MIL pestering me for updates on DC when sick

[IfYouDontAsk]

Every time DC get sick my MIL will keep texting me to ask for updates. Which sounds nice except it is every day, sometimes more than once, and if I don’t reply to one of them I then get a guilt tripping message saying how worried she is because I haven’t replied. She will also text DH and tell him that I haven’t replied to her messages. I now avoid ever telling her if anyone in the house is ill but sometimes DH will have mentioned it to her.

It’s happened this week and I caught D&V off the DC so I have been vomiting myself, clearing up DC’s vomit and diarrhoea, changing 8000 loads of vomit covered bedding, getting little to no sleep, house is a tip, no food in the house…you get the idea. I’m not having the most fun week. I am already feeling like shit and having MIL pestering me like a woodpecker is not helping. There’s also nothing much to say except “still vomiting”. I would understand the urge for updates if DC were needing-to-go-to-hospital poorly but we are talking run of the mill (but nonetheless tiring and unpleasant) illnesses

I have tried saying things like “Still poorly and up to my ears with looking after poorly DC so I’ll catch up with you when everyone’s better and things are less hectic” but she doesn’t take the hint!!

Yes, #firstworldproblem but I’m ill and grumpy, so there.

Repeat every time you are ill that is - not every time she messages!

Why don’t you just block her and let your dh deal with his own mother?

4 words - still shitting and puking. Cut and paste. Job done🤢🤢

Just respond, we are still ill and are now going to bed so i am switching my phone off for 24 hours and do it

Don’t crack! Let DH give her the updates. The guilt tripping about being “worried” will get worse and worse if you keep giving in, because if you give her updates twice a day she’ll feel she has reason to be “worried” if you update her once a day.

Can you not just forward them on to him? Or reply one word sleeping shitting or puking?

Tell dh to deal with it or deal with the sick kids you can't do both

I have this problem- everytime someone is ill... she will call and text multiple times a day to me and DH and want to come over (even though she's not in the best of health herself) drives me insane so eagerly reading replies and sending love and solidarity- we also have all had D&V for the last ten days and washing machine is broken (not envy) and I am just about ready to tell MIL to f right offffff!!

I'd say "you're welcome to come and help. The washing needs doing, kitchen needs tidying, there's a pile of dirty dishes and hoovering to do. I'm in bed ATM. Looking forward to seeing you. Bring overalls,".

I don’t think one message a day to check in is excessive. Could your dh get in ahead and send a message in the mornings along the lines of “bit better today but still not well. Will update again tomorrow”

I would answer that with a request for her to come and collect some washing - will either make her helpful or reduce the pestering!

Frankly? i would tell her one time to stop and that she is being intrusive and not at all helpful.
Then, since she won't, just block her number. That's it. Hand over all contact with MIL to your DH. He is to provide the cute photos/videos. He is to give updates if he's thick enough to tell her of any illness. You have washed your hands of her and it is now no issue.

Your DH needs to be part of the solution not causing problems. Don't unblock her.

In the original OP you said she texts you every day ,sometimes more than once. So only "sometimes "more than once. Except further down the thread you seem to have upped this. Then you say if she was really concerned she would phone you.Surely this would be far more annoying?
I would probably beat her to it and update her once every morning.
I think you are being rather unkind ,she obviously is concerned even if you choose not to see it as this.

She sounds incredibly tedious. I would put her on mute and respond that your husband will update her.

Tell her you're on pay as you go now and don't have anymore credit so can't reply further? 😅 or batteries about to die and can't find charger? Put it on airplane mode so you still have WiFi but normal calls and texts don't go through? Use them on rotation. I agree it's annoying but it seems like simply telling her not to doesn't work!

How would you feel if this was your own mum messaging you? I think you would feel a whole lot different. I get the overbearing mother in law. I've had one for ten years and she's very sensitive to stuff like this. I would just reply when you can and if she moans then your husband explains that you can't always reply at the drop of a hat. In the meantime be grateful you have a caring grandparent because there are many people out there that dont

Surely it’s more “how would her DH feel if OP’s mum was chasing him?”

Time to go OTT with the response.

I'd respond with something like this (have it saved as a note on your phone so that you can copy and paste it at short notice)
"MiL, I'm so busy trying to help DS/DD/The Cat/The Dog with their vomiting and diarrhoea. I've noticed in his vomit that there is X and Y and in his stool there is A and B. Their temperature is 000 and I'm not sure of their blood pressure as I'm not a nurse. I'm really not able to keep texting but suffice to say, if you need an update, DH will be able to answer you. In the meantime, as you're no doubt aware, mum is needed to mop up the sick/wipe an arse/get water/mop a brow/whatever so I'll talk to you when I see you next. I'm going to mute my phone now so that I can get some rest when the kids are getting their rest. All the best"

So you're giving her a very thorough update and you're telling her that if she wants regular updates to contact her son for them as you'll not be responding.

My inlaws rarely bother with my kids. I would rather they called too often than not at all

Just mute her so you can reply all at once. Or make a group chat with DH and he can then see all the messages and reply.

if local to you then ask for help with shopping or caring for you when poorly. Give clear instructions. Eg can you go to the shop and pick up xxx as DC is too ill for me to leave the house right now. If she won’t do it then tell your husband that she won’t help and can he contact her to go to the shop. Send her messages saying have you been to the shop yet? We really need that milk. Let me know when you’re on your way. If no response then keep texting back. Be just as annoying back and send pics of vomit

ultimately you need to put the boundaries in. Is dh an only child so nobody else to bother. Start getting you mum to text your dh every 5 mins asking same questions

very passive aggressive but sometimes people don’t get it.

Pop the mute button on for 8 hours. I bloody love that button!

Me too!

Send photos!

As someone annoyed by MIL texts, I would also be annoyed by my own Mum texts…my mum tends to phone though and I just don’t answer. My mum used to phone several times a day every day but we moved countries so now she bugs my sister instead…who also has to ignore her frequent calls. I think having a mum lacking in boundaries probably has made me less tolerant of the “MIL requesting updates” messages but I also recall the 1 time I (in desperation) did ask for help from her to come over just to feed the non-sick toddler when the other DC and I were sick with D+V, she wouldn’t come near us. My family never once hesitated to come help out if anyone was sick.

Then block! She’s not going to pick up the phone to chase you up, and blocking means you don’t get the woodpecker effect. Let her nag onto fresh air.

I find it annoying enough when DP does a text check-in, usually impeccably timed for when I’m holding back one DC’s hair while breastfeeding the other and trying not to boak myself, and struggle not to respond with a hearty FUCK OFF. If my MIL did it I would 100% block.

Theres a lot of MIL haters in here. Her grandchild is unwell and shes worried !