Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Who gets to ‘see’ baby first after birth ?

96 replies

Ifyoudidnt · 18/02/2023 16:22

If you had to have a GA for c section birth did your dp/dh wait till you’d seen baby before sending photos / announcing birth ?

Am I being really precious about this ? I’ll have to have a GA and have said that I don’t want others to see baby until I have !! I don’t want to come across as unreasonable but I feel like it’s very important to me - there’s no choice over birth but there is choice over what happens after ?

OP posts:

Emmamoo89 · 18/02/2023 18:34

Yanbu x

RosieRainbow1986 · 18/02/2023 18:36

I definitely agree with you! You get to see your baby first!!

RosaBonheur · 18/02/2023 18:37

Given that you won't be awake to see your baby being born, you're entitled to do pretty much anything you like to help you reclaim that moment for yourself and your husband should be 100% supporting you in that.

It sounds like he doesn't quite comprehend what a big deal this is.

You could say to him that since you don't get to be conscious during the birth, you want to be the one who announces it to your loved ones first, which means he absolutely should not be doing that while you are still unconscious.

Do you know what you're having? I'd hate it if other people found out whether I'd had a son or a daughter before I did.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3rd trimester Childbirth Families General pregnancy

DottieUncBab · 18/02/2023 18:40

Yanbu you are both the parents of the baby so you should both be able to meet the baby for the first time together :)

diddl · 18/02/2023 18:53

Not arguing but when I said he looked at me like I had two heads and raised his eyebrows like I was being strange about it ??!!

Tbh I can't fathom that on being handed their just born baby, someone's first thought would be to take pics to send rather than wait for mum to come round!

Or on being asked not to do it they thought it was a strange request.

Reugny · 18/02/2023 18:53

WTF?

Why is he on his bloody phone?

Both his and your phones need to be switched off. Anyone contacting you can have their calls go to voicemail or not get any replies.

He's got an important job to do while you haven't come round which is caring for his newborn.

Only once you have come round and you are both OK/stable should he be taking any photos and doing announcements.

UsingChangeofName · 18/02/2023 18:54

Same as the very first reply from @Hidingawaytoday

Kranke · 18/02/2023 18:59

Surely he’ll be too busy holding the baby and doing skin to skin until you wake up!! Doubt he’d be able to making all these announcements and he probably won’t want to - to busy with the baby!! But, if he does take photos, definitely say not to send them until you’re awake. Also he’s hardly going to post them if you’re not awake, as the classic Dad line is ‘mum and baby doing fine’, and he’ll want to make sure you’re ok before he does that.

Fizzadora · 18/02/2023 19:01

I would be telling him he won't be at the birth at all if he thinks what I want is worthy of an eye roll.

C8H10N4O2 · 18/02/2023 19:16

You are the mother, you see and hold the baby first. If you cannot because of anaesthesia then you see and hold first after your birth partner. I'm gobsmacked that he needs someone to tell him this.

iolaus · 18/02/2023 19:28

I think saying no announcements or photo shared until you have met your baby is reasonable

I wouldn't say him letting people know the baby is here and they are both fine without photos is ok - because at that point you don't know they are both ok - there is always a, small, risk with a GA

I do remember looking after one couple where they didn't know the sex and wanted to find out together - but she ended up having an emergency section - we put a nappy on the baby before she went to her dad, he then had her skin to skin (but with a nappy on) we all made sure not to mention the fact it was a girl (and I think we waited to weigh the baby until the mum was awake) then when she had woken up they took the nappy off together

JenniferBarkley · 18/02/2023 19:42

Definitely no photos until you've had a cuddle.

I'd tell everyone that in advance as well - I had my second during covid and we knew DH would have to leave when I left recovery (ELCS with spinal). All family were told in advance that we would be making the most of that time, to assume no news was good news, and DH would ring them from the carpark once he was kicked out.

In the end we couldn't wait to tell the grandparents and so he rang them from recovery, but I think setting expectations in advance will help you. You'll probably also find that most people will fully agree that that's fair enough, which might help your partner cop the fuck on a little.

M08my · 18/02/2023 19:49

I had EMCS under GA.

My vote: absolutely no announcements to wider family till you've woken up and they've confirmed your recovering fine. Wider family can wait.

When I woke up from my GA, I was very ill and it turned out I had sepsis and it was very dreadful. I was fine in the end, but for several hours my DH had no thoughts of anyone but me and DD while they were working out how ill I was, and making me better. He would not have wanted to have to give minute by minute updates to concerned family.

Grannies and Grandads can wait till the following morning for their happy photos, that's my opinion.

Justalittlebitduckling · 18/02/2023 20:02

You will have carried the baby for nine months and then had abdominal surgery in order for
them to be born: I think you get to insist on this!

hellywelly3 · 18/02/2023 20:06

I had an emergency C-section with GA. DH and MIL took photos of themselves with baby whilst I was still in theatre. No one took a photo of me with baby the day he was born. It upsets me still now and that was 20 years ago.

Calphurnia88 · 18/02/2023 20:09

Absolutely not unreasonable, I wouldn't even need to ask DP not to do this.

DontMakeMeShushYou · 18/02/2023 20:09

Ifyoudidnt · 18/02/2023 17:42

Not arguing but when I said he looked at me like I had two heads and raised his eyebrows like I was being strange about it ??!!

Show quote history

That's probably what I looked like when I read your post tbf. I assumed you meant what you actually wrote and didn't want anyone to see the baby before you (which would be insane) but I see you really mean you don't want anyone to hear about or see a photo of the baby before you've seen it yourself (which is reasonable). I assume you've checked your partner hasn't misunderstood you.

Sugargliderwombat · 18/02/2023 20:37

I agree that you should of course get to see the baby before any photos are sent to other family. Just a tip : ask the midwife to take photos and a video of your husband doing skin to skin / having cuddles with baby while he is waiting for you to wake up. My friend likes that she can see his first moments still as she really struggled with not being awake, she really appreciated being able to look back at this

Cantstandbullshitanymore · 18/02/2023 21:30

Ifyoudidnt · 18/02/2023 16:22

If you had to have a GA for c section birth did your dp/dh wait till you’d seen baby before sending photos / announcing birth ?

If I’m reading this right your partner wants to start sharing photos of the baby on social media while you the mother is still under GA? That’s so ridiculous and uncaring. Sharing photos of the baby can wait.

Pricklyheath · 18/02/2023 21:39

Your dh shouldn’t send any pics or information to anyone until you’ve seen your baby.
I had a straightforward vaginal birth and we sat together just cuddling our dc for 2 hours before we told anyone anything.

Kranke · 18/02/2023 21:39

Honestly don’t know anyone who’s had a baby (whatever delivery method) that their first thought was to tell everyone. It’s such an emotional experience, you’re just in the moment. Especially if the mother was under general. My mum had to have me via general and I went into icu for 5 days. My dad called the grandparents to say it was ok, but only after my mum woke up.

Flip

1 2 3 4