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American middle class kids & their numerous extracurriculars!

116 replies

Leopardprintonsie · 01/03/2023 11:15

In the UK we talk about over scheduling kids & effect on mental health etc.. My US relatives (East Coast based Connecticut & New York) kids are in numerous activities to make them "well rounded"..
Lacrosse, field hockey (girls), rowing, basketball, athletics, dance on top of two instruments at the bare minimum. Apparently this is the norm in middle class families where the aim is a top college. All this on top of high grades. The cost alone is staggering. Any U. S mumsnetters want to give an insight?

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 07/03/2023 15:09

Leopardprintonsie · 07/03/2023 14:16

@3littlebeans it sounds fantastic to me too, one of my dc loves writing & photography, she would love to be involved in a school newpaper & year book.

It depends.

In elementary school and middle school, band might be scheduled in the school day.

In the local high school, band is an after school activity and centers around the football season (a Fall sport) though the band participates in band competitions throughout the school year and marches in the Fourth of July parade (whoever is in town shows up) and Memorial Day parade.

Orchestra is more of a middle and high school thing where I live. Music performance is scheduled in the school day - local high school students lose their study hall to fit it in.

The actual orchestra practices after school and obv a great deal of practice happens in the run up to seasonal concerts. The orchestra also plays for the musical each semester.

Choirs, glee, dance, orchestra, string quartets, and jazz ensemble, etc. are also after school activities. Individual jazz musicians do music performance in the school day.

Cheerleading is after school, and also centered around the football season, with the competition season in spring.

Participation in school publications is an actual class in my local high school, in the English/ Language arts department.

mathanxiety · 07/03/2023 15:10

3littlebeans I somehow lost your quote there.

knitnerd90 · 07/03/2023 15:16

3littlebeans · 07/03/2023 14:05

I'm curious about the "dropping below a C" thing.

Are classes designed that every child could get a C if they turn up/put the time in?

I kind of think the UK exam based system fails the 40% or so that can't get Cs by design.

Yes, the US system is designed so that if you do the work, you can pass. There's no cap on that. A C in the US is passing and required to graduate high school.

ppure · 07/03/2023 15:24

In the UK I did a lot of extra curricular activities and it is not considered child abuse, where did you get that idea? It was typical to do an after school activity/sport most days and then learn musical instruments, languages etc.
Now we are in the USA it is not really much different, aside from some different sports options.
I think putting kids in a nursery from 7.30-6.30 is much more traumatising! In the UK I was so shocked that one of my neighbours put her baby in.

mathanxiety · 07/03/2023 15:28

3littlebeans · 07/03/2023 14:05

I'm curious about the "dropping below a C" thing.

Are classes designed that every child could get a C if they turn up/put the time in?

I kind of think the UK exam based system fails the 40% or so that can't get Cs by design.

Usually, the marking system is divided between participation in class, weekly exams, end of semester exams, and homework, which has to be both accurate and turned in on time.

The GPA system means your final grade in any class will be the average of all the components of the grade. If your homework is rarely handed in, you'll miss those marks and you'll probably fail the course. If it's late, your grade is automatically lowered. You will not get an A for work that's A standard if you hand it in late.

Before the semester exams, most teachers will send an email detailing the grade a student needs to aim for in order to maximise their course grade. A few weeks before that, failure warnings will have been sent home if the student is hovering on the brink of failing the class. For students who are in a sport, weekly grades are sent to the Athletics Office, which coordinates the athletic study halls for students who are temporarily suspended from the sport until their average rises.

You don't have to wait until the end of the semester to find out how you're doing in any given class.

Most high schools above a certain size have multiple levels of classes in core courses, with each class forming part of a track. Students are usually on a track where they will have to challenge themselves, but not at a level where they are completely in at the deep end. Education can be very individualised. Students from all four years can find themselves in the same classroom, depending on the stage of their particular track, especially in art-related courses, but also in language classes, mathematics, sciences, English, history..

3littlebeans · 07/03/2023 15:43

I really like that math anxiety. Here there are students who constantly get "below expected" (compared to average - a gov reporting thing for primary) or predicted "fail" grades in their subjects at secondary as there's a national standard that lots can't meet .

Makes far more sense for passing classes to be achievable to all in them if they turn up and do the work etc.

I teach adult ed maths (amongst other things)and still half of them will fail as the leap to the level they need to get to in a year is too high.

The UK really does push academics above all else in a way that is really destructive for those of lowering academic ability.

Theelephantinthecastle · 07/03/2023 15:59

To provide a counter point, at my nephew's school in the US, all activities take place at a more centrally located school and parents have to pick them up and drive them or their kids can't do the activities and have to just take the school bus home. My SIL has been campaigning for the school bus to drop off first to the activities but their school district says no..

Our local state secondary in London has loads of activities on site...

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 07/03/2023 18:40

Theelephantinthecastle · 07/03/2023 15:59

To provide a counter point, at my nephew's school in the US, all activities take place at a more centrally located school and parents have to pick them up and drive them or their kids can't do the activities and have to just take the school bus home. My SIL has been campaigning for the school bus to drop off first to the activities but their school district says no..

Our local state secondary in London has loads of activities on site...

I'm in small town New England so we don't have tons of activities at our centrally-located schools - things are more spread out. We do have some bus services (eg swim team to the YMCA, ski team to the mountain) but some activities do involve students having to be driven to different locations eg the big baseball field.

Parents were all very helpful with driving each other's children around, and a lot of high schoolers drive themselves once they're 16. I wouldn't say my kids missed out on doing anything they wanted even though I was a full time working parent so I couldn't drive them around.

Theelephantinthecastle · 07/03/2023 18:53

@ZZTopGuitarSolo yes there is a lot of carpooling going on but it's a pain for the parents and there simply aren't always spare seats in cars so some kids are missing out. I just wanted to counter the posts on this thread suggesting that all American schools do everything on site, it varies

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 07/03/2023 18:55

Theelephantinthecastle · 07/03/2023 18:53

@ZZTopGuitarSolo yes there is a lot of carpooling going on but it's a pain for the parents and there simply aren't always spare seats in cars so some kids are missing out. I just wanted to counter the posts on this thread suggesting that all American schools do everything on site, it varies

Oh yes - I actually think on every thread about the US the statement 'it varies' should precede every post :-)

Deanandthellhounds · 07/03/2023 19:04

Beldam · 01/03/2023 11:18

I’m not American but this is my experience of my relatives in California.

it seems exhausting.

having said that, the eldest has an offer at Harvard so maybe it’s worth it ?

isn't california really warm though? I could easily stay out until 8/9pm in the summer playing tennis or working on the garden and forget about dinner completely. Im very lazy in the cold (though I call it conserving heat) but I could go to 2 extra things a day in the summer and not feel it.

allfurcoatnoknickers · 07/03/2023 21:08

@Deanandthellhounds SoCal is warm, NorCal can be absolutely bloody freezing. I've got photos of me in San Francisco in July bundled up in a coat and scarf.

So like with all of America...it varies.

GulfCoastBeachGirl · 07/03/2023 21:13

allfurcoatnoknickers · 07/03/2023 21:08

@Deanandthellhounds SoCal is warm, NorCal can be absolutely bloody freezing. I've got photos of me in San Francisco in July bundled up in a coat and scarf.

So like with all of America...it varies.

I'm laughing because visiting SanFran at the end of July was one of the coldest vacations I'd ever been on! Just the mornings, really. By afternoon the mist would blow off and it would warm up, but those damp, cloudy mornings were just sad.

knitnerd90 · 07/03/2023 23:20

But at the same time - go inland just a bit and the weather changes there! some days even which side of the city matters, forget further south or the East Bay.

the coastal areas are mild and damp, generally, and it can get quite chilly in winter. If you don't have that marine influence there's still a winter, but it's not too long till you get to the mountains. If you're inland enough it's brutally hot in summer time and that will actually restrict outdoor activities again. Depending on location, the air quality in fire season can be a factor.

Alas it's not all coastal Southern California - which is hard to beat for year round climate.

TunnocksOrDeath · 03/04/2023 11:46

This sounds like my school in the UK in the 90s. "It will look good on your UCAS form" was practically engraved on the inside of our eyelids. Literally everyone who applies to Oxbridge or Russell Group is predicted top grades... so how do you make admissions tutors notice you? The thinking was that someone who got the required grades who also does voluntary work, and/or has hobbies, looks more impressive than someone with the same grades but no time / inclination to do much else. It's probably fairer than putting all the names in a bucket and picking out some winners.

MooseBreath · 03/04/2023 13:40

I am Canadian, so not quite the same but similar. As a teenager, I danced 20 hours per week, played piano, and worked at the little "shop" in my dance studio. This was on top of having an 80+ average at school.

I wouldn't say it was expected, but it was normal.

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