Does BPD really mean I'm bound to be evil?

[MotherofBingo]

I've woken up to multiple people on my Facebook - including my sister - sharing a horrific case of a woman with BPD killing her boyfriend - and apparently this was done in front of her 3 year old son too! There is obviously no excusing that at all and what she did was horrific, but alongside the post are lots of comments about people with BPD all being evil, all being crazy, to run as far as possible, shouldn't be allowed their children, only a matter of time etc.

I was diagnosed with BPD 10 years ago, I don't have anger issues, I get depressed a lot, have no idea how to interact in social situations so I can be awkward, I dont know if people actually like me or are just being nice and I have sensory issues that make me panicky and irritable if I feel like I can't escape (e.g supermarkets) but I can't imagine ever, ever doing something to purposely hurt another person - either physically or verbally!

I know BPD has really bad stigma, but am I really just a ticking time bomb? I feel like my children should be taken away from me because I'm terrified one day I'll snap and like some of the comments say you just never know when that will happen. I've looked at forums for people with BPD and I don't relate to alot of what they talk about so I don't feel like I can seek reassurance from others. It's just yet another place I don't fit in. The post was made by a psychologist who said that all people with BPD are narcissistic and I've been worried I might be a narcissist for a while now.

I've had CBT multiple times but it hasn't helped, I still feel like an alien, I've tried taking antidepressants but I struggle to remember them (I had alarms that worked for a while but the second my routine changed I forgot again). I feel like I'm hopeless now and I'm terrified I'm going to end up hurting the people I love most, but at the same time I can't imagine doing that.

DD has BPD and she's as far from "evil" as it gets.

Of course you’re not evil

That said, You might be inadvertently “hurting” your dc by not addressing your depression and not taking your meds.

As a single parent(?) you need supportive family and friends around you. If it’s a case of forgetting to take anti depressants then perhaps someone you trust can help you with that?

Lastly, tell your sister how devastated and upset you are that she is sending you BDP hate material on social media.

I feel like my children should be taken away from me because I'm terrified one day I'll snap and like some of the comments say you just never know when that will happen.

Do you mean you're worried that they might be taken away or are you actually saying you feel like they should be?

They're two very different things OP. Not sure if you want to clarify?

Thank you for all the kind comments, with the potential autism is that something I could bring up with my psychiatrist or would I have to go to my GP about this separately? I think my psychiatrist will be more annoyed with me about forgetting my antidepressants again. Although my mum has always been quite insistent that it's not a possibility.

I know it's not really a normal reaction to overtime like this but coupled with things my children's dad has said to me in the past I can't help but be paranoid that I might just be a horrible person and not realise it.

Two of the kindest, most gentle people I know are diagnosed with BPD.

I also work with several women who were diagnosed with BPD years ago and have since been diagnosed as autistic.

OP it is possible you have been misdiagnosed. How old were you when given this label? When people are diagnosed around age 20, it sometimes becomes an irrelevant diagnosis within 10 years. Because people can change a lot through their 20s.
In any case BPD is not usually associated with violence towards others but more usually with risk to oneself.

often women are diagnosed with BPD when it's actually autism. I know of two women personally who've lived with a BPD diagnosis for years before finally being diagnosed with ASD. Tends to be women who present differently to autistic men, who get the
BPD diagnosis.

my child was under the ‘care’ of Cahms for most of high school. I’m increasingly sceptical about the Psychiatry profession and their diagnosis. Most of it is mumbo jumbo. The assessments are little better than online personality tests.

giving vulnerable people labels and then dumping them with little to go on except the internet

@MotherofBingo your psychiatrist or GP can make a referral to the appropriate assessment team. I'd ask whoever you're seeing next to get the ball rolling. You might encounter some resistance from them to the possibility so it can be worth writing down why you think you could be autistic so you can back up what you're saying especially if you're nervous. The Neurodiverse Mumsnetters board on here is helpful and the National Autistic Society website.

Please be kind to your lovely self.

I feel like my children should be taken away. I don't think they would be - a lot of health professionals tell me I'm doing a wonderful job with them, I had a mental health nurse visiting me regularly when my youngest was born who told me that my main issue is not being able to see that I'm doing a good job rather than me being bad at parenting. I do worry that my mental health isn't good for them, I've been given different medication for my anxiety that I can take as and when needed but this obviously doesn't deal with the actual depression just the physical symptoms of the anxiety because I struggle so much with remembering to take them properly.

@Menopants makes a good point about the lack of support post-diagnosis. If you receive an autism diagnosis, there won't necessarily be appropriate support in place, it varies by NHS Trust and what they offer locally. It can be a relief when you're diagnosed but a bit of an anti climax if you're left to it to navigate yourself.

I just wanted to ask if you're sure it's BPD.

I'm autistic and spent years being misdiagnosed with depression before I was assessed for ASC.

A lot of autistic women are diagnosed with BPD due to a lack of understanding in how it presents in women.

Sorry if this has already been suggested. I only read your opening post and a lot of what you describe is very similar to me.

Find out what the the process is for diagnosing Autism is your area. Don't assume your psychiatrist will have any knowledge or autism and it's very common for women to be misdiagnosed.

As an aside people with BPD are not a risk to their children. Lots of people without mental health problems kill too. This is a one off case.

I would ask about getting reassessment for ASD but it's possible to have both. The ladies I have worked with have very traumatic pasts and that need for care/love turns into maladaptive coping mechanisms. I couldn't cope with working with the client group for a long time I started to burn out . I will say it's usually trauma and attachment issues that cause the disorder. I will always have empathy because it's bloody shit having such strong emotions.

No unfortunately those aren't available in my area, I was told I was on a list for DBT but when it came around it turned out to be CBT again and when I told them I was confused they said that was all that's available to me.

DBT. And MBT is the best treatment CBT doesn't work.

OP: Unmedicated, do you get mania or just depression?

Just depression, I've never had a manic episode

I'm not a shrink but you'd be the 1st person I met with BPD who didn't get mania at least sometimes, even on meds. Several people with BPD in my family... It can be subtle, like not sleeping & quietly producing lots of paintings and stories for 2 weeks. Without meds, typically it's a noticeable cyclical thing, eg: 3 weeks low mood, 3-10 weeks stable, 3 weeks high. Most BPD people secretly love their highs... until they get out of control. So can easily agree with others that you would be justified to revisit your diagnosis.

btw, the BPD people in my family could be 'hard work' but never dangerous.

If you’re under a psychiatrist, have they not suggested exploring an autism diagnosis? You may have both autistic traits and BPD, that’s possible.

Id suggest discussing the feelings this news story has triggered with your psychiatrist at your next appointment?

Theres no denying that BPD carries a huge stigma in society. Please be aware that most social media comments that you read are ignorant and discriminatory.
They aren’t your truth x

I never have have time to help more, but...

1. I have bi-polar 2: I get subtle highs - racing ideas, bursts of energy, sudden bursts of excitement and confidence... - but mostly long periods of depression. Could this be the case with you. And, yes, I love the highs. And, yes, you can try different meds until it helps more.

1. As PPs have raised, I have had depression/anxiety and latterly bi-polar 2 for decades. Before Xmas I finally plucked up the courage to have an attention deficit condition assessment. It was patently obvious once I investigated. I went for it bec I was told that some/many of my MH issues could be ADC (ADHD as was). Now I'm on medication I am running a bit high (so sadly might need to alter dose/brand) but it has TRANSFORMED my life. Do explore that (and/or ASC).

Good luck. I feel for you and will be thinking of you and checking in.

@MotherofBingo

Returning to your original post, there is a lot of much more informed information from scientific studies about violent crime and mental health. MH patients are more likely to commit violent crimes (this includes robbery), but it is still a v small minority.

Crucially, too, according to the American Psychological Association:

..."While perpetrating violence is relatively uncommon among those with serious mental illness, when it does occur, in many cases it is intertwined with other issues such as co-occurring substance use, adverse childhood experiences, and environmental factors, says Eric B. Elbogen, PhD, a psychologist and professor of psychiatry and behavioral science at the Duke University School of Medicine who studies violence and mental illness.
“If a person has a severe mental illness, [they] may have other risk factors for violent behavior,” he says. “So, it may not be mental illness that is driving the violence at all, but rather factors like having been abused as a child, being unemployed, or living in a high-crime neighborhood.”
It is important to learn about these issues not only to better treat these individuals and to aid their families and communities but to combat the misperception that most people with serious mental illness are violent, adds Jeffrey Swanson, PhD, a medical sociologist at the Duke University School of Medicine and a prominent researcher of the topic. For example, people often believe that people with mental illness are largely responsible for incidents of mass violence and that people with mental illness are responsible for a large share of community violence. Yet both views have been roundly debunked by research, says Swanson."

[and] "When the team compared discharged psychiatric patients without substance use disorder with people from their same neighborhoods, their rates of violence were about the same, says Paul Appelbaum, MD,"

I Googled https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=are+bi-polar+people+patients+more+likely+to+commit+violent+crimes&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-gb&client=safari

I think there’s some confusion on this thread as to op’s diagnosis. Some posters are referring to Bi polar disorder, some to Borderline Personality disorder. The two manifest very differently.