Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Would you chose to live near an ‘enemy’?

66 replies

Antsinmypants23 · 20/02/2023 16:13

Hi, I’m looking for advice but I wasn’t sure which topic it should be.
We are in the process of looking at new houses as I’m pregnant and will need an extra bedroom.
There is a house we really like, it’s near the schools and in walking distance to town and parks.
We went to view it yesterday and seriously considered putting in an offer on the spot.
The catch is that the neighbour next door is someone I can only describe as an enemy to sum it up. I only realised as I saw her children playing in the garden.
I won’t go into detail about why, but she put me in a dark place many years ago. I did get help and moved on but the thought of her being nearby concerns me that I may become anxious and remember it all again.
Part of me says to put my big boy pants on and forget her, she may not recognise me at all, another part says it could be triggering and ruin an exciting time knowing she is 2 doors away.
I haven’t told my husband as I don’t want it to be the deciding factor, but I just wanted to get some of your views before I talk to him.

OP posts:

mostlysunnywithshowers · 20/02/2023 20:53

No way. Our vile neighbours have become our enemies over the last 5 years and bad neighbours makes life a misery. We can't wait to move. I would never actively move in next to someone I already had bad vibes with no matter what the other pluses were!

Emptycrackedcup · 20/02/2023 20:55

Don't do it, you need to be comfortable in your home and neighbourhood. It would be horrible if you later felt you couldn't go out from fear of being seen etc

HydrangeaRose · 20/02/2023 20:56

Absolutely not , your home is your safe place and that would put me on edge .

Tillow4ever · 20/02/2023 22:08

Another one saying no, OP. Not quite the same, but about 2 months after we moved into our home, I had to go home from work early one day due to heavy snow. As I was pulling into our road, I saw the man that had raped me 12 years earlier stood in the driveway of the house opposite ours, and it looked like it was his house. I was so scared and shaken, I couldn’t even drive down the drive, I just parked on the side of the road and ran down there and in. Once inside, I locked and safety chained the door before throwing up and sobbing for I don’t know how long. Because I suddenly didn’t feel safe in my home. My sanctuary. I didn’t know what to do - no way could we afford to love again, and no way could I ever feel safe with him there.

luckily, the house next door was owned by good friends, so I was able to speak to them a few days later and ask a few questions. It turned out their neighbours were renting, and he was a relation of theirs who had popped round to see them that day. They moved out not long after.

I cannot emphasise enough how important it is to not be living near someone who can make you feel that way.

Tillow4ever · 20/02/2023 22:09

*move again not love again

purplepencilcase · 20/02/2023 22:10

No way would I. Your home is your safe place.

Original poster

Antsinmypants23 · 20/02/2023 22:57

Thank you everyone, we have decided to pass on the house as the anxiety is not worth it and I luckily have a very supportive husband.
Tillow4ever - I’m so sorry, I’m glad they moved and you didn’t see him again, that must have been awful for you.

OP posts:

Tillow4ever · 21/02/2023 11:55

Antsinmypants23 · 20/02/2023 22:57

I’m really glad your husband was supportive. I know ut sucks when the house otherwise seemed perfect.

Thank you for your kind words. It was awful and I am so, so glad he wasn’t actually living there. It was bad enough it being a relative. You can’t underestimate how important it is to feel safe in your own home.

suzyscat · 21/02/2023 12:05

No way. Neighbours can make or break a house.

Even if nothing further happens you'll always be wondering if it might and that will impact your ability to relax in your own home.

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 21/02/2023 12:09

No way. I have the same problem lived in my house years and they've decided to move opposite us.
I've left it and don't hold a grudge but every now and then I hear down the grapevine they have moaned that I don't speak to them anymore. I'm absolutely dreading it when they do move in.
I'm now considering moving myself!

Glad you've decided not to move there, your mental health is more important.

purplecorkheart · 21/02/2023 12:10

Nope, I would not have to worry about bumping into her every time I leave the house. I would however make sure that she actually lives there and the kids are not there on a playdate.

I worked with someone who was a nightmare and I hate visiting the supermarket at the times she normally does.

Gooseysgirl · 21/02/2023 12:38

No way. Our next door neighbours have turned into enemies of sorts - they have turned out to be nasty passive aggressive psychos that we no longer have anything to do with (after we objected to their planning application for a ridiculous extension). We can never fully relax when they are at home as we feel like we are being watched going about our business or when trying to enjoy our garden, they try to block our car in and other weird shit. We would move, but as their house has been on the market a couple of times recently we know they are planning to go thankfully!! Don't bring it on yourself...

Gooseysgirl · 21/02/2023 12:39

Ahhh I've just seen your update - good decision, I promise you it is not worth the anxiety!

purplepencilcase · 21/02/2023 15:08

I'm glad it's not just me. I don't want to live in a local small village because a former friend who had such a detrimental affect on me that I tried to commit suicide lives there.

My DP cannot understand me and calls me mental for having such an 'issue' with her. I don't have any issues with her now, because I have absolutely nothing to do with her, and I want to keep it that way.

Tellmeimcrazy · 21/02/2023 15:11

You'll find a better house don't worry x

passiveaggressivenonsense · 21/02/2023 16:43

There's no way of knowing if she's grown up into to a nicer person or kept her nasty traits into adulthood. I have a nasty neighbour and I wish things were different. As you have a choice I say no.

Flip

1 2 3