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Original poster

Who gets to ‘see’ baby first after birth ?

96 replies

Ifyoudidnt · 18/02/2023 16:22

If you had to have a GA for c section birth did your dp/dh wait till you’d seen baby before sending photos / announcing birth ?

Am I being really precious about this ? I’ll have to have a GA and have said that I don’t want others to see baby until I have !! I don’t want to come across as unreasonable but I feel like it’s very important to me - there’s no choice over birth but there is choice over what happens after ?

OP posts:
plumduck · 18/02/2023 16:39

Sober23 · 18/02/2023 16:38

How come you need a GA and not just an awake CS?

How is that relevant

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/02/2023 16:40

You.

I had a GA during a very exciting EMCS, they suddenly had to put me under and kick DH out of theatre. The midwife in theatre took a photo of her to show him while they were sorting DD out and putting me back together, then took her to him and they both waited in recovery till I’d come round and I was wheeled into see them. It was a while later after I’d fed her and we’d all had a good cry and lots of hugs that he told anyone she was born.

elepants · 18/02/2023 16:40

Tbh I think this is a bit precious. Surely you'd be happier knowing your newborn baby is safe having cuddles with its other parent than lying alone in a cot waiting for you to wake up. I've had a crash section under general, baby went to NICU and it was hours before I was well enough to get to her. Loads of people saw her before I did - doctors, nurses, the resus team - and it was weeks before I was able to hold her. I think this is one of those things that seems to matter a lot until you realise it doesn't.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3rd trimester Childbirth Families General pregnancy
ConfusedNT · 18/02/2023 16:40

9% of women having a CS need a GA, why are people asking for very personal medical details which are irrelevant to the thread?

Gwen82 · 18/02/2023 16:41

ConfusedNT · 18/02/2023 16:40

9% of women having a CS need a GA, why are people asking for very personal medical details which are irrelevant to the thread?

And of that 9% - more than 85% as an Emergency

HateEatingInTheDark · 18/02/2023 16:41

I guess the ‘Question’ is

Has your partner said this is what he is gonna do?

If so, i think he is controlling you
and if this is correct, You can talk to the staff and hopefully baby will stay with you and he wont be able to see and you can ask staff not to tell ‘partner’ anything

elepants · 18/02/2023 16:42

Ah, I think I misread. Obv it's totally reasonable to expect no pictures being posted until you're awake and ready. That's a wholly different thing.

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/02/2023 16:43

elepants · 18/02/2023 16:40

Tbh I think this is a bit precious. Surely you'd be happier knowing your newborn baby is safe having cuddles with its other parent than lying alone in a cot waiting for you to wake up. I've had a crash section under general, baby went to NICU and it was hours before I was well enough to get to her. Loads of people saw her before I did - doctors, nurses, the resus team - and it was weeks before I was able to hold her. I think this is one of those things that seems to matter a lot until you realise it doesn't.

I think you’ve misunderstood. She’s against him posting stuff on fb before she’s even woken up from the GA, she’s not suggesting he’s not allowed near the baby.

Ohifyouinsist · 18/02/2023 16:43

HildasLostSock · 18/02/2023 16:32

I saw baby first having had emcs under ga, I think (not 100% sure) that dh didn't see baby before I did I think they kept baby with me. He wasn't allowed into the surgery/theatre but it was cat 1 which might have been why no time for him to scrub in. I would NOT have been happy if DH had announced much less posted photos before I saw the baby. Even a "straightforward" birth is an emotional roller coaster your wishes come first no question. Its YOUR baby absolutely you see them before anyone else (bar medical staff of course/those delivering your baby). Congratulations on your pregnancy, good luck for a straightforward delivery and put your foot down!

No husband would ever be allowed to 'scrub in', that's something only medical/nursing/midwifery/ODP staff would do.

Husband's are usually allowed in to theatre to support the woman if a regional block is used, but it's really rare with a GA (only seen it once). After the baby's born and checked over, often the midwife pops out to the dad to show him the baby, but of course if the couple didn't want that, that'd be their choice.

CandlelightGlow · 18/02/2023 16:43

elepants · 18/02/2023 16:40

Tbh I think this is a bit precious. Surely you'd be happier knowing your newborn baby is safe having cuddles with its other parent than lying alone in a cot waiting for you to wake up. I've had a crash section under general, baby went to NICU and it was hours before I was well enough to get to her. Loads of people saw her before I did - doctors, nurses, the resus team - and it was weeks before I was able to hold her. I think this is one of those things that seems to matter a lot until you realise it doesn't.

In fairness nothing in the OP talks about the father not being present or holding the baby before her. Some posters have insinuated that or said that it should be so, but the OP seems to specifically talking about extended family members.

These threads are really annoying though because the context matters and changes the response. If it's the DP that is one thing but if it's extended family/your grandma is dying and might not live the day past your scheduled c section this obviously affects the answers!

ConfusedNT · 18/02/2023 16:43

Gwen82 · 18/02/2023 16:41

And of that 9% - more than 85% as an Emergency

Show quote history

Leaving around 15% that aren't emergency

Again why do you think you have the right to ask for personal medical information that's irrelevant to the thread?

Gwen82 · 18/02/2023 16:45

ConfusedNT · 18/02/2023 16:43

Leaving around 15% that aren't emergency

Again why do you think you have the right to ask for personal medical information that's irrelevant to the thread?

Show quote history

Because it would indicate the OP is very high risk, and so it would be even more shocking if her partner insists on posting news before she’s woken up

HildasLostSock · 18/02/2023 16:46

If there is even a sliver of doubt that your partner won't abide by your wishes btw mention to the midwife/put it in your birth plan that you want to see baby first before anyone takes/hands any photos over even to your partner.

NameOchangeO1 · 18/02/2023 16:47

Yes he did. My second emcs was under GA. Baby was taken to my DH as soon as they'd been checked over. And so he did skin to skin and took care of the baby until I was properly awake, maybe an hour later. No time for announcements, but anyway as it was an emergency he was probably mostly concerned about whether we were ok. I don't think he'd have said anything until he knew I was fine and holding the baby, and you should insist on the same.

Allshallbewell2021 · 18/02/2023 16:50

I would never ever get over my outrage if any photos went out before I'd met my dc. That would be outrageous- who would suggest it?

elliejjtiny · 18/02/2023 16:52

Yanbu at all. I insisted that nothing was posted on facebook until I'd seen and cuddled my baby. Dh and my older dc all saw my youngest before I did and so did my older dc's paediatrician (who was there in a non professional capacity which confused some of the staff!). I was fine with that though but I didn't want grandparents etc visiting before me. I couldn't really say why though.

HildasLostSock · 18/02/2023 16:53

@Ohifyouinsist apologies misuse of phrasing on my part. DH was present for cat 2 emcs birth of DC1 and he said that he had to wash carefully and wear scrubs before being allowed in to theatre hence my use of the phrase he was next to me throughout. DC2 cat 1 emcs he was left behind in the delivery room/accompanying me wasn't an option. I don't know if the difference was the category of emcs or the type of anaesthetic (or both), I was awake for DC1 but not for DC2.

Goldplatedbag · 18/02/2023 16:54

Please tell me there no argument or even discussion about this!

CandlelightGlow · 18/02/2023 16:56

Gwen82 · 18/02/2023 16:45

Because it would indicate the OP is very high risk, and so it would be even more shocking if her partner insists on posting news before she’s woken up

Show quote history

To play devil's advocate though, perhaps the families are aware that the birth is going to be high risk and are also really really anxious on behalf of the OP and her baby.

That doesn't mean they are entitled to a picture first, but perhaps it's how the conversation has come up which we wouldn't have to speculate about if the OP had given more detail

Vallmo47 · 18/02/2023 16:57

Sharing pictures and announcing birth of baby is a joint decision so yes 100% you should meet baby long before this happens.

PuttingDownRoots · 18/02/2023 16:57

When DD2 was born, DH was away with Army. I was very clear... no one saw photos before he did. Grandparents (plus my brother as he was with my dad) knew she was a girl, but no one else did. The "news" the baby was born did escape because people saw the midwives arriving/leaving.

Her name was officially announced the next day after he had been informed, and photos shared after he had recieved his by email.

(Obviously lots of people saw her before he did as that was 2 weeks later)

No photos for a few hours is hardly an unreasonable ask.

ElfDragon · 18/02/2023 16:59

My exH did this with dc1. I had a CS under GA, and he went ahead with birth announcement and phoning everyone before I came round.

It happened, I’m not ecstatic about it, but the bit that really bothers me is that it was as though I did not count at all. The whole family knew I had a dd before I did (I didn’t find out sex), and that feels weird - still does and she’s 19 now!

Stand your ground, if you do not want this to happen. There’s lots of things that don’t go the way you want them to, and mostly it is possible to move on. I’m still cross that everyone knew dd1 was a dd (and therefore knew her name etc, as we had agreed on a name), before I did (I was convinced I was having a boy, maybe this is part of why I feel annoyed - everyone else knew she was a girl before I did). It obviously hasn’t affected my bond with dd, or any part of parenting, but it very much flagged up the kind of inconsiderate arsehole that exH is - he never did see that he had done anything wrong, or why I might have been upset about it.

Disgruntledpelicanlady · 18/02/2023 17:03

It needs to be your choice really.
Photos of my dd were sent to family and posted online before I had met her by both me and my husband. But she was a preemie in Nicu and I was too unwell to leave the ward to meet her that day. I didn't feel upset at people seeing the photos my husband had taken, I was just too excited to share the news.

ThePoint678 · 18/02/2023 17:04

At most a text to immediate family to say baby has arrived and everyone is well, might be reasonable, if family know you’re going in and they are concerned for your health but nothing more until you’re there with baby in your arms and fully present. What’s the rush anyway?

Okunevo · 18/02/2023 17:06

If you were insisting the baby should stay in a cot or with medical staff over being held by their father (or other close family member if the father was not there) then I'd say YABU. Father allowed to see the baby but not send any photos or let others in to see the baby before you have, YANBU.