Leave London for safety

[padsi1975]

Hi. I live in nice enough part of East London. Good primaries and a few good state comprehensives. Very very nice neighbours, easy commute to work. I like London although increasingly find it too busy and noisy (think I'm noise phobic). However, the thing that worries me the most is safety for my children as they get older and more independent. The young teenage son of a neighbour was mugged on his way to school (for a rubbish old phone). DH's friends teenage daughter was sexually assaulted on a weekend afternoon, returning from the nearby shop. A friend who grew up in London says he got mugged a number of times as a teenager. Is this something that I have to accept is likely to happen to my children if we stay here? Surely this is unusual and doesn't happen elsewhere? My friend is a teacher and THREE of her students have been stabbed to death over the last 10 years. She's not from here and says her teacher friends in her home country have never experienced anything like that (and I suspect teachers outside of London would say the same)? I wonder if me/DH have become desensitised to the crime from living here for so long and are doing wrong by our children by staying here. My 11 year old asked to go to the shop yesterday and I said no as my main concern was him being mugged. Am I being paranoid? I can see a lot of benefits for the children by staying in London but this safety issue preys on my mind a lot. Thanks.

I live up north and none of that was on my mind when mine were growing up, even now the kids/teens roam without worry.

My parents moved us out of London for many reasons and this is one of the them. When we would visit family the front of their local newspaper had headings like "Acid attack outside tube" and ours had "Seagull stole chips".

Just moving to a smaller town means youre less likely to experience crime as the population is lower and there are fewer 'wrong' uns'.

Knife crime is creeping in where I live, largely because of County lines but then that is permeating everypart of the country. Safety wise I don't know anyone who has been mugged, I'd happily walk around my area at night. Violent crime is so rare it stays on the front page for months. I worked in a Secondary school and never felt unsafe, although children had been found with knives but again that was county lines related.

If you move, pick carefully as moving out of London means moving away from free activities and potentially access to high level sports facilities etc if your children do that type of thing. I live in Norfolk and there is no diving board or ice rink in the county etc so just double check on those types of things if it's relevant to your family.

the top 10 areas of the UK for violent crime are:
Cleveland
W Yorkshire
Greater Manchester
West midlands
Merseyside
South Yorkshire
Humberside
Kent
North Wales
Durham

London is not quite the cess-pit of violence that some would have you believe.

I live in a one horse town in the west of Ireland and got mugged in broad daylight a few years ago. The scumbag held a 9 inch knife to my neck. I feel a lot safer when in London as I’m always surrounded by so many people.

This is why I left London. Stabbings, muggings, burglary. I just couldn't stay especially not with children. I live in a very rural area. It can be a bit boring, things are far away, I have to drive the kids to various clubs and classes but I don't have that same worry I had in London. Obviously there is an element of crime but no where near the level in South London.

These, like 'London' are pretty massive areas. I live in a very leafy and pleasant area of South Yorkshire and it's safe as houses. I think personal safety is one of the highest priorities when choosing where to live and yes, I would uproot for this reason.

I've been mugged twice, not violently thankfully, in leafy Kent. Shit happens everywhere imo.

I have lived in London for 37 years (my whole life). Neither me, nor anyone in my family, nor anyone I know, has been a victim of violent crime. I know people who have been pickpocketed etc. I suspect a lot of it comes down to which part of London you live in.

Lived in London since since 1998. My only incident was bag being snatched whilst in Chelsea in early 2000s (when this country was in a good state).

I've lived in London for 54 years (nearly my whole life). DB was mugged in the early 70s coming home from school, and neighbour's flats was burgled when I'd just moved in (police actually turned up, that'show long ago it was 😅) but that's about all I can recall. Pickpocketing's going to be rife in tourist areas where people aren't paying attention, and some parts are going to be a lot worse than others because of gang crime. I'm not saying that that sort of crime doesn't go on in the leafy pleasant suburbs, but it really isn't the crime cesspit some people like to describe it as.

I have been living in London for 20 years. Never had a personal attack. Once I had a bike stolen from parking rack. Strangely was the cheapest and crappiest bike I ever owned. There a lot of crime in London because there is a lot of people, but I don’t think there’s a bigger proportion of rotten apples.

These are some of the reasons we moved out of South East London once we had dc. I could never have relaxed. Muggings happened on my street, including to my neighbour’s teen. Hearing that the local secondary school had a metal detector doorway to scan for weapons like in airport security was the clincher for me. That and the litter, noise, dog poo, vandalism and an hour’s journey to get out to the M25.

Sure, you get this in other cities, but in London the nice parts are cheek by jowl with rough bits, so it’s harder to avoid.

Bye then.

Bad things can happen everywhere and I try not to live in fear. We live rurally and I worry my kids will be tempted by a county lines gang or that I might get knocked down in a hit and run when I'm out running on country lanes. In our nearest city there's lots of drink spiking incident, has happened to a colleague and I worry about that for my kids as they get older.

However, I also like a quiet life and couldn't go back to the noise, people, traffic etc. I think I'm a rural dweller at heart.

Yes I think you should probably leave it’s not the safest. Nice leafy outside town is best. North much cheaper too.

where did you grow up?

Like most cities it's got a proportionately large number of opportunists. You do need to be wise and not stand out as a target (victim blaming but it's true sadly). The only incident I personally know of was my cousin getting mugged on the tube for her handbag - she dresses expensively and was going to work in high heels and full hair and makeup with her phone out, she was like a lit-up neon sign to criminals.

As I see it you have two options.

Yes, you could move. But, speaking as someone whose somewhat itinerant parents moved us around several times when we were kids, you get some sort of 'bother' pretty much everywhere.

Or, you could lean into it, get more involved in the community you're living in now and try to actively make it a better place for your kids — and everyone else's.

It (minorly) bugs me sometimes that people will willingly upshift themselves 'for community' but expect that this community will reveal itself to them immediately upon them receiving a new set of keys. If you don't get involved, you won't be involved.

If you like where you live, try to make it better.

You swap one risk for another. I grew up rurally in the 90s and the drug issue was huge. I lost one friend to a heroin OD at 19. (And the positive effect of putting the rest off all drugs for life, however). I suspect drugs are even worse there now due to county lines.
In London the risks are there but you're less likely to be dragged into it with good parenting/friends. Rurally there's so litttle to do and so few people that any teen (however "nice" there home life, can be easily dragged in)

*had the positive effect

This is crazy. 'West Midlands' covers everything from leafy, calm (mostly!) Shropshire to very urban, diverse, rough parts of Birmingham.

Me too. There’s zero crime. The things mentioned by the op just don’t happen. Ds made it into the local clarion when he pinched a Council recycling box to put something in.😂That’s as bad as it gets round me.

Sheffield is one of the safest cities.

Violence is everywhere sadly. I grew up in a small rural town and there was a fight every Friday night. Everyone knew each other and it seemed like a hierarchy positioning thing. Two boys in my year came to school with knives strapped to their legs, apparently because they were scared of being bullied.

In larger places you don't know everyone so that element is smaller, but then there are some total crazies and gang violence.

Rural communities have pretty high substance abuse levels. Drug use in seaside towns seems a worrying problem.

My point is that some people have an idealised view of life outside cities.

Are you 5?

Yes, you could move. But, speaking as someone whose somewhat itinerant parents moved us around several times when we were kids, you get some sort of 'bother' pretty much everywhere

No you don’t. There’s none round me which is why we live here.

We moved out of SE London to a village in Kent about 10 miles from the M25. We have low level crime - antisocial behaviour, vandalism etc which is usually fuelled by bored teens with nothing to do. However just recently we've had a increase in burglaries including an incident at our local station in the middle of the morning where a theft occurred and people who tried to stop it were threatened with knives and told to back off. We've always had a bit of a low level drug problem but I know from talking to people that there are concerns about county lines because we are on a direct train line from a few areas in SE London/Kent borders where there is more of a high level problem.

So whilst I can totally understand your fears and the desire to move I'm just trying to say that even quieter rural areas can come with a different set of problems.