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Original poster

DD is Very Overweight

116 replies

SteveBuscemisRheumyEye · 19/02/2023 10:45

I posted this in SN parenting but I think it might get seen more here

DD is 10 and Very Overweight. I know exactly why she is overweight but really struggling to address the problems.

She has ASD and an extremely limited diet (all beige, not a single vegetable and only strawberries). Portion sizes are too big but she freaks out if she doesn't have the amount requested. Have tried gradual reductions but it doesn't work. She's set in her patterns and I just don't know how to break them.

Absolutely loathes physical movement.

I'm failing her and I don't know what to do. I'm so fucking tired - she still cannot sleep on her own and right now I could just cry.

So as not to drop feed, I was an overweight child who later developed an eating disorder. My mother had an ED throughout my childhood, so that's something else I'm anxious about.

OP posts:
Kpo58 · 20/02/2023 19:34

Does she like computer games? Would she consider playing Pokémon Go? You could start with just walking to the closest pokestop at first?

Original poster
SteveBuscemisRheumyEye · 20/02/2023 19:45

I hear people's point about the photos. I think I was trying to show the vast change in the last couple of years.

I'll get them removed.

OP posts:
IncessantNameChanger · 20/02/2023 19:55

I have two kids with asd and a third with sensory issues. We saw a dietitian but after all the weighing the food etc we got discharged and was asked to restart the process so I gave up.

Could you weigh her full plate then just remove 10g a week.

With my sensory son I just gave him one item of food not at mealtime and not with a plate and asked him to taste it. He would taste most things with a lot of prompting. Once he hit puberty he had to eat more. He couldn't get enough food into him otherwise and it was his choice

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Iagrewithhim · 20/02/2023 20:08

SteveBuscemisRheumyEye · 20/02/2023 19:45

I hear people's point about the photos. I think I was trying to show the vast change in the last couple of years.

I'll get them removed.

OP- i honestly think your view is skewed. There is no vast difference. She seems slightly chubby (which she should be at the age) and in proportion.

I truly, hand on heart think your own eating disorders is blinding you to the reality of a child with a tiny amount of puppy fat that is nothing to be worried about. I am actually quite concerned about your perspective.

Worry about her exercise- worry about her veg intake- sure. Aim for something she loves like horses- great. But you are looking at a perfectly normal little girl's body.

SignOnTheWindow · 20/02/2023 20:36

SteveBuscemisRheumyEye · 19/02/2023 16:22

@OverCCCs honestly, we have tried everything in the 10 years of her life. She would gag, possibly throw up.

Also, we've built up a lot of trust - I've always said I will never hide things or "make" her try anything. This has been good for our relationship meaning that there is little anxiety around eating as she knows it's safe. There are huge, HUGE amounts of anxiety in almost every area of her life and I just cant face bringing more stress and anxiety into her little world

Others here have offered better advice than I could, but I just wanted to say that you sound like a wonderful parent. X

titchy · 20/02/2023 20:55

* OP- i honestly think your view is skewed. There is no vast difference. She seems slightly chubby (which she should be at the age) and in proportion.*

FGS you're the one whose view is skewed. Kids should NOT be slightly chubby. They should be skinny little things with knobbly knees and visible ribs and shoulder blades and collar bones. OP has given her height and weight and she is indeed very overweight. Tall kids are often more overweight than photos suggest because they have child size internal organs and therefore more room for the weight to sit.

That said, other than the poor quality, which will be difficult given her ND, I wonder if ensuring she eats no more, rather than eating less is the way to go. Then as she grows up and hormones appear she'll grow into her weight.

Iagrewithhim · 20/02/2023 21:03

titchy · 20/02/2023 20:55

* OP- i honestly think your view is skewed. There is no vast difference. She seems slightly chubby (which she should be at the age) and in proportion.*

FGS you're the one whose view is skewed. Kids should NOT be slightly chubby. They should be skinny little things with knobbly knees and visible ribs and shoulder blades and collar bones. OP has given her height and weight and she is indeed very overweight. Tall kids are often more overweight than photos suggest because they have child size internal organs and therefore more room for the weight to sit.

That said, other than the poor quality, which will be difficult given her ND, I wonder if ensuring she eats no more, rather than eating less is the way to go. Then as she grows up and hormones appear she'll grow into her weight.

Did you see the pics before they were deleted? A child with a slight tum and slim legs, shoulders, face and legs.

A pre-pubescent child.

titchy · 20/02/2023 21:08

No. But kids shouldn't have a slight tum. She's obviously lucky in that she has genetically slim arms and legs, but she's too heavy, and that weight is obviously being carried in her middle.

Iagrewithhim · 20/02/2023 21:09

titchy · 20/02/2023 21:08

No. But kids shouldn't have a slight tum. She's obviously lucky in that she has genetically slim arms and legs, but she's too heavy, and that weight is obviously being carried in her middle.

So you did not see the pics. Which means you have no actual context.

Iagrewithhim · 20/02/2023 21:10

visual context.

I despair, honestly.

Smoothlines · 20/02/2023 21:11

I saw the pics. The up-to-date picture showed a child who was overweight. The younger picture looked OK to me.

Iagrewithhim · 20/02/2023 21:13

The OP is talking about 'very overweight'. And 'vast change' and her own 'eating disorders'.

It has been said many times (including by me) that the issue of healthy eating is one thing, The issue of weight and the Ops negative feelings about it are another. The OP is apparently a psych. She needs to unpick her own feelings about it separately from the health issue.

titchy · 20/02/2023 21:16

The OP is talking about 'very overweight'

Which is what the NHS website describes a child with those measurements as.

23NameChange · 20/02/2023 21:17

SteveBuscemisRheumyEye · 20/02/2023 17:44

@LemonLymanDotCom don't suppose you know of any riding schools in the South London/ Kent border areas??

It might be too far SW depending on where you are based but you can do trial riding sessions at the riding school attached to Deen City Farm near Colliers Wood.

LemonLymanDotCom · 20/02/2023 22:21

SteveBuscemisRheumyEye · 20/02/2023 17:44

@LemonLymanDotCom don't suppose you know of any riding schools in the South London/ Kent border areas??

I’m afraid I don’t know of any personally, I was a north London rider as a kid. Howevs, I’ve had a quick Google and found these two places.

www.tealcic.co.uk/
www.cobbesmeadow-rda.com/

also if you want to see how powerful equine therapy can be, check out ep 1 of Chris Packham’s latest doc on the BBC. I was in bits o tell you

Original poster
SteveBuscemisRheumyEye · 21/02/2023 11:02

A few different perspectives! I appreciate them all. Thanks.

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