I really really need to change

[Valentina12]

I’m so unhappy with how I look (and feel) and I don’t know how to change it 😞

I am overweight. I’m 5’2 and 12 stone, wearing size 14. Because of my height I look absolutely dreadful. I keep trying to diet and exercise, I last a month and i just can’t seem to keep it going.

I have endometriosis. I’m waiting for an operation but it’s so painful and it’s really pulling me down. When it flares every month, i struggle to eat well (and I really struggle to exercise with it). It also causes a lot of swelling making my stomach look a lot worse.

my skin is horrific I have awful rosacea. I have no nice clothes because nothing fits or looks good on me.

i know this sounds a massive pity party but I’m terrified my husband will stop fancying me (he’s never said a word but it happens doesn’t it). Sex life is virtually non existent (he says the endo pain makes him worry about hurting me) and I just feel so unattractive.

I’m 38. We have two kids who are 9 and 5. Life should be getting easier but I just feel a total wreck. I have no energy. I don’t know how to change any of it.

I know how you feel. It all slowly, without noticing, affects who you are and how you behave every day. Your children are young and need you a lot still so even finding the energy to do one small thing for yourself seems unlikely. But it's really important you try otherwise nothing will change.

Do you have time for yourself? Time that is prearranged and you can do as you please with? You don't have to immediately start some mad diet or exercise routine. Just have a clear stretch of time where you can "be".

I think you have to break it down and not try and do everything at once.

You mention exercise can be painful but can you walk? Swim? Lift some weights with your arms? Yoga? Try ticking off a certain number of steps a day every day for a week and see how you feel. Or getting 3 swim sessions in. Take the win and be proud.

Next week try and think of a nice filling breakfast under 500 cals that you enjoy. I like oats with protein and berries. Try having that every day for a week whilst carrying on with the steps.

I'm sure you can see where I'm going with this but I think it's about doing what you can, taking a bit of control and time for yourself.

In the meantime buy some clothes that fit. Go on vinted if you don't have much money (and sell some of your own)

Best of luck.

Don’t be so hard on yourself OP, you have a lot going on and your husband sounds understanding about that. If you’re capable, start out very small with a slow walk and then eventually build up the duration and the speed. My niece has lost loads of weight just walking her dog, she does 3 walks a day. It doesn’t have to be huge changes, no one can start out doing athletic speeds! I started out with walks and short bike rides, then started lane swimming. Last January I was in the slow lane and very happy with 50 in one hour. Now I can complete 1.50h and 180 lengths. Building up slowly is key but having others there to spur you on really does help. I love seeing the regulars in the pool, they always ask how I got on and that’s enough to make me work hard! Good luck 🤞🏻

Yeah my youngest is fab but really full on and very clingy. Follows me whenever I leave the room, seems to need my input in absolutely everything (she has no interest in her dad helping her, although he tries/will do so anyway even if it does cause a tantrum).

i could have time to myself, my husband is great. We both work full time I should have mentioned that. If I have time to myself I’m usually working to try and keep up. Or cleaning out a cupboard. There just seems to be so many other priorities.

I get like this - I have Crohn's disease and it just wipes me out. I can't maintain any exercise program and have to keep starting from scratch, which gets harder as I get older.
I think you can chip away at this though; you know your endo op is on the horizon, so that will help you. You should make an appointment with the GP about the rosacea and maybe get yourself some azelaic acid face cream for the meantime (this works very nicely on rosacea and perioral dermatitis etc).
You can do a little change in your diet too. What can you skip? Ie if you drink loads of pop, swap it for water or a bit of squash.
I also bet you don't look as bad as you think you do.

With regards to the rosacea, look at a cream called Soolantra. It was life changing for me and my skin. I had to get it on a private prescription from a website as my GP wouldn't prescribe it. It was £40 a tube, which lasted about a month and after the first two months you couldn't tell I had ever had it.

You don't have to use it continuously, just when it's flaring. After the first 3 months, I use a tube every 4 months or so just to keep it under control.

Your GP may prescribe it, it depends on your trust

Thank you everyone. Sincerely. It’s all just so overwhelming. I like the advice of small changes though.

Yeah I need to make a GP appointment for my skin. Thank you for the recommendation I’ll ask if they can prescribe it for me

You don’t mention your diet or level of movement / exercise?

Well if the kids don’t give you space to exercise then take them with you. Make a point of walking to the shops - or a long walk round the park. It should be little and often. And with the greatest respect your health and well-being should be higher priority than a cupboard!!

Oh that’s because both are crap 🫤

I walk a bit. I work from home a lot so I sometimes walk at lunchtime (although I’m often too busy at work) and I do walk the kids to school every day. I’m trying to increase my walking

But I work a desk job so it’s pretty sedentary

today - go for a walk. That’s it.

tomorrow go for a walk (bit longer) and avoid any snacking at all between lunch and dinner.

and build up from there

Be honest here and list your average diet.

you will be upset to see it written down

later when you want to reach for crisps, chocolate etc. bring up the post and think how nice it will be to update tomorrow and not feel sickened by your diet

Maybe you can help yourself more if you look into the evidence that shows diet can help ease endometriosis. At least that way you know why you have to change your way of eating?

www.nutritionist-resource.org.uk/articles/endometriosis.html#howcananutritionprofessionalhelp

Hi OP

Id agree with trying to do some
small things each day and build on that.

You have my sympathy as I was in a very similar position ( but single parent so very difficult to exercise at all). I didn’t have endo but a huge fibroid, with the pain and bleeding that accompanied it. I finally had my op late last year. Despite the op being open abdo surgery ( which has left me with an awful stomach!) I can’t tell you just how much better I feel to be free of the pain, bleeding and just general exhaustion. I’m sharing this as just wanted to say be kind to yourself - I can now see that pre my op there was no way I could manage to do the walking and make the changes I now am. Chronic pain really makes life so difficult so please try not to blame yourself. I hope you manage to get your op for the endo soon.

I don’t actually eat that much in terms of chocolate and sweets etc. i just tend to live on bread, pizza, pasta etc and anything quick. My relationship with food isn’t great and I don’t put any effort into it. Quite often I’ll just eat a sandwich or beans on toast for tea.

I’ve recently been eating low fat ready meals and they’re ok too.

i probably drink too much. I will have a glass or two of wine most nights. Never more than that, but i do enjoy it and it’s like a little thing to look forward to once the kids are asleep and the jobs are done. I did dry January and felt a lot better for it so I’m going to cut that right back.

Who does the family cooking?
Presumably your children don’t eat like this?

The exhaustion with the endo is something else! I’m lucky that my husband is understanding about it I can’t imagine having to cope with it on my own.

No. Usually my husband will cook for them they eat at the back of 5 as they have various clubs etc in the evenings. I don’t want to eat at that time - if I do, I will snack all night.

or I do batch cook so there’s often curry etc in the freezer for them. I just can’t be bothered making it for myself later on.

Written down it all sounds chaotic (and like my husband does everything) but it’s not really.

What’s he cooking them? Surely he can just do enough for you to have later?

Is you husband overweight? Do you eat with him?

He does pasta, curry, casserole, homemade pizza, soup etc for them. Some nights they will just have wraps etc if they’ve had a big hot lunch and aren’t hungry or have swimming etc. sometimes I do eat the same thing later on but it’s not exactly weight loss suitable stuff he makes for them.

He’s a big guy but he’s not fat. He eats big portions but he runs a lot and doesn’t really drink.