Does BPD really mean I'm bound to be evil?

[MotherofBingo]

I've woken up to multiple people on my Facebook - including my sister - sharing a horrific case of a woman with BPD killing her boyfriend - and apparently this was done in front of her 3 year old son too! There is obviously no excusing that at all and what she did was horrific, but alongside the post are lots of comments about people with BPD all being evil, all being crazy, to run as far as possible, shouldn't be allowed their children, only a matter of time etc.

I was diagnosed with BPD 10 years ago, I don't have anger issues, I get depressed a lot, have no idea how to interact in social situations so I can be awkward, I dont know if people actually like me or are just being nice and I have sensory issues that make me panicky and irritable if I feel like I can't escape (e.g supermarkets) but I can't imagine ever, ever doing something to purposely hurt another person - either physically or verbally!

I know BPD has really bad stigma, but am I really just a ticking time bomb? I feel like my children should be taken away from me because I'm terrified one day I'll snap and like some of the comments say you just never know when that will happen. I've looked at forums for people with BPD and I don't relate to alot of what they talk about so I don't feel like I can seek reassurance from others. It's just yet another place I don't fit in. The post was made by a psychologist who said that all people with BPD are narcissistic and I've been worried I might be a narcissist for a while now.

I've had CBT multiple times but it hasn't helped, I still feel like an alien, I've tried taking antidepressants but I struggle to remember them (I had alarms that worked for a while but the second my routine changed I forgot again). I feel like I'm hopeless now and I'm terrified I'm going to end up hurting the people I love most, but at the same time I can't imagine doing that.

No, of course not! This was just one isolated case.
And, by the way, there is no such thing as "evil"...

I can't message now, but in short NO NO NO. Do not listen to this ignorance. I have a form of BPD and we can talk when homework is underway the trauma is over
Please be kind to yourself. Have a treat. Be kind. Xx

No. This is a big problem with news reporting, it so often stigmatises already stigmatised MH conditions. I have a very close family member with BPD/ EUPD and they are like you. They don’t represent a risk to others, in fact they are a risk to themselves, if anything (which is a huge worry but that’s another post).

Psychologists aren’t experts in every aspect of psychology, behaviour and mental health. Though they should have a better grasp of ethics. Please don’t take one person’s desperation for controversial column inches as a prediction of your future.

Hi OP.

A couple of things in your post (around social situations and supermarkets) sound more like Autism. There are a lot of females misdiagnosed with BPD / EUPD and are then diagnosed with ASC.

Might be worth looking into.

Sorey to hear about the way people have been acting regarding the facebook post. Doesn't sound like those people are particularly empathetic. I don't deal well with Social Media for that reason.

(I'm a woman diagnosed with Autism just to be clear)

If I were you I'd challenge your diagnosis and treatment plan.

First, obviously I couldn't diagnose based on one MN post but what you describe sounds more like autism and women with autism are often misdiagnosed with BPD/EUPD, especially over the last decade as clinicians are under more pressure to diagnose in 1 assessment (against NICE guidelines for BPD and ASD) and under more pressure to get people off their books, and if they diagnose with BPD/EUPD that gives them a free pass to say they can't treat you. If I were you I'd do a freedom of information request and get the notes on your diagnosis including any differential diagnoses that were made at the time and how you meet the diagnostic criteria for BPD.

Secondly, I know quite a few women with (properly-diagnosed) BPD who have had DBT (not CBT), the approved treatment for BPD, and they have managed to turn their life around to the extent that they are now working as mental health nurses (I know at least three MH nurses with BPD). So recovery is possible. But it starts with getting the correct diagnosis and working with a mental health support team who care about your recovery and who can offer the right treatments.

I hope you do get the help you need but I just wanted you to know BPD doesn't make you evil/irredeemable/a ticking bomb.

The fact that you’re even worried about this shows that you’re 100% NOT a narcissist. Maybe you’ve been wrongly diagnosed or perhaps you only have some of the symptoms and this is the closest fit, but that label is only helpful if you are taking specific medication aimed at that diagnosis. If you’re not being treated for it then I’d forget the diagnosis of any particular disorder and work on the symptoms instead.

Firstly the depression - please do try again with the ADs - they’ve been an absolute life saver for so many of us. They are the foundation to everything else. When you’re depressed you lack motivation to change anything else too and it will have a knock on effect of paranoia and mistrust too, so it’s really important to treat that so that you have a clearer perspective.

I‘d never heard of BPD until I watched Crazy Ex Girlfriend tbh! I was put off by the title but even the theme song has the words “that’s a pejorative term”! I don’t think it’s on Netflix anymore but if you can find it it’s well worth a watch. She’s a brilliant character and it’s full of hilarious songs. She doesn’t get her diagnosis until the end but if you watch it with that in mind it might help you to see that someone loveable - but flawed - has that condition too and we’re all rooting for her. Obvs it’s all fiction but it’s a great show.

I hope you get some support with this. You’re a good mum to be worried about how your illness affects your children so that shows you are definitely not evil or narcissistic at all.

@RainbowZebraWarrior OMG what a X post!

The 'psychologist' here clearly isn't fit for the name. I can't imagine anyone with any professionalism writing that. The same 'psychologists' who distance diagnose celebs. Nonsense.

Diagnosed in my 20s, now in my 40s with 4 children. Managed never to murder anyone or ever have SS involvement. It is terribly stigmatised though, especially by HCPs. So I just don't tell people.

No my DM has BPD and the fact you are acknowledging you are worried about causing your child harm is not something many people with serious BPD acknowledge. DBT is the most helpful therapy.

Indeed! Great minds and all. 😊

@Logburnerperils what a silly post. People should swerve you, with that attitude.

No - and I suspect a lot of times these extreme cases get a lot of press as a result of work done by defendant's legal team. If the attacker is man then he was "charming man who got depressed, overworked", if it was a woman then she will be "loving mother with insert personality disorder or mental health illness"

In reality vast majority of thousands of people with various illnesses don't turn violent. Even people with known anger issues can be successfully monitored and treated

and there's one more thing - it's pretty much NEVER a case of someone just exploding with no prior signs. Every time case like this comes to light it become apparent that the attacker had history of violent behaviour and they didn't just snap.

Trust yourself - You know you're not violent, you know you have never shown any signs of being violent and you would never do something like this. your horrified reaction proves that this is something you instinctively consider abnormal and terrible

you and your loved ones will be ok :)

That is your opinion and fair enough but the stats don't lie and I am all for a stress / safe and drama free life.

I was also going to say this.
I'm autistic and a friend of mine initially got diagnosed with BPD and then the diagnosis was changed to autism a few years later.

@Logburnerperils literally the first result on Google from a scientific, peer reviewed journal completely refutes your assertion. I'll take actual stats over "true crime stories".

Your post was mean spirited and selfish. And inaccurate.

Your best bet for a drama free life is to avoid men. The stats don’t lie - 95% of domestic murderers are men, and the majority of violent crime is committed by men. (Yes, I’m being facetious to illustrate why you’re being ridiculous).

OP, no of course it doesn’t mean you’re dangerous. As others have said it’s highly stigmatised and any mental health professional with even a basic understanding of the disorder (or of ethics) shouldn’t be posting that on Facebook. BPD usually comes as a result of childhood trauma and abandonment, it’s nothing to do with being “evil”.

Funny that you seem to be equating true life crime documentaries with stats.

I worked with one of the people who writes and presents these. She was never going to actually do the proper job as she was terrible at it and all about what attention she could garner for herself. Some of the stories she tells, I was actually there for and they happened nothing like her over dramatic and slightly sexualised accounts. She is a perfect example of why these programmes are a load of old bollocks. They are purely aimed at exciting people who like to play armchair expert and in no way aimed at actually informing people.

OP, it absolutely doesn’t mean anything bad about you but as others have said; maybe explore the option of autism.

Your symptoms sound more towards Autism than BPD.

My Mother would probably qualify for a BPD diagnosis - she was physically harmful to her children and very cruel.

However, my three sons have Autism and they struggle with social interactions, understanding feelings, sensory issues, but are basically really lovely, kind, awesome people.

@Logburnerperils what stats? I'd really appreciate a link. Thanks.

I am sorry you suffer like this OP. It sounds very hard, and outside of your control, and not that you are "evil" at all.

I hope life gets easier for you

xx

A lot of women are misdiagnosed with BPD/EUPD when in fact they're autistic OP. Their needs haven't been met and as a result they end up with high mental health needs. I'd want another opinion and challenge your diagnosis personally.

As has already been said above. Soz didn't read thread first.

Don't make this case about you. It's an isolated incident that has absolutely NOTHING to do with you.

Forget it & go about your day.

ps Your family are jerks.