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Original poster

I don't really like going out in the evening- is it just me?

76 replies

mamalove1986 · 18/02/2023 15:21

I have three children, 4.5yo and under.

Tonight I have a night out with 5 of my school friends. We're all married, kids etc, so we're all in the same boat of routine, young children etc.

I just can't be bothered. I never can. I would much rather curl up on the sofa with a movie, scrolling Mumsnet, a glass of red, no make up on.

It won't be a late one because I'll drive and I'll go because I know when I'm there it'll be fine. But that said if anyone cancelled I'd be delighted!

Do I need to lighten up. Is this normal!?

OP posts:
skippy67 · 18/02/2023 18:33

StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 18/02/2023 15:26

You're asking Mumsnet.

89% of respondents will tell you that they hate going out in the evening.

Yep!

Pastorswife · 18/02/2023 18:37

A lady from my church recently declined an evening dinner with some of the other women. She was super honest about it: ‘i don’t like going out at night, staying out late, and I’d rather stay in reading a book. But I’d love a morning coffee with you sometime!’
I appreciated her honesty, and I think she had the guts to say what most of the women were thinking! I was quite inspired to be more honest when declining evening events (i hate them too!)

Daniella12 · 18/02/2023 18:39

I always feel unenthusiastic about going out in the evening, and also dislike entertaining. I completely empathise.

exampleeleven · 18/02/2023 18:39

I really like going out and meeting friends / family - but not in the evening! I'm ok if I go straight from work but if I go home first....game over.

I love a coffee morning / breakfast / pub lunch / big Sunday roast with everyone etc but cba with nights out. Think it's also something to do with driving at night and noise - my eyes and ears are old now!

OutofEverything · 18/02/2023 18:41

I love going out in the evening and always have.

OutofEverything · 18/02/2023 18:42

And I think a lot of people get old before their time.

MargaritaRita · 18/02/2023 18:54

OutofEverything · 18/02/2023 18:42

And I think a lot of people get old before their time.

That can happen for sure, and some get into a rut and are reluctant to pull themselves out of it. But for others busy noisy nights out and the more sedate ones too are just not appealing anymore. There is the cost, getting ready, organising kids, and so on. It might not be that bad but in some people's heads it bloody well is!

And as I am much older now, having been a wild thing in the past, quite frankly I see nights out as being for people a lot younger than me. Restaurants are busy and noisy, pubs are packed, if you want a drink there is the cost of getting home if no lift available, and most importantly for us gals is the safety aspect of busy cities and towns at night.

I am 65 now and young at heart, I enjoy all the younger people in my life and hearing about their antics, but don't ask me to join them, I'd rather eat snails. Funnily enough when abroad I really enjoy going out in the evenings, but it is a different vibe and scene, and TBH much more civilised generally. Anyway enjoy your evenings whatever you're at.

OutofEverything · 18/02/2023 18:59

Why do nights out have to be busy, noisy or in pubs? Do theatres, nice restaurants, classical concerts not exist?

saltrock123 · 18/02/2023 19:10

Hate going out in the evening. By 5p.m I'm tired and cranky just looking forward to easing down, having a beverage and some food and being quiet, boring I know ! And now with dark evenings and feeling cold the idea of going out to socialize appeals even less. Much rather be cosied up with cats and the fire on than in some noisy pub or restaurant where I can't hear properly.

serialnamechangingisbest · 18/02/2023 19:22

OutofEverything · 18/02/2023 18:59

Why do nights out have to be busy, noisy or in pubs? Do theatres, nice restaurants, classical concerts not exist?

Pubs are generally cheaper and more accessible for a start. Theatres and classical concerts are less mainstream.

OutofEverything · 18/02/2023 19:28

I like pubs. I also like more sedate evenings out.

helpfulperson · 18/02/2023 19:34

I've been like this since COVID. However I went out to a fundraising quiz a couple of Fridays ago and afterwards one of my friends persuaded a couple of us to go to the pub.

We had a great time, i drank more than I have in years and was poured into a taxi at 2am. I wouldn't do it every weekend but it reminded me how much fun going out out could be.

serialnamechangingisbest · 18/02/2023 19:39

OutofEverything · 18/02/2023 19:28

I like pubs. I also like more sedate evenings out.

I think my nights out in pubs are fairly sedate - drive to a country pub, nice meal with a few friends and a soft drink.

A classical concert is hardly everyone's cup of tea, certainly not mine (and I play in an orchestra in my spare time)!

lovemypuppa · 18/02/2023 19:50

Lunch or tea at 6pm latest is how I've evolved. Ruins my week if I have to be out past 8pm 😁

Original poster
mamalove1986 · 19/02/2023 08:08

Pastorswife · 18/02/2023 18:37

A lady from my church recently declined an evening dinner with some of the other women. She was super honest about it: ‘i don’t like going out at night, staying out late, and I’d rather stay in reading a book. But I’d love a morning coffee with you sometime!’
I appreciated her honesty, and I think she had the guts to say what most of the women were thinking! I was quite inspired to be more honest when declining evening events (i hate them too!)

I absolutely love this. I don't see me being brave enough but, I hope, perhaps one day!

OP posts:
Cococomellonn · 19/02/2023 08:11

I'm the same. I like to relax at home in the evening! I'd much rather go out in the day (if it's a weekend or I'm not working) and be home early.

Original poster
mamalove1986 · 19/02/2023 08:21

So I went and whilst it was the worst idea in the world at 6pm as I was scrubbing the wall where my toddler had created a work of art with a non washable felt tip whilst I was distracted hoovering up the kitchen post dinner. And then even worse an idea by 6:30 as I attempted to do my hair and make up with a 7month old and a 4 year old around my feet, stacking up my nail varnishes on top of each other...only for the 4 year old to open the fluorescent coral nail varnish and spill it on my cream carpet, and worse still try to blame her baby sister.

I was losing my voice by 7pm after a full on day parenting 3 young kids and seeing them all in their pyjamas just made me want to coup up at home in front of the fire in my pyjamas even more.

But I had agreed to do and I went. I drove to a local country pub, had dinner and one glass of wine. Drove home. It was actually really, really lovely and I am so glad I went.

Now, I'm also extremely glad I drove. I have no hangover today and was even more grateful for that when my 2.5yo came looking for me at 6:40 (a lie in, compared to usual standards!) bashing my head with the two balloons he'd brought home from the party yesterday.

I've told my husband I have terrible period pain (half true) and I'm lying in bed with a cup of tea, eating a badly cooked croissant by husband (still, won't knock it) trying to drown out the sound of what carnage is being created in the play room next door by turning up radio 4 beside me.

But it was lovely and I'm so, so glad I went. Also feel like I've done it now so have a long stint again before needing to be social again 🫣😬🤣 although I do agree lunch dates are definitely the way forward!!

OP posts:
DosCervezas · 19/02/2023 09:08

Ted27 · 18/02/2023 17:42

@DosCervezas

It's a bit of a sweeping statement to say nobody likes going out anymore, my social needs certainly can't be met sitting on my sofa in my pj's.
I don't know why you think all the pubs are shut.
I was never one for sitting in a pub drinking but they all seem to be full round here when I pass on the way to cinema, theatre, gigs etc

My comment was hyperbolic rather than intended as to be taken literally.

I even went to a pub that's still open earlier this week. Like someone else said, getting out usually isn't too bad once you've got there.

Soproudoflionesses · 19/02/2023 09:11

I never used to be like this op but am now - would much rather be at home with a nice dinner and glass of wine.

MenopauseSucks · 19/02/2023 09:14

I love both!
Going out tends to be limited to the weekends as everyone's got a commute home but a good night out at the weekends is great!
I'm also happy with hosting people for a meal, having lunch out & also crashing out on the sofa in the evening.
I will admit Jan/Feb/March tend to be less socialising in the evening.
December is always great fun but the dark nights of winter put me off a bit but now the days are lengthening...

pictoosh · 19/02/2023 09:27

Well done you. A previous poster likened it to exercise in that you sometimes have to force yourself to do it but you’re always glad you did.

Fwiw, I’ve recently started meeting up with one of my good friends for breakfast out. We go for a walk then get something to eat about 10. Has been a great way to catch up that suits morning larks like us.

My kids are older now so I’ve gone full circle and have begun wanting to go out in the evening again. I spent 15 years through three children feeling like you.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 19/02/2023 11:22

Good job, OP - I'm glad you went and enjoyed it!

OhButWhy · 07/09/2024 18:56

mamalove1986 · 18/02/2023 15:21

I have three children, 4.5yo and under.

Tonight I have a night out with 5 of my school friends. We're all married, kids etc, so we're all in the same boat of routine, young children etc.

I just can't be bothered. I never can. I would much rather curl up on the sofa with a movie, scrolling Mumsnet, a glass of red, no make up on.

It won't be a late one because I'll drive and I'll go because I know when I'm there it'll be fine. But that said if anyone cancelled I'd be delighted!

Do I need to lighten up. Is this normal!?

I'm a bit late to the party but here's what I have to say: it's normal! I'd say most of us get a lot of social life in daylight hours with other mums. Evenings are to rest and restore sanity. Ever been out and realised the next day that you can no longer do both: underslept and a bit hungover? While mummying? It's hard, depressing and your interests simply no longer align with "out till late, having a glass of wine". My hubby and I mostly go out for lunches (it's actually fun BC kids are less cranky to stay with a sitter and you can pretty much do everything in the afternoon as in the evening in UK + sometimes I send hubby back and stay an extra hour to go see a shop or two in town). Same with friends! Have lunch, our kids have a playdate with our friends kids who are usually of different age and everyone is very happy. In fact I'm answering this BC we have one of those "have to go out to an event" things coming up and it's going to be in the evening :)) so I was asking this same question lol

JaneJeffer · 07/09/2024 19:25

I'm a bit late to the party
Only a couple of years almost

Aussieland · 07/09/2024 19:31

No kids and I hate going out in the evening. Give me a brunch catch up any day of the week. After 8pm I turn into a pumpkin (unless I am at work) and must be home