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Original poster

Annoying FIL - AIBU?

60 replies

babybumcream · 24/02/2023 09:42

My FIL lives abroad. He's always been slightly obsessed with our DC's weight & height starting from the baby days.

He's always asked my DH to weigh and measure our DC regularly and let him know the

Weights & measurements which I've always found odd.

Apparently he's messaged my DH and said that DC hasn't put any weight on in a year. AIBU to think this is out of order and non of his business?

It's really annoyed me. Our DC is very active, plays sports most days a week, not a great eater but has always been the same from being a baby.

The height and weight is monitored through school also so I'm not worried but I'm just wondering what others think about this scenario?

OP posts:
Loopyloooooo · 24/02/2023 09:44

Put him on an information diet and stop telling Hume your kids measurements. If he asks just say you haven't measured them for ages but you know they're growing because they've outgrown their clothes. Otherwise just smile and nod 😉

PictureNotPerfect · 24/02/2023 09:45

It might be annoying, but I think there are worse things that he could be doing. It’s his way of showing an interest in his Grandchildren. It seems harmless to me.

theleavesfall · 24/02/2023 09:46

I would straight up ask your DH what FIL issue is!!!!
None of his bloody business what your children weigh!
You sound like a great mum and so do your children.
Children change so rapidly...one minute they are small bubs and we worry about their weight... the next they are the tallest on their class!!!
Tell the FIL to get a life !!

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MucozadeOnLucozade · 24/02/2023 09:46

Stop giving him this information.

theleavesfall · 24/02/2023 09:48

@PictureNotPerfect sounds innocent? Worse things he could be asking or doing.
Geez what do you put up with.
It's straight up none of his business!
Ask them how they are - how's school etc.

MaggieMagpie357 · 24/02/2023 09:48

What a very weird thing to do. I don't understand why anyone would happily give him this information?

SlowlyRetreatMyDear · 24/02/2023 09:49

Even my own Mother who saw her Grandchildren regularly never asked beyond the first few months of them being babies. Stop telling him your children's weight and height. Ask yourself why he would want this information? To chastise you with it that your child has not gained weight? Looks like he has already done this. This is why you don't give him information.

FictionalCharacter · 24/02/2023 09:52

It's none of his business and dh should stop feeding him these details.

PictureNotPerfect · 24/02/2023 09:52

theleavesfall · 24/02/2023 09:48

@PictureNotPerfect sounds innocent? Worse things he could be asking or doing.
Geez what do you put up with.
It's straight up none of his business!
Ask them how they are - how's school etc.

I have put up with much worse, I’m NC with some family. So yes, my bar is probably low compared to others.

FoxFeatures · 24/02/2023 09:54

Ask him if this is a fetish of his and see the requests stop abruptly.

Aquamarine1029 · 24/02/2023 09:56

The problem is that you and your husband keep pandering to this nonsense instead of refusing to participate in your FIL's inappropriate obsession.

Arthurflecksfacepaint · 24/02/2023 10:06

He would have been laughed at the first time he asked.

What an odd thing to want to know.

Get your dh to tell him no.

TomatoSandwiches · 24/02/2023 10:11

Did he do this with his own children?

Original poster
babybumcream · 24/02/2023 10:18

The thing is my DH doesn't seem to think there is anything wrong in it and it's me that's being difficult.

He knows I'm not happy about it and if I asked him to stop telling him the information I don't think he would.

OP posts:
Sorrento2014 · 24/02/2023 10:27

My in-laws are obsessed with height, comparing against themselves, cousins etc whenever they see the kids (rarely, thankfully) I have no doubt they talk about it and weight endlessly. I would be livid if they actually started asking for that info. In general though they have too many opinions on everyone and everything so it's just another thing I ignore.

I've always told my kids 'you're lovely as you are' and don't want them to be overly obsessed with physical appearance. Like yours they are pretty active, sporty and we talk about healthy eating etc.

I would be worried your in laws are going to make your kids paranoid tbh.

SnackyOnassis · 24/02/2023 10:35

Some older people take great pride in having grandchildren that are physically flourishing, my great grandparents were the same. I imagine it's a hangover from their childhood where maybe an underweight child was an unhealthy one?

Still, doesn't make it appropriate nowadays - my general approach to the allowances we should make for older people is that if they've managed to shift their mindsets to understand how to use the internet or send and receive texts, they have the wherewithal to update their views too and don't get a free pass because 'things were different in their day'.

MB34 · 25/02/2023 20:51

That's not on. Totally none of his business and not appropriate.
Focusing on weight at any age can cause eating disorders.
Stop having his weighed and measured and from now on, every time FIL asks, ask him for his (and your MIL/his partner's if he has one) weight and height too and make comments.

MB34 · 25/02/2023 20:53

MB34 · 25/02/2023 20:51

That's not on. Totally none of his business and not appropriate.
Focusing on weight at any age can cause eating disorders.
Stop having his weighed and measured and from now on, every time FIL asks, ask him for his (and your MIL/his partner's if he has one) weight and height too and make comments.

*"him weighed and measured" not "his"

MeridaBrave · 25/02/2023 20:53

So weird, I would either say, sorry I don’t know offhand. I honestly never weighed or measured my kids. Or if pushed say, I prefer not to weigh them, it’s done in school and I’ll be told if there is anything to worry about.

Its none of his business. If I was asked my first thought would be why do you want to know?

ArrrMeHearties · 25/02/2023 21:00

I'd be telling your fil to stfu and let your dc grow and develop at their own rate. Why does he need to know their heights and weights so obsessively? Does he have issues around his own weight

ArrrMeHearties · 25/02/2023 21:02

My dp, pil and other family if they haven't seen ds for a wee while will say how tall he's got which is fine why can't your fil just do that instead

Maybedont · 25/02/2023 21:06

Ask him HIS weight next time he asks.

SongChaser · 25/02/2023 21:08

When they’re babies, it can be interesting as they’re growing so quickly. Beyond those very early weeks, it’s totally fucking weird to ask for that information.

Lindycg · 25/02/2023 21:13

Ask your FIL why he's so interested in 'weight', no need to mention your child initially? Was your FIL like this with your husband?

GinIronic · 25/02/2023 21:13

Why does he want to know? What does he do with this information?