MIL pestering me for updates on DC when sick

[IfYouDontAsk]

Every time DC get sick my MIL will keep texting me to ask for updates. Which sounds nice except it is every day, sometimes more than once, and if I don’t reply to one of them I then get a guilt tripping message saying how worried she is because I haven’t replied. She will also text DH and tell him that I haven’t replied to her messages. I now avoid ever telling her if anyone in the house is ill but sometimes DH will have mentioned it to her.

It’s happened this week and I caught D&V off the DC so I have been vomiting myself, clearing up DC’s vomit and diarrhoea, changing 8000 loads of vomit covered bedding, getting little to no sleep, house is a tip, no food in the house…you get the idea. I’m not having the most fun week. I am already feeling like shit and having MIL pestering me like a woodpecker is not helping. There’s also nothing much to say except “still vomiting”. I would understand the urge for updates if DC were needing-to-go-to-hospital poorly but we are talking run of the mill (but nonetheless tiring and unpleasant) illnesses

I have tried saying things like “Still poorly and up to my ears with looking after poorly DC so I’ll catch up with you when everyone’s better and things are less hectic” but she doesn’t take the hint!!

Yes, #firstworldproblem but I’m ill and grumpy, so there.

Come on Op! You’ve had toddlers! The rules are simple - never ever reward behaviour you want to discourage.

Two options:-

Option 1 - The Ignore. Respond to an original message if convenient and you want to / feel there is genuine concern. However, once there is more than one message you must NOT respond. If you respond after 2 / 5 / 10 messages then you will reach her that you will respond eventually if she keeps going. You will also need to train your husband here - if he contacts you to moan about you not replying to his mother then the reply is simple “yes - your mum is right - I do feel too ill to look after the kids safely - I need you to come home and take over”.

Option 2 - The Inconvenience. Treat every message as an offer to help. “Awww - that’s so sweet of you MIL - little Jonny still isn’t great and I have it too now. Could you go to the supermarket for us and get us……” Every single time.

It's selfish and tedious of her to continue to be so overbearing. This behaviour is abusive towards others. And rarely are they actually worried.

Respond every time with 🤮💩😭 and nothing else. Bore her into submission.

My late MIL was like this and in the end we never told her if we or do wasn't 100%. She lived abroad and anytime anything serious happened in the UK eg floods, bombs etc she was always sure we must have been in the middle of it. I'd get dh on the same page as you or tell her you're turning your phone on mute so you can rest.

MIL is the same. Obsessed with her own health and if we get ill god forbid! Anyway I’ve started just copying and pasting the same message over and over. When I or DC are ill she gets “still rough, no change” and as we start to improve “on the mend thanks”. If I ignore for a few hours and get the passive aggressive “did you see my last message” I say I was asleep and then she feels guilty for disturbing me. It’s like a bleeding game of chess!

Quite!

She's worried, you only have to text which takes no time at all,it's taken longer to do the OP moaning about her than to text someone who clearly loves you all !

It’s probably easier just to keep her updated! 😀I get that you are frustrated and exhausted but they mean well. Maybe she thinks picking up the phone is more instrusive ( I do). I send a message sometimes, thinking that if they can they will ring in reply.

I have tried saying things like “Still poorly and up to my ears with looking after poorly DC so I’ll catch up with you when everyone’s better and things are less hectic” but she doesn’t take the hint!! *

Then keep sending that text

And maybe add - I'm not going to reply anymore as going to bed /got to clear up more sick
*

I would hate this whether my MIL or DM, and if MIL why is she messaging DIL so often? Bet DMs don’t message their SILs like this

Can't you say they're fine in reply to the first text? Then she won't pester for any updates.

Your DH needs to message her- he won’t.
Ignore her till you’re better. If she’s really worried she can ring her son for an update.

Took me years to get to this point. He won’t do what you’re doing so don’t worry about being rude. Your need to be polite means you are held hostage.

Wouldn't bother me.

At least she cares.

You could reply - were still all really poorly could you get some shopping for us?

I don't always reply to texts immediately but even ill I can manage "we're still really poorly but thanks for checking in".

This - go ballistic at your DH. He needs to deal with this.

Chances are - 10 months later - everyone is fine 🙄

Well you've managed to write all these long detailed posts on here slagging her off!

It would literally take you about 30 seconds to send a quick update.

You need to be assertive. You need to say something like - thank you for your concern. We are ill, but fine. If it gets worse and we need you to help we will be in touch. Until then, please leave me alone in the bathroom.

I wouldn't answer or forward messages to your DH if he tells her in spite of knowing she demands constant updates. Or just respond telling her you are ill and leave it at that.

My FIL does this! We get the exact same text every day. Unless you’re offering to help in some way why are you repeatedly asking? 🙈 It got to the stage it was like you were expected to say something encouraging as if she was getting better. No, she’s still the exact same, end of conversation