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Original poster

I wish people would take pictures of me with my dcs

97 replies

theblackradiator · 24/02/2023 11:36

I have lots of lovely natural non posed photos of dp and their grandmother with the dc, playing with them, hugging laughing together absolutely lovely moments captured without them knowing and they are lovely to look back on. But nobody ever thinks to take out their phone and snap natural photos of me in the moment with my dc. Not one single photo with me their mother hugging, kissing, reading to them nothing and it upsets me so much. I've mentioned it sooo many times to dp and my mum but they still don't ever do it. The only photo I ever get of me with dc is if I ask someone to take one and then it's just a posed photo of us just stood their. I could scream. Anyone else have this issue.

OP posts:

snapp · 24/02/2023 12:42

I had it out with DH last year. Had a big family holiday and not one photo of me apart from selfies. I cried and said how selfish it was. I said that from then on I wouldn't take any more photos of him or any of the other adults again as I wasn't going to be the official photographer. I stuck to it. We had months of birthdays, family parties, days out with no photos and after a while he stepped up. He's now learnt to take some with me in.

NameChangeFor2023 · 24/02/2023 12:47

Enko · 24/02/2023 12:41

Dh is massively into photos and I had a period where I want to scream at his obsession with "natural moments " aka me looking like a wild woman " never any of me looking nice with the kids.

Guess I'm kinda the opposite to most.of you here 🙂

I hate my photo being taken and hide from cameras. But my DH taking a natural one which won't be sent to other people and I'm unaware of a camera facing me so not posing, is all I want. Some memories that prove I held my children! Too late with DC1 but still some chance with DC2 (although a few weeks in). I showed him this post as soon as I read it and read some replies.

Although I've done that with previous similar posts and it's forgotten after an hour.

There was a beautiful moment of me and DC2 just last week and I had to take an awkward selfie (like I did with DC1 all the time) just to capture it. Then the camera comes out after the argument. So I get awkward and blush and don't want the photo from him.

NameChangeFor2023 · 24/02/2023 12:50

I also didn't take photos of MIL holding DC2 as if FIL and DH don't do it. Why the hell should I?

Yes, she takes photos but not of me as I don't like it (they then get shared in the family group, printed out etc. and who knows who else she sends them to) if I knew she would send the photos just to me/DH then I would be ok with it and reciprocate. I used to get the candid shots but it's just not my burden to carry with both families.

Enko · 24/02/2023 12:52

I recall arguing with dh over a photo he took of me and our youngest. He sees the colours and the light. I see my top halfway up and a roll of fat (I wasn't fat at the time just the angle and the way we were sitting) he wanted to frame it I cried fromhow appealing I looked. He didn't get it at all and was very hurt I didn't like the photo.

I do also have lovely moments of me and the kids I love. But like with most thing we need moderation. Too much or too little is not good.

shivawn · 24/02/2023 12:55

My husband tends to take videos more than photos but I can screen grab a few nice photos from them afterwards. I actually prefer it because I can choose photos from the angles and stuff I look best from ha. Maybe your husband would find it easier to take videos too?

MissLuker · 24/02/2023 12:57

I know exactly what you mean, so many lovely moments not captured on film.

luckily I have the most wonderful daughter in law who’s a great secret snapper when we’re all together now, so have some lovely natural pics.

I have taken some fantastic shots of my husband, he does not reciprocate, it’s not the same is it saying take a picture of meeeeeee😱

BridieConvert · 24/02/2023 12:59

Yup, I spend a lot of time complaining to my DH about this. He does take natural photos... but deliberately from bad angles/mid-rant etc because he thinks it's funny 🙄 I genuinely think they just don't think of these things. There is one photo of me sleeping on the couch with DC. But again I think that was because he was trying to be funny.

LorneSausage · 24/02/2023 13:00

I've just checked my phone and realised that although I have lots of pictures of my grandsons, I have no recent photos of my daughter with her boys other than selfies. Guess what I'll be doing next time I see them!

StJulian2023 · 24/02/2023 13:01

IwishIwasSupermum · 24/02/2023 11:59

Same here, just been on holiday and went on a tour, the guide kept asking for my phone so he could take photos of us as a family, it’s so lovely to have them, we normally come back from hols with pictures of just DH & DC, I might be in the odd one which I’ve had to ask someone to take.

This just happened to us on holiday and it was so lovely and appreciated because DH died when ours were 5 and 7. DC are great at taking pics now they’re older too (11 and 13)

JennyDarlingRIP · 24/02/2023 13:06

One of my favourite photos isn't one I'd put up because I look rough as hell, but it was when DS was about 4/5 weeks old I'm sat propped up on our bed with DS asleep on my chest and the (now deceased) cat curled up next to us, DH and I were watching a film together, optimistically trying to get some time while DS contact napped and almost immediately I'd fallen asleep.
I have dark circles under my eyes, my skin is pale, my hair is wild, but we all just look so peaceful.
He took it without me knowing, and I found it maybe a year later when I was looking for one he'd taken of DS and he told me he took it because he looked at us and just wanted to keep the moment.
Posed and taken as a selfie, or because you've asked someone to, just doesn't capture the same thing. If he'd asked to take a picture then I would've said no I look awful, but I'm glad he did.
I get it OP.

Iggii · 24/02/2023 13:06

Sarahcoggles · 24/02/2023 11:43

Same here. When I die they'll have virtually no photos of me at all.

I was thinking about this after a funeral recently where they had a photo reel. The ones of me would all be on nights out with friends, not ones with my children!
Makes me sad.

Original poster

theblackradiator · 24/02/2023 13:11

no he doesn't video either and neither does my mum they're just not interested in photos or videos at all, but my mum will always comment that she's saw a lovely photo of someone else with their dcs I just think why don't you think to take one of your own daughter then with her dc!!. come to think of it she has never photographed me as I have no childhood photos other than school class pics or the odd one a neighbour/relative took and gave us its just not her think although she does like to see other families pictures??.
it also wouldnt work if I stopped taking pics of them with the dc as they're so disinterested that it wouldn't spur them on to take pics of me with them like another poster did. I do see other men and grandparents out and about taking pics of their families and I just think why can't mine do that.
and yes dp has produced the phone after me mentioning it(nagging)sometimes even arguing about it but then the moment has gone and il look at the photo and remember the argument we've just had about him never taking any and we just don't look relaxed and happy in the pics so they are miserable.

OP posts:

Marblepie · 24/02/2023 13:17

I thought this was just my DH, it's a regular argument of ours because I feel quite unloved that he's never taken a single photo of me alone or with the kids. I'm the one into photography so I've got so many candid shots of him and the kids ironically it looks like they are the ones with the close relationship in the photos when actually I do all the childcare so these are rare moments of him with the kids captured on holiday usually. I feel really sad about it too. I do take selfies and self-timer photos, but they're not the same as someone else capturing a candid moment and taking the whole scene in.

snapp · 24/02/2023 13:21

I think it's more apparent when you print your photos and put them in an album. Lots of people just keep them on their phone, but printed out you can see easily who is missing.

Marblepie · 24/02/2023 13:23

My DH will also only take a photo after I've complained he never takes any, usually a hideous close up of my scowling face which he'll then set as his phone screen saver. He finds this hilarious. To me capturing moments is a way to express love for that person and I find it hurtful that he just won't do it no matter how often I tell him it would mean a lot to me to record these little moments of me with the kids.

AnotherSpare · 24/02/2023 13:25

Can you set up something with a friend? Invite a friend to spend a day with you specifically plan to do "normal" things and ask the friend to be responsible for capturing normal moments? Plan it a few times per year and do the same for the friend in return.
Not quite the same as capturing those moments by chance but the end result is the same - your children will have some pictures of you together.

Milany · 24/02/2023 13:26

Same. There are only selfies of me and my children. Might occassionally get a poised one. Given up asking for anything else.

Peachmelbas · 24/02/2023 13:28

Yes! Got so many pictures of my mum with my newborn and pictures of my husband cuddling him but no one thinks to take them of me and him together. I have to ask. And then the pictures are terrible because they are posed and false. Soooooooo annoying!

Zwicky · 24/02/2023 13:32

I have ONE candid photo of me and I look a million dollars. I could be a model in a magazine. It was at a wedding and the actual shot was of someone else but the person who took it caught me in the side and sent me a cropped picture because she (rightly!) thought I looked great.
Every other photo I have of me I am standing awkwardly, gurning at the camera. I just can’t pose decently for a photo. I have zero natural pictures of everyday moments, no nice moments with kids or DH or my parents or siblings just relaxing. I mithered at dh to take some when we were away in the summer. “Go and walk around then and I’ll take some” - it’s not the same. I did get one ok one of me looking over a harbour wall but A- it’s from behind and I could be anyone B - I know it is contrived and taken when I was cross.

cocksstrideintheevening · 24/02/2023 13:33

I used to say that if I went under a bus the next day the kids would have no idea what I looked like. We just take selfies now.

Username1234321 · 24/02/2023 13:33

Yes it's the same for me, I take such nice ones of my partner with the kids, it doesn't happen in return and kind of makes me want to stop taking them of others.

Tupperwarelid · 24/02/2023 13:38

Same here, I had to find a photo of myself and son for school for an activity once and it was so hard. I remember being on holiday and seeing a family of three and the mum was taking a photo of her child and partner. I jumped in and asked if she wanted me to take one of all three of them and she was so grateful, said she hardly had any of them as a family as she was the one always taking them.

dontgobaconmyheart · 24/02/2023 14:06

Thanks for this thread OP, I'm taking it as a reminder to make sure to always get some snaps with friends with their DC when I visit and pass them on to them. It's absolutely no effort really is it and I'm a big photo taker anyway (albeit usually of the scenery) so should really translate that to utilising it for something nice for friends.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 24/02/2023 15:01

Absolutely same.

I'm not a photogenic person, and I'm sure that people just think I'll dismiss those photos anyway - but I won't. I might not put on the wall, but I want to be able to look back and know I was present in my children's lives!

IWIllDoItNowInAMinute · 24/02/2023 15:26

Me too. I have lots of natural ones of everyone else too. It makes me sad too because I also think if I died the DC wouldn’t have anything to look back on - painted on smiles for ‘cheese’ photos and selfies just so I know that I do actually exist aren’t the same. It’s annoying.

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