Annoying FIL - AIBU?

[babybumcream]

My FIL lives abroad. He's always been slightly obsessed with our DC's weight & height starting from the baby days.

He's always asked my DH to weigh and measure our DC regularly and let him know the

Weights & measurements which I've always found odd.

Apparently he's messaged my DH and said that DC hasn't put any weight on in a year. AIBU to think this is out of order and non of his business?

It's really annoyed me. Our DC is very active, plays sports most days a week, not a great eater but has always been the same from being a baby.

The height and weight is monitored through school also so I'm not worried but I'm just wondering what others think about this scenario?

This is private medical data that in fact belongs to the children alone. It is absolutely not your DHs (or anyone else’s) to share unnecessarily.

How is your DH sharing this info? Through calls? Online? Encrypted? Similarly how is your FIL storing or disposing of such data.? It doesn’t matter whether it’s on a computer on jotted on a pad it is still private and personal information regardless and it is not DH’s ‘right’ to share it unnecessarily.

This is why when the letter with the weight/height data comes from school it will be marked as private / confidential.

They may be children now but I wonder how they’ll feel about the unnecessary and invasive sharing of such personal, private data (and no doubt identifiable) in what is in essence part of a medical record, when they’re older.

It sounds an incredibly unhealthy obsession to me. Not to mention the potential for future wright disorders as they grow older.

I would insist that it desists immediately on the basis of the breach of their childrens’ own rights to having their own privacy and personal data being protected. I’d also go further and ask for full details of what has been done with all previous data shared, how it has been previously shared, handled and stored and for proof that it has been destroyed. If you meet with resistance explain clearly to DH and FIL the above and also that it is necessary in order for you to be able to reassure the children (now or when they’re older) that all measures have been taken to protect their private medical data and to ensure that that shared previously does not fall into unintended hands.

YANBU

I suggest you have a chat with your husband pointing out that it’s fine for him to pass this information on, but that’s where it stops. If he and his Dad want to discuss this then fine, but that’s where it stays. You, and especially your children, are to be kept out of it completely. I suspect when both of them have nowhere to go with this information, interest will fizzle out.

……..in summary it sounds both creepy and controlling. I’d be glad he lives abroad tbh.

This is ridiculous. I never weigh or measure the height of my children. I can see that they are thriving, sporty , they appear to be going upwards at a normal rate.

Just stop!

He’s definitely being unreasonable.

That said, I haven’t weighed my dc since he was a baby, which was over 10 years ago. We track his height, and he’s slim, active, and fits the appropriate age clothing so it’s not something we bother with.

I'd start making up measurements.

This is very odd, it's giving Hansel and Gretel (though not seriously suggesting your FIL is a witch who lives in a gingerbread house and has cannibalistic tendencies).

If it were my parents I would stop giving them this information (and tell them to stop asking), and I would expect DP to do the same if his did.

…but it really isn’t fine though. It’s the child’s private data, not DHs, nor FILs and so her DH shouldn’t be sharing it and the FIL shouldn’t asking either of the parents or the child to provide it. Unless it needs to collected, monitored and shared for a genuine medical reason, by a clinician then it should be left alone and certainly shouldn’t be shared by anyone.

Like I said previously, it’s both creepy and controlling.

@MzHz , as I mentioned, i never ask for their weight. I can see for myself they're healthy and happy, and their parents (or their GP) is not concerned about their weight.

I think I'd be strongly tempted to start reducing their height by a couple of inches each time I was asked. And adding 5lbs to their weight.