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Original poster

Would you chose to live near an ‘enemy’?

66 replies

Antsinmypants23 · 20/02/2023 16:13

Hi, I’m looking for advice but I wasn’t sure which topic it should be.
We are in the process of looking at new houses as I’m pregnant and will need an extra bedroom.
There is a house we really like, it’s near the schools and in walking distance to town and parks.
We went to view it yesterday and seriously considered putting in an offer on the spot.
The catch is that the neighbour next door is someone I can only describe as an enemy to sum it up. I only realised as I saw her children playing in the garden.
I won’t go into detail about why, but she put me in a dark place many years ago. I did get help and moved on but the thought of her being nearby concerns me that I may become anxious and remember it all again.
Part of me says to put my big boy pants on and forget her, she may not recognise me at all, another part says it could be triggering and ruin an exciting time knowing she is 2 doors away.
I haven’t told my husband as I don’t want it to be the deciding factor, but I just wanted to get some of your views before I talk to him.

OP posts:
Prinnny · 20/02/2023 16:16

Really depends on what happened and what her role in it was. Does she also hold a grudge against you? Personally, if someone had caused me such trauma as you describe then no I would not want to live next door to them.

ItsAllSoComplicated · 20/02/2023 16:16

I’d find it hard tbh. It would make me fearful of leaving into the house and bumping in to them. 2 doors down is near enough for them to be heard from the garden in summer. It would make me very tense!

Are you sure her kids weren’t just visiting that house? Maybe her sibling or aunt live there or something?

creamwitheverything · 20/02/2023 16:19

No I wouldnt.The fact is you will remember every single day with it in your face and that wont help you lead a nice life. Your paths will cross, Its so not worth it to your mental health and wellbeing .

Emmamoo89 · 20/02/2023 16:20

I personally wouldn't

Hawkins003 · 20/02/2023 16:20

More specifics are needed,

justasoul · 20/02/2023 16:20

My gut reaction was to say 'no way' but truth is I barely see my neighbours 2 doors away... might be different if you have kids about the same that end up in the same school, mind.

FancyFran · 20/02/2023 16:20

Personally I wouldn't. Home should be a safe place, a happy place. We have suffered from horrible gossip recently (none of it true and very defamatory). We are moving out of the area to avoid two people. I have tried really hard for two years to move on. They have not allowed that. Funny enough the lie was started by a man who had bullied me. I wouldn't live in a free house near these w'nkers.
Go for peace of mind elsewhere.

Goodread1 · 20/02/2023 16:21

Hell No

Quitelikeit · 20/02/2023 16:22

No way

SpinningFloppa · 20/02/2023 16:23

Nope, neighbours can make your life hell! Not the same but I’m NC with my sister and she lives a 5 minute drive away and even I had that wish I could move far away!

Toooldtoworry · 20/02/2023 16:23

2 streets away maybe, 2 houses away, no chance.

I had a situation with someone once and they live 5 miles away but parents round the corner from where I live. Whenever I see her I avoid her because the bad feeling has not left me 30+ years later. I don't hate her but I don't trust her, and I'll never forgive her.

Castle8 · 20/02/2023 16:23

No I wouldn't

mrsbyers · 20/02/2023 16:24

Absolutely not

Bagsandbabies · 20/02/2023 16:24

No, definitely not

Original poster
Antsinmypants23 · 20/02/2023 16:25

As I thought! I guess I wanted to assure myself it could be amicable and not let my husband down.
We worked together many years ago and she made my life hell. If she did recognise me she would likely still hold a grudge for me reporting her despite the fact she got away with her actions and left me depressed and traumatised.
It’s possible it isn’t her house but even having connections 2 doors down is a risk.
Thank you all I will speak to my husband when he finishes work.

OP posts:
SpinningFloppa · 20/02/2023 16:27

You said she made your life hell, that’s all you need to remember! You don’t move next door to someone who made your life hell.

pizzaHeart · 20/02/2023 16:27

No , I wouldn’t. You don’t need extra big girl pants on, you’ve got one already when you moved from a dark place.
you should be happy in your house

Blossomandbee · 20/02/2023 16:27

Probably not, moving is too expensive to take a risk with.
Although only you can judge the situation based on what happened.
There's also a big difference between someone being a couple of doors down in say a small terraced street, as opposed to spaced out detached houses where you might not even see her.

blackbeardsballsack · 20/02/2023 16:28

I sold my house that I loved and moved, because my enemy neighbours made my life such a misery, it was like death by one thousand cuts. Please don't!

Smoothlines · 20/02/2023 16:29

I might do. I wouldn’t even recognise my neighbours two doors away on one side. The one two doors away on the other side we say hello to but don’t chat.

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 20/02/2023 16:30

It does depend a lot on what made her an enemy - and how you have coped since it happened.

If she was the bully who tormented you as a child and made school hell for you, that might be less of a problem than if she made your work-place hell for you when you were both adults.

If she is 2 doors away -you will have contact and end up with people in common. If being an enemy is all in the past you might be able to start again. If it is still current to one of you - it is going to have impact on your everyday life and be very very hard to keep away from.

Grumpafrump · 20/02/2023 16:30

We live an ocean away from someone who makes me feel like this, and that’s still not far enough. No way I’d live next door unless you would be able to interact with her semi-regularly without it affecting you.

Heavensalongwayaway · 20/02/2023 16:35

Definitely not. The negative mental well-being and anxiety aspects mean it’s not worth it

Original poster
Antsinmypants23 · 20/02/2023 16:37

Yes you’re right, I’m just very optimistic and hope people can change!
Sad to hear some of you have been in similar positions.
Our house budget isn’t very high and this is the only house within our range so I hoped we could make it work, but happiness is more important.
There is then the worry I could have neighbours from hell anywhere I pick, it’s very difficult finding the right home then going into it not knowing what awaits!

OP posts:
LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 20/02/2023 16:41

You could try meeting her- before going any further with the house - and see how it goes.
She might be full of remorse and happy to have chance to be a good neighbour... or just not recognise you.
At least you would know for sure what the risk is.