Page 3 | I wish people would take pictures of me with my dcs

theblackradiator · 2023-02-24T11:36:35+00:00

I have lots of lovely natural non posed photos of dp and their grandmother with the dc, playing with them, hugging laughing together absolutely lovely moments captured without them knowing and they are lovely to look back on. But nobody ever thinks to take out their phone and snap natural photos of me in the moment with my dc. Not one single photo with me their mother hugging, kissing, reading to them nothing and it upsets me so much. I've mentioned it sooo many times to dp and my mum but they still don't ever do it. The only photo I ever get of me with dc is if I ask someone to take one and then it's just a posed photo of us just stood their. I could scream. Anyone else have this issue.

NameChangeFor2023 · 24/02/2023 16:01

He just did it!!! Although asked the eldest to pose as he joined the room so I was hyper aware of a camera pointed. I mentioned that to him (can never be satisfied can I) I think he snapped another with me and just the newborn after, will find out at some point.

Although then missed another lovely opportunity just now, but at least there may be one!

FictionalCharacter · 24/02/2023 17:02

Same. I don’t have a single non-posed photo of me, with or without the kids. I have hundreds of them with dh or other people. And I’ve realised that the only photos my PILs have of the DC are of them on their own or with the cousins.
I didn’t have dc with my ex but even though he liked taking photos, he never took them of me. I have loads of holiday pics with him in, but his pics were always landscapes, buildings etc. I commented once that if he showed people his holiday snaps over the years, everyone would think he took his holidays alone. He just looked sheepish.

Original poster

theblackradiator · 24/02/2023 18:18

A bit morbid but I always think if I died they'd have no photo of me to put on my coffin at my funeral as they seem to do nowadays!

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frozendaisy · 24/02/2023 18:20

I pointed out if I die our kids will have to look at one of my mate's Facebook page for pictures of me! You are not alone OP.

I have also played the guilt card because kids not small anymore that clearly the babyhood moments have passed now.

UsingChangeofName · 24/02/2023 18:26

I recently had a birthday and no one thinks to take a photo of dc giving me their gift or a birthday hug whereas if it's dps or grandmother's birthday il be their quietly in the background snapping a few pics

See, I'd find this really weird. Like you were a press photographer, or the paparazzi or something. I'd hate for someone to be sticking a camera in when I was just going about my day. This description really makes you sound like a professional photographer who is unable to switch off. I wouldn't want that at all, so it wouldn't occur to me to impose it upon someone else.
I'm with @Enko

megletthesecond · 24/02/2023 18:28

Same. I only have selfies with my dc's. And only about one a year since they became teens.

HerRoyalNotness · 24/02/2023 18:32

Same here. Although my H did try to take Candids occasionally and they’re all shit. Me with closed eyes, grimacing, gurning, you get the idea. Even posed ones he’d take 1 photo and I’d have my eyes closed. I take 4-5 then keep the best one so I know there’s always a good one. Now I ask take a photo but again they’re posed and check on the spot. I’ve stopped taking as many with him in them too, tired of the effort i put into everything with none from his side

onionringcheeseypuff · 24/02/2023 18:36

Same here

I don't have a photograph of me holding my newborn baby til about 13 hours after he was born and it's a shit blurry one and then no one took any for the rest of the week I was in hospital

I've never forgiven DH or any of our families for not thinking of me when I was vulnerable and needed them to think of that for me

Actually I'm still furious and it's been more than a decade

handsoffate · 24/02/2023 18:39

Same here. I have hundreds of great shots of the kids with dh, and only one lovely candid one of me lifting up youngest dc and us laughing together when he was a baby (he’s now nine…).
DH can’t even take a decent posed shot, he’s incapable of getting the angles right.

handsoffate · 24/02/2023 18:41

onionringcheeseypuff · 24/02/2023 18:36

Same here

I don't have a photograph of me holding my newborn baby til about 13 hours after he was born and it's a shit blurry one and then no one took any for the rest of the week I was in hospital

I've never forgiven DH or any of our families for not thinking of me when I was vulnerable and needed them to think of that for me

Actually I'm still furious and it's been more than a decade

I’m sorry about that, and same here.

TurnipsMyArse · 24/02/2023 18:49

Same. I guess it’s a mum thing ☹️

Original poster

theblackradiator · 24/02/2023 18:49

UsingChangeofName · 24/02/2023 18:26

I recently had a birthday and no one thinks to take a photo of dc giving me their gift or a birthday hug whereas if it's dps or grandmother's birthday il be their quietly in the background snapping a few pics

See, I'd find this really weird. Like you were a press photographer, or the paparazzi or something. I'd hate for someone to be sticking a camera in when I was just going about my day. This description really makes you sound like a professional photographer who is unable to switch off. I wouldn't want that at all, so it wouldn't occur to me to impose it upon someone else.
I'm with @Enko

I don't stick the camera in I do it discreetly so as not to ruin the moment for them and it often makes for a lovely shot much better than constantly asking people to stop and pose all the time, they don't complain or feel uncomfortable about it at all. The kids have got some lovely natural pics of them with their dad and grandmother as a result.
I think many more on this thread would be more likely to agree than disagree with me that these are often the best pics.

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Arthurflecksfacepaint · 24/02/2023 18:54

The only photos of me with my children are crap selfies which if dh sees he takes the piss out of or ones which I’ve asked my 8 year old to take of me and the little ones.

I only exist as a voice on video. There are thousands of dh and the children.

I tried asking him to take the odd photo but he just said “why, are you that vain”. He even made me feel like there was something wrong with me when I asked him to take a photo of me and dd when she was born.

Its shit because my mum died when I was 11. My dad was an avid photographer and there are so many of her and videos. I don’t really remember her now I’m in my 40s, so I treasure those.

My children won’t have that.

FictionalCharacter · 24/02/2023 19:03

onionringcheeseypuff · 24/02/2023 18:36

Same here

I don't have a photograph of me holding my newborn baby til about 13 hours after he was born and it's a shit blurry one and then no one took any for the rest of the week I was in hospital

I've never forgiven DH or any of our families for not thinking of me when I was vulnerable and needed them to think of that for me

Actually I'm still furious and it's been more than a decade

I have just realised that the only photo of me holding my twins in hospital is a Polaroid taken in SCBU by the nurses a few days after they were born! Blurry just like yours. It’s hurtful isn’t it.

MaeMair · 24/02/2023 19:05

Yes. I have been known to brood about it an entire holiday or weekend away. Not that my brooding or complaining about it makes a difference!

Original poster

theblackradiator · 24/02/2023 19:11

yes no pics of me holding my newborns either but pics of dp and my mum with them as I took them from my hospital bed!
and I'm also just a voice on a video! (that saying made me laugh actually) but it's true.

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fdgdfgdfgdfg · 24/02/2023 19:12

I don't take photos. I'm not interested in looking at them, so I don't see a benefit of taking them. It's a faff to turn the camera on my phone on and take one when I'd rather be enjoying the moment.

DP also hates photos of herself, so it was a surprise when she said she was gutted that she had very few photos with DD. I remembered to take some for a little while, but I forgot after a while, plus sometimes she'd complain that she didn't look good today etc.

Now I've asked her to tell me if she wants photos that day. I know then that she's happy enough to have her photo taken that day, and it's a prompt for me to remember to take them without them being staged in that moment.

elp30 · 24/02/2023 19:32

@theblackradiator

I completely understand.

My mother lived with cancer from the time I was seven until her death when I was ten. I have very few memories of her. However, my father took a few candid shots which are the most precious photos I own. In one, she's reading a book to me, she's cooking a normal dinner on a normal day, she's wearing curlers in her hair which she did every day or just sitting around the table with her siblings and her parents (they died too before I was ten) drinking coffee. I have loads of photos of my father doing similar mundane things (he died 12 years ago).

What's ironic is that my husband is a professional photographer. He takes beautiful landscape photos but it never dawns on him to photograph me doing those mundane things or candid shots with our kids. It's always me.

But like everyone else, I'll just have to resort to selfies.

Original poster

theblackradiator · 24/02/2023 22:03

@elp30 💐so sorry to hear of the loss of your mother while you were so young. I can very well Imagine how precious those photos are to you and I bet you are very grateful to your dad for taking them. just shows how precious these simple little things are that take 2 seconds to take and no effort these days as everyone has a camera phone on them at all times. sorry for your loss of both parents💐

sorry for this bold text format it seems to switch on automatically when I mention someone in a post and I cannot switch it off for some reason??

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Corsica2023 · 24/02/2023 22:04

Yes, that's the point isn't it. The photos aren't for you now. They are so in the future the children can look back and see that we did play with them, swim with them,have fun together. It's so you aren't edited out of their photographic lives.

UsingChangeofName · 24/02/2023 23:53

Corsica2023 · 24/02/2023 22:04

Yes, that's the point isn't it. The photos aren't for you now. They are so in the future the children can look back and see that we did play with them, swim with them,have fun together. It's so you aren't edited out of their photographic lives.

My dc are adults now.
They / I don't have any pictures like this.
They do remember me playing with them, swimming with them, cooking with them, reading with them, turning up to their matches, concerts etc.
They can remember that without photos.

It's a bit far fetched to think dcs don't have any memories of their childhood because it isn't documented for Instagram

Iggii · 25/02/2023 00:09

UsingChangeofName · 24/02/2023 23:53

My dc are adults now.
They / I don't have any pictures like this.
They do remember me playing with them, swimming with them, cooking with them, reading with them, turning up to their matches, concerts etc.
They can remember that without photos.

It's a bit far fetched to think dcs don't have any memories of their childhood because it isn't documented for Instagram

Show quote history

If you think it's for instagram, you're completely missing the point.

PleaseStopSayingHuBbY · 25/02/2023 00:54

Absolutely the same. I have so many pics of everyone else but no sweet caught in the moment pics with me. Gutted

Original poster

theblackradiator · 25/02/2023 01:08

UsingChangeofName · 24/02/2023 23:53

My dc are adults now.
They / I don't have any pictures like this.
They do remember me playing with them, swimming with them, cooking with them, reading with them, turning up to their matches, concerts etc.
They can remember that without photos.

It's a bit far fetched to think dcs don't have any memories of their childhood because it isn't documented for Instagram

Show quote history

Not everyone takes pictures for Instagram or Facebook I don't use them myself. I just like photos for personal family memories.

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WahWahWahs · 25/02/2023 06:44

Listen to this podcast - it sums it all up. it matters! I had a serious talk to DH about this after listening, because I don’t want to be invisible in my own life whilst making it all happen for everyone else.

podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/we-can-do-hard-things-with-glennon-doyle/id1564530722?i=1000577280482