Cooking is a bone of contention- help me learn?!

[Cantcookhavetocook]

Ever since we got together my husband has cooked all of the evening meals. I hate cooking and genuinely believe I am crap at it, have no repertoire of things to cook and seem to make a mess of it even when following recipes. I also get stupidly stressed by the mess and never being able to get timings to work. Whenever I have cooked for other people I have felt mortified as it has seemed obvious to me that they haven’t enjoyed it. I know it’s all about practice but I have admittedly always taken the easy way out and never got off my arse to sort it. Not proud of this but can’t change it now! When I was young and single I got by using jars and very simple (often processed) stuff, but now we have a toddler I don’t want to rely on rubbish convenience food. Husband seems an effortless cook, just whips tasty things up from scratch without recipes, but I know that at some point he too had to learn, and this is no excuse for me not to pull my weight!

The reason I’m having this epiphany is that we are now at a point where I am on maternity leave and he works full time, mostly from home but with a few long days out a month, is about to take on a new role with more responsibility, and he still cooks tea every night. I am ashamed to say he even rushes home when not working from home to make sure he’s able to cook. No point in flaming me, I know this is shocking!

So long story short, can you help me scrape together a repertoire of simple but healthy meals with everyday ingredients? I have an almost 3-year-old and an 11 week old baby, so I need to be able to easily get the ingredients and cook while managing them aswell. I know I could Google recipes for spag bol and stuff, but they always seem complicated with red wine etc. I just want family friendly recipes that taste pretty good but aren’t too taxing on either the shopping or the cooking front. I suppose budget friendly would be a bonus too!

I will massively appreciate any help you can give
me to become a domestic goddess!!! Thanks in hope!

DH really cannot cook at all. But he can make stuff from The Roasting Tin cookbook.

Just making something that was nice raised his confidence a lot as previously he was just too nervous to even try.

Also, this book is great as a complete starting point.
It tells you how to prep veg, how many potatoes to serve per person, how to make an omelette/mashed potato/ roast a chicken etc.

Start off with easy recipes with few ingredients

Roast chicken - into the oven and out an hour and a half later.
Anything else you can you put in a tray in the oven and come back when its done - fajitas, chicken or meatballs in a tomato sauce
Lasagne - couple of minutes at the hob browning the mince and veg, then its in the oven. (This is easier for me than spaghetti where I'd have to stand over the hob making sure it doesnt boil over etc).
Burgers - beef burgers very simple and very few ingrdients. Chicken burgers - so many varieties which only need a couple of ingredients.
Pizzas are really simple for a treat.

Sides - boiled veg, roast baby potatoes, flavoured chips made from baby potatoes.

I always have chopped frozen peppers, mushrooms and onions in the freezer for the days when I am short of time.

The Eat Well for Less series focus on straightforward family meals so picking up one of their cook books could be a good start.

Also just getting the hang of simple wholesome things like omelettes would mean you can always throw together a simple, healthy tea.

I came on to say Jamie’s Ministry of Food book. Brilliant for learning basics. My children used to love the cheesy pasta thats made with crème fraish or however you spell
it 😂

I’m a completely intuitive cook and I’ve never made anything the same way it with the same ingredients twice! I’d be shite at teaching anyone to cook but then no one taught me, I learned from
books or the TV.

I totally agree with the suggestions of the Gusto / Hello Fresh boxes for a few weeks. Just get 3 meals a week initially. There are lots of discounts so it’s not too expensive to start with. The recipe cards are excellent and once you’ve made something you can repeat that meal as the cards have all the ingredients / instructions.
Id say the biggest thing is to plan ahead though. Sit down, plan each meal, write a shopping list based on the meal plan. That way, half the job is done as you’ll know what you’re cooking and that you’ve got all the ingredients.

Learn to make a basic tomato sauce which can form the base of emergency pasta, spag bol, lasagne home made pizza etc. you could do it in a slow cooker then blend at the end with a hand blender.

Make loads and freeze. Mine is chopped onions, garlic. Soften in oil, add tinned tomatoes and chopped courgette then simmer for an hour. then blend.

I would add a stock cube or other spices/salt and pepper depending what I’m making.

Learn to roast - the Jamie Oliver ministry of food book has a few roasts. Try the beef as it’s the easiest IMO.

Learn to make rice. As that can be easy for people to mess up but it’s so simple.

Stir fries are good. You can use either a packet sauce or hoisin for that.

We have a bread maker to make pizza dough which tastes nicer than shop bought.

If you find reading and following a recipe hard then watch recipes on YouTube instead.

Get a food processor to help speed up cutting and cut down on mess and the learn a couple of base recipes that can make different meals. My children love a tomato sauce. My base recipe is:
half onion
carrot
teaspoon lazy garlic
any other veg I have lying around like courgette, aubergine etc
carton passata

cut all the veg in the food processor and fry for 5-10min in a saucepan. Add passata and about 100ml water. Simmer for 20 min.

I put the mix in my nutribullet as they like it really smooth but you don’t have. Mix with pasta and sprinkle cheese on top.

If you want to change it slightly add chorizo, bacon or chicken.

Or for spag bol fry mince and add the sauce. Simmer for 15 min all together.

Turn it into a pasta bake by tearing up a mozzarella ball and adding some to the sauce, stir into pasta or gnocchi and add more mozzarella to the top. Cook in the oven for 15 min.

you can make a large batch, portion up into freezer and use as and when you need it.

Cross post with @Believeitornot great minds!

Second Ministry of Food or any Delia. Beware of Internet recipes (and even some books) as they can be nonsense/wildly out of whack.

I also like the River Cottage Baby and Toddler book.

if you cook meat, buy an instant read thermometer. Takes all the guessing out of “is it done?” I am vegetarian but cook meat so this is invaluable.

I also would volunteer a couple of meals a week and then stop- especially if you are going back to work. You don’t have to cook!

I follow Taming Twins on social media. She comes up with easy to follow family meal plans and often videos of how to make the recipe.

I have adhd and I am a terrible cook. My easiest go to healthy meal is:

• rice
• salmon cooked in the oven (put foil on it so it doesn’t dry out)
• steamed veggies peas, carrots broccoli
• i put out a bottle of soya sauce in case people want more flavour and hubby adds fresh chillies to his

These are all good tips. I would add that once you have chosen a recipe gather together all your ingredients and weigh/portion them out before you start to cook. More washing up but makes actually cooking much calmer if you are nervous

Is here anything you can cook? For example can you boil pasta? Make a bacon sandwich? But a jacke potato in the oven? Heat a tin of beans?
If yes to any of those you have something to build on so start there. A lot of cooking is confidence.
Also, think about the things you and your family enjoy eating and then google the dish with the works quick and simple in front.
Whilst your learning if you are finding it over whelming, think about using some pre prepared ingredients to simplify things. E.g ready chopped veg, or say you had a recipe to make a pie, make the filling then buy the pastry. Obviously over time you can build the skills to do the whole lot from scratch but a combo of from scratch and preprepared may be a more manageable place to start.

I was always a pretty average cook - im easily distracted and would put things in the oven and wander off.

I invested in a thermomix and it's so easy to follow recipes using it.

For outside the thermomix I find if I have everything prepped and ready to go (ie weighed out, chopped etc) I'm more focused and better able to follow recipes.

I also clean as I go. Makes it less stressful.

My brother does all the cooking for his wife and two children. She doesn’t really want to cook, he does want to cook. She’s part time at work but everything is split between them amicably. I’ve never seen them have a cross word.

Some people love to cook. My brother is one of these people. He also plans the meals and does the shopping. He’s happy with that. Perhaps your DH is one of those people. Show your love by picking up other stuff perhaps?

OP, your husband working long hours and then rushing home to cook is what many, many women do (and much more!) constantly.
If he enjoys cooking and finds it effortless, then I don't think you really need to worry too much.

If you want to reduce stress on your DH, then he could start cooking larger amounts and then freeze some so there's easy meals to grab out of the freezer on a busy day. You could just set the table, prepare a side salad or side veg or whatever so that it's ready when he gets back.

I do think anyone can learn to cook but if it's not something you enjoy, then there are plenty of other ways you can contribute to the running of the house. I know that's not what you asked but thought it was worth mentioning.

Can you cook with him so that you’re learning on the job

I agree with traybakes and one pot dishes.
I'm a good cook but when I had dc that young, I cooked simple dishes like that.
Easy to manage and less washing.

Have a look through the recipes below and see what takes your fancy. Look at the ratings and sometimes the comments are helpful

www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/collection/traybake-dinner-recipes/amp

www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/collection/one-pot-recipes/amp

realfood.tesco.com/category/one-pot.html

I agree with this, and would add to prepare/ chop everything before you start actually cooking.

Some recipes will give you a list of ingredients where it will just state the amount you need, ie one red onion, and it's not until you read the method that you know whether it needs to be sliced or diced. Other recipes will state that in the list of ingredients.
Whichever is the case, prepare and weigh out everything before you start, otherwise you can soon get in a tizzy trying to chop something while keeping an eye on a pan.

Eventually you will find your own rhythm, I often re-write a recipe out because I don't like the order they have suggested. A lot of recipes start with "pre-heat the oven" but if I know it will take me thirty minutes to get all my prep done then it's pointless putting the oven on too early.

OP I suspect part of what is hindering you, may be the practical processes…?

So, for instance, any sauce will have some ‘base’ ingredients to add flavour (these will differ but are generally onion/garlic).

So: 1)put a pan on, medium heat (so medium flame on gas or just half way up the electric hob numbers);

2. let pan warm slightly, then add oil. A smallish circle in the centre of the pan around the circumference of a normal mug size

3. let the oil heat up and swirl to spread it around the pan so all the surface is covered

4. add onions, cook until they are changing colour but not fully brown, then add garlic (keep an eye on garlic, it can burn so it only needs a minute or 2)

5. if adding any herbs/spices/wine, I do it now, to allow their flavours be released. Create a little hole and add whichever. Herbs/spices don’t take long, just enough that you can smell them. Wine should practically evaporate.

6. if you are adding any other veg, do it in order of (what I call…) ‘hardness’ so generally the ‘harder’ it is the longer it will take to cook. Add them one type at a time, cook each type until it’s about 3/4 cooked then add the next type. (By way of example, if adding mushrooms, peppers & courgettes, I would add in that order so as not to end up with mushy courgettes… but it’s only a few minutes in difference between each Being added, not hours!)

7. add the wet component. So chopped tomatoes/stock whatever. And allow to cook further. Most sauces can be left on low for a decent time now.

If adding meat, I’d add between 4 & 5 but some recipes say to brown first (I don’t tend to do that as I don’t have time!)

The items in the pot should be stirred frequently, but not constantly… just enough to stop burning/sticking… but it’s contact with the pan that allows cooking!

This book was another of my my student cookbooks - it’s lovely to see that it’s still in print! And it really does start with telling you how to boil an egg 😀

Oh yes and as @grannycake says, all ingredients are prepped before any cooking starts!

I started with a student cookbook. That helped build my confidence and easy to measure with mugs rather than grams and litres. Not too complicated recipes with not many spices. Start with few cheap but healthy ingredients and steps.
I then moved onto a Mary Berry cookbook, her recipes are simple and easy to follow.