Annoying FIL - AIBU?

[babybumcream]

My FIL lives abroad. He's always been slightly obsessed with our DC's weight & height starting from the baby days.

He's always asked my DH to weigh and measure our DC regularly and let him know the

Weights & measurements which I've always found odd.

Apparently he's messaged my DH and said that DC hasn't put any weight on in a year. AIBU to think this is out of order and non of his business?

It's really annoyed me. Our DC is very active, plays sports most days a week, not a great eater but has always been the same from being a baby.

The height and weight is monitored through school also so I'm not worried but I'm just wondering what others think about this scenario?

You know your child is thriving and weighing them all the time could give them issues in the future so accidentally break the scales
I would have hated to be weighed every week

You don’t say how old your son is but I haven’t monitored my children’s weights since they were small babies. Didn’t know people did to be honest.
Anyways, quit any weight related updates. How he’s getting on in school/with hobbies etc should suffice

Your FIL obviously leads a dull and boring life, if he has the time to be asking for this information.

My grandmother was the same, in another country. Sometimes they just want to be reassured about health, because there’s not much else they can do from afar, maybe in his mind it’s his way of helping, possibly giving dietary advice.
I wouldn’t put much thought into it if he’s otherwise nice.
I would stop when your child is old enough to understand though.

Are there other ways for them to connect ? FaceTime ?

If he actually sees your DC he’ll see that he’s perfectly fine.
If he’s old enough to understand, it could lead to issues.

Our son has gained 3lb in three years! Genuinely was 2st 6lb as a 2 year old and 2st 9lb just turned 5. He’s leaner. I think this is normal, especially if you DS is athletic.

I’d be very unhappy if my Dh was telling his father this info when you’ve asked him not to. It’s weirdly specific very odd.

This is creepy AF.

would you consent to someone sending this info about you to another adult?

I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t do it to my kids.

Send him some pictures so he can see DS is thriving and say he’s developed a thing about being weighed and refusing to be weighed and you’re not going to force him to think about how heavy or not he is

Either stop or have a bit of fun with it and feed him the wrong information.

Does he (and your DH by weighing and measuring your DC regularly) want to cause body image problems with your children?

It is enough for children to be weighed and measured at school/the doctor if needed. Regular focus on their weight especially could be really harmful - and very intrusive as they grow older.

What age will your DH and FIL stop?

I’d just send a photo every time he asks for the measurements of your DH (including HIS weight and height) with DC standing next to him. Your FIL can see your children are healthy and happy, without them having to be “inspected”.

And record it in a little book and periodically contact him with your concerns about it.

It sounds like your father in law is planning to eat your son, which is a bit concerning? Do not let your son out of your sight without a packet of breadcrumbs.

Once my children were out of the health visitor stage I never weighed or measured them anyway. Perhaps have no information to give him.

Tell him he needs to send you his weight at frequent intervals.

It’s weird and I would be equally annoyed if someone commented on my child’s growth.

Is he a war time baby? Maybe his actions reflect his own childhood with rationing and family worried about his or siblings healthy growth. Fatter was often seen as better.

I would probably just explain modern day percentiles to him, how the graphs evolved and that anything on the scale is fine, if it’s part of a normal trend.

however it might be best not to discuss with him and simply thank him for letting you know.

Frequently measuring and weighing your son is not healthy, and I'd be more concerned about him developing issues around his weight because of it than the issues with FIL to be honest!

I would absolutely be putting a stop to this regardless of what your DH thinks.

I would be a little concerned if my child didnt put on any weight in a year. Hopefully nothing but I would be keeping a closer eye now it has been highlighted.

I would find it a little odd but if dh happy to share the information then I wouldn't be bothered enough to argue. I expect there are things i share with my mum and sister about the children that my dh might not.

Ask for his weekly weigh in and measurements

😆

Do.you have the weights and measurements of your children anyway, or are you weighing them just for your FIL? Because if you are that's really out of order.

Agree with others when I say put him on an information diet, he doesn't need to know these things so stop telling him, he will.uoswt your kids if he hasn't already.

This⬆️

I painted a growth-chart on the kitchen wall and make marks for my grandchildren 😊 I have one GC here, and he loves to be measured and check how he has grown. My other grandchildren are abroad, but their parents tell me their lenght when they've been measured. It's just for fun, we did it for our own children too and part of that growth-chard is still on the wall - I painted a small frame around it ❤️ Maybe your FIL does something similar? I have to add I never ask for the children's weight. They're healthy, all 3 of them 🤷🏼‍♀️

@Sennelier1 thats height tho, entirely different and all (most) kids would find this fun.

weight and the way that FIL is handling it is creepy. I’d tell h to stop it @babybumcream if I were you and I would fucking bin the scales if he didn’t respect that.