use it to dry their nether regions though

presumably families would use once and wash?

I wish I was rich enough to have a bidet. I'd have a stack of lovely soft bum towels next to it, smaller than a hand towel but slightly bigger than a flannel. Then a small wicker basket to drop used bum towels in. I'd arrange my toilet like an obstacle course with the toilet as the start, moving on to the bidet, then finishing at the sink for hand washing. This would avoid confusion for guests and prevent them wiping their arse on the hand towel or drying their hands with a skidmarked bum towel. I may have spent far too much time planning this.

Yeah I know! I think that's excessive though

Nah it's gross. You wouldn't use the sink as a bum wash.

If I attempted that, my fanny would look like the Jubilee celebrations with rows of paper bunting hanging everywhere.

Must be really expensive luxury loo roll

On that house renovation show in Sicily recently with Amanda Holden and Alan Carr, they bought a bidet and the shop seller showed them you use it facing the taps, not the other way.

I have contamination OCD specifically about toilets / poo and so this thread has broken my mind.

I mean the additional contamination 'opportunities' that the shuffle, bidet and bum towel present <dons latex gloves>

Grim

How would facing the taps clean your bum?

We have one (live abroad) and I’ve never used it or known how to use it 🤷🏻‍♀️😅