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Original poster

DD is Very Overweight

116 replies

SteveBuscemisRheumyEye · 19/02/2023 10:45

I posted this in SN parenting but I think it might get seen more here

DD is 10 and Very Overweight. I know exactly why she is overweight but really struggling to address the problems.

She has ASD and an extremely limited diet (all beige, not a single vegetable and only strawberries). Portion sizes are too big but she freaks out if she doesn't have the amount requested. Have tried gradual reductions but it doesn't work. She's set in her patterns and I just don't know how to break them.

Absolutely loathes physical movement.

I'm failing her and I don't know what to do. I'm so fucking tired - she still cannot sleep on her own and right now I could just cry.

So as not to drop feed, I was an overweight child who later developed an eating disorder. My mother had an ED throughout my childhood, so that's something else I'm anxious about.

OP posts:
Original poster
SteveBuscemisRheumyEye · 19/02/2023 16:03

Height: 155 cm
Weight: 59.3kg

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Original poster
SteveBuscemisRheumyEye · 19/02/2023 16:06

Should add, she doesn't snack. But she also doesn't move.

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Original poster
SteveBuscemisRheumyEye · 19/02/2023 16:07

@OllytheCollie, I'm actually a clinical psychologist specialising in CAMHS.

Makes it worse, doesn't it.

OP posts:

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OverCCCs · 19/02/2023 16:12

Two ideas: one, have you tried cooking the vegetables differently? For example, if you usually steam them, have you tried roasting them in an air fryer and sprinkling some Parmesan on them?

Two, and I have no idea if this will work, but just to throw it out there, is she a stickler for rules? If so, what if you show her dietary guidelines from the government and explain to her that she is not meeting them? Do you think she’d be more inclined to try to get her five a day and eat a more balanced diet? Or will her natural gag reflexes just not let her do that?

Katrinawaves · 19/02/2023 16:15

I also have an ASD child and I wouldn’t be courting regular meltdowns. I’d also be surprised if you are able to access CAMHs support easily for this.

Could you tweak things to make the calorie counts a bit lower. A slightly smaller baked potato with tuna in brine mixed with low fat mayo and no butter. Chicken nuggets and chips and roast potatoes all done in an air fryer. Low fat creme fraiche and low fat Lurpak on her bread in the mornings. Maybe thin cut bread rather than standard slices.

Original poster
SteveBuscemisRheumyEye · 19/02/2023 16:19

@Katrinawaves yes, we do all that you mention re lighter options and air fryer! I think I need to slowly reduce portion sizes.

Agreed re meltdowns, I honestly don't think I can handle it every meal time, plus, I do think it would guarantee making food and meal times deeply stressful.

As a CAMHS clinician I know 100% that there isn't support for this, sadly.

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Iam4eels · 19/02/2023 16:20

I agree that an MDT assessment would be ideal, but getting one is going to be the difficult thing.

The squeaky wheel gets the grease so it's time to be a squeaky wheel.

Contact the school nursing team and ask for them to assess her diet, most areas you can self-refer or if not then get school to make the referral for you. They can refer on to additional services as needed.

See the GP and push them for referrals to MDT about it. Once the referrals are in then ring the secretary of whoever you've been referred to and make it known that you'd take a short notice cancellation (if that's doable for you), also ask for management advice to follow in the meantime.

Ask to for a referral to Occupational Therapy to assess her functionality around eating, movement, motor skills, sensory needs, etc. They will be able to suggest activities that play to her strengths, adjustments that you can make, therapeutic tools you can use. For example, one of my DC has ARFID and really struggles with food, one of the things OT suggested was curved cutlery that's easier to grip and to navigate the food to his mouth so he then doesn't have the fear of it making him dirty if it drops on him, because it makes the process easier too it helps physically get more calories into him.

Look at having a sensory profile done for her, it will help you to identify areas that are issues and then suggest strategies you can use around this alongside a more in-depth report of the findings. This is usually only available privately as it's not currently available on the NHS in most areas, usually autism services run these such as Toby Henderson Trust or whoever you have local to you.

Original poster
SteveBuscemisRheumyEye · 19/02/2023 16:22

@OverCCCs honestly, we have tried everything in the 10 years of her life. She would gag, possibly throw up.

Also, we've built up a lot of trust - I've always said I will never hide things or "make" her try anything. This has been good for our relationship meaning that there is little anxiety around eating as she knows it's safe. There are huge, HUGE amounts of anxiety in almost every area of her life and I just cant face bringing more stress and anxiety into her little world

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Original poster
SteveBuscemisRheumyEye · 19/02/2023 16:23

@Iam4eels yes, have requested referrals to OT and waiting, as agree would be very helpful - she has huge sensory issues.

Hadn't thought of school nursing though, that's a good idea, thank you.

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harriethoyle · 19/02/2023 16:25

SteveBuscemisRheumyEye · 19/02/2023 16:07

@OllytheCollie, I'm actually a clinical psychologist specialising in CAMHS.

Makes it worse, doesn't it.

Absolutely not... my personal life in my professional speciality is far from A +! Big hugs to you.

Have you thought of using low fat mayo, Creme fraiche etc and decanting into normal pots so DD doesn't spot the sub? Just to shave some cals off

Original poster
SteveBuscemisRheumyEye · 19/02/2023 16:28

@harriethoyle, thank you. There's something extra embarrassing when you tell people that you're supposed to be the "expert" and your own child has so many difficulties.

Yes, we do have lower fat stuff but could probably get the super-low cal mayo - she eats so much mayonnaise...

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Alargeoneplease89 · 19/02/2023 16:29

How is she with fun exercise... trampolining parks, inflatable world etc.i know it could be expensive in the long run but showing her exercise is fun might open more opportunities.

I would tackle the food once you get more exercise into her as boredom can play a big role in eating more (if though I suspect its more routine)

Smoothlines · 19/02/2023 16:31

I had a very restricted diet as a child, much more so than the diet you have listed here -although I would eat some fruit. I had no veggies, no potatoes, no fish or meat or pasta or rice etc. No hot food at all. I lived off bread and cheese. I cured myself-but away from my family when I went to university. I wanted to change but I didn’t want them to see it. I think it was a control thing. All I’m saying is, would it help if you weren’t there at mealtimes and you don’t provide the food? For me, I was older, but the change was being in a different environment where I wouldn’t feel judged or watched or commented upon -not that my family would - they were accepting of my limited diet. I’d spent years seeing various doctors -that approach was not going to work.

exampleeleven · 19/02/2023 16:36

I don't like all this wording 'don't give into meltdowns'

If it's a true meltdown, no matter what you do, it won't stop and it won't be placated by food or anything else, it's what the individual needs to do to regulate themselves.

Original poster
SteveBuscemisRheumyEye · 19/02/2023 16:37

@Alargeoneplease89 sadly all of those activities are way too much for her other sensory sensitivities; she struggles to do anything where there are other (loud and I predictable!) people.

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Dillydollydingdong · 19/02/2023 16:38

I suppose you've considered Prader Willi as a possibility?

Original poster
SteveBuscemisRheumyEye · 19/02/2023 16:38

@exampleeleven yes. And they're horrific. I couldn't do it to her

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MadeofCheeese · 19/02/2023 16:38

Hello
Have you tried the exercise game on the switch?
I think it is called "ring fit".
It may be worth a try if you can't find any outdoor activities your DD enjoys. X

Original poster
SteveBuscemisRheumyEye · 19/02/2023 16:39

@Smoothlines she just wouldn't eat at all. She can't drink plain water and at school she got heat stroke because they wouldn't allow diluted squash and she won't drink water

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newmum1976 · 19/02/2023 16:40

I would probably keep her food and portion the exact same, but be very careful not to increase the portion size AT ALL. In a couple of years she will have grown and things will even out. Can you get her swimming? Bouncing on the trampoline? Dog walking etc to keep her active.

Original poster
SteveBuscemisRheumyEye · 19/02/2023 16:40

@MadeofCheeese yep, we have a ring fit. Doesn't like it.

Sorry, I know it sounds like I'm just giving excuses but we have honestly tried

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Original poster
SteveBuscemisRheumyEye · 19/02/2023 16:44

@Dillydollydingdong deffo not PW. Weight gain only happened over the last couple of years. Plus, no LD at all.

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Rainbowclimbinghigh · 19/02/2023 16:48

SteveBuscemisRheumyEye · 19/02/2023 16:37

@Alargeoneplease89 sadly all of those activities are way too much for her other sensory sensitivities; she struggles to do anything where there are other (loud and I predictable!) people.

Trampoline in the back garden?

Notonthestairs · 19/02/2023 16:49

I'm trying to think of peaceful, calm activities - 1-2-1 golf lessons or metal detecting? Appreciate that sounds quite random but if - like me! - she doesn't like noise or people it might work.

What is she interested in?

PennyRa · 19/02/2023 16:49

Have you tried playing with food in a non food way? Like as things for crafts or sensory type things? Doing surgery on a grape?

The idea is to get them used to the smell look and texture in a way that doesn't put any pressure on the food part of food.

After they are comfortable (could take months) you start modelling things like lickings your fingers after you've squished a strawberry and if they are truly comfortable they start to mimic those things. Over time you slowly build up to seeing them as foods again.