Idiotic (drunk) DH stuck in London and I'm worried.

[inigomontoyahwillcox]

My DH is an idiot.

We held a small lunchtime/afternoon party for our staff earlier today. Our business is in the south of the county, we live in the north, about 35 miles/1hr 15 mins in the car, but by train you have to get one into London, and then another train back out - about a 2 hour journey all in.

I had 3 or 4 drinks and got a lift home at about 5.30 with our friend who had joined us from our local town. DH said he wanted stay for another couple of hours and would get the train home, thought he was being a bit daft, but he wanted to spend some more time with the team (and I had to get home for DD), so fair enough.

There was sight nor sound of him for a few hours (he usually calls whenever he's on his way home from anywhere) so I tried to contact him - no luck - looked on find my friend and he was still there. I was getting a bit worried about the trains on a Sunday night so checked and he'd missed any chance of getting home tonight by train, so I assumed he was going to stay there overnight (he has family close by). Not a problem - marginally annoying, but no big deal, and certainly the safest/easiest thing to do if he was drunk.

He eventually called me back and was standing on the station platform, almost incoherently drunk (obviously coherent enough to call me - speaking and listening not so much!), I told him that he'd missed all the trains from London to our town and said "whatever you do, do not get on the train to London as you'll be stuck at the other end". I told him to get a taxi to his parents' or brother's house, but ohhhh no, the train pulled up whilst I was still on the phone to him and he got on the bloody thing! I was trying to get through to him, but he just couldn't get it, slurring about it being fine and he'd get a train from x station, even though I was repeatedly telling him there were no trains.

His phone is now dead, he is stuck in London somewhere, insanely drunk, with a very flimsy blazer on. I'd like to think he'll cut his losses and find a hotel to stay in, but he is bloody minded when he's drunk and was absolutely insisting he would find a way home somehow.

I'm worried, really worried. I'm also pissed off as I will obviously get no sleep tonight and I've got a very busy day at work tomorrow.

What a fucking idiot. Agggghhhh!

Booze has stolen many an hour of sleep ... from the sober one!

That was like my ex. He wasn’t the boss but he held a very good (and well paid) position. His drinking was like the OP’s dh but it escalated and he started to offend clients. It ended up in him getting sacked and spiralling out of control in a fug of alcoholism. My suggestion to the OP is, if his drinking is really becoming an issue and he refuses help, then seriously think about your future with him because what’s annoying now could become a nightmare in the not so far future.

My DH found me at 3am stumbling around London Bridge once 😂 I had no signal so no idea how he found me!

Do you think he’ll be receptive later in or will he get angry at you having a go at him?

Jesus this is the kind of crap I wouldn't even tolerate from my 17 year old son, never mind a husband.

He'll either clam up or be receptive. But I doubt angry.

I did this once. I wasn't as pissed as your dh, but I missed the last train back AND my phone died after bumping into an old school friend and going for a 'quick drink'. I stayed in a hotel. It was actually quite hard to find one with availability iirc.

And dh just laughed about it and neither of us took it that seriously although I would never ever do it again as it was very stressful and I felt like a nob.

This kind of thing doesn't really bother me.

Well generally if it doesn’t bother you then that’s fine but OP is worrying about her DH who’s got to try to find his way home, very drunk and not dressed well for the freezing weather.

I’ve heard horror stories (including an ex who fell down train station steps) when people are really drunk - both involved fatal accidents (not cars) so that would be enough for me to worry.

Oh god used to do this A LOT when I got my first job in the city. Spent more than one night at Liverpool Street talking to the other drinks who'd missed the last train and waiting for the 5am!

😂 same!! Were we colleagues?

God, me neither unless he had an actual alcohol problem.

You have children and he is displaying alcohol issues?.

For yourself and your child, take it seriously.

If he doesn't take on board what you say and act on it, take it that he does actually have a bit of an issue and protect yourself.

Drinkers in denial only go one way, they get worse.

So many women put their head in the sand and find themselves in a bad place within a couple of years.....children being raised in an alcoholic home and the wife trying to do it all.

Take the time to lean into how you REALLY feel about his drinking and how much he does.

A one off night of stupidity is NOT what I am talking about here.

Protect yourself and listen to your gut.

He has had to wander around London in the freezing cold for hours and he has had to pay a lot of money for a taxi. If that doesn’t convince him it was a bad idea, nothing you say will. If he makes a habit of it , it really isn’t great.

I’d have just gone to bed🤷‍♀️
Fuck him he can get his own self back home.

Glad he got home safely and you aren’t too knackered from your terrible nights sleep. My DH went through a stage of this in his late twenties and is bloody lucky nothing too bad happened to him. Back in the day he:

• Once woke up on the back seat of a bus, in the pitch black, parked up in the bus depot in the middle of the night.
• Once woke up at the last tube station in South West London - he had meant to get on the opposite tube which should have gone to North East London
• Several times had to get VERY expensive taxis home after missing the last train.

Thankfully he has now passed this stage and is much more sensible now we have children! I think the best tactic to deal with it, is to not be too angry with them, as they won’t listen (especially when terribly hungover). Instead calmly explain how worried you were and how little sleep you got as a consequence and he needs to think about the consequences to other people when he does this.

A taxi from London to up North? Ouch!

This was my first thought. Not a boss I would want to work for.

Same. What a fuss over nothing. Grown man gets drunk, sobers up and gets taxi home. Big deal.

but he is bloody minded when he's drunk

How frequently does he get bloody-minded drunk, OP?

It bothers people who've lived with alcoholics. They know too much about how fast it can spiral downwards, & the impact it has on family & financial security.

My now-DH last did this when he was 35. He was absolutely mortified and shocked he had got it so wrong. We then got married, had kids and busy lives and it has never, ever happened again because quite frankly he can't face that sort of chaos and drinking with everything else he needs to do. I don't think this event on its own is a problem, so much as it happening at all. It's just not the same as drunken student antics we've realised are not really a good look as parents/employees etc. and as you are saying, it indicates quite a major alcohol problem.

Oh god. I am often the drunk people herder on days out as I don't drink, and making a drunk person see sense when travelling is IMPOSSIBLE! E.g. we are right by Victoria station, you need to turn right to go into the station - Drunk Friend declares we're going the wrong way and need to turn round and retrace our steps - I'm pointing at the station that's RIGHT THERE. It's like they go deaf to all good sense and their inner beer goblin has taken control of the joystick.

Drunken episodes can be written off.
Repeat performances (of which this is one, happening a few times every year) tend to escalate.

It IS a big deal, living with a drunk.
My drunk cost me my home, so you'll permit me to remain unimpressed by your Cool Girl act.