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Original poster

My 21 yo son and 19yo GF plan to rent a house together

212 replies

Menomaddness · 16/02/2023 07:35

This is a good thing generally, they've been together 2 years, spend a lot of time sleeping here and it's time. They both work but not in especially well paid jobs. About £45k income between them, but DS is on a decent career path. GF less so but she's very young.

Rent will be £1200 pm plus bills.

They do not have £1200 left at the end of the month currently, both spend money like water, but I guess when they have to they'll sort that out. DS pays keep of £200pm currently.

What worries me is the future. If they spend all this on rent, they'll never buy anything, but I also recognise that feels like an impossible dream anyway. An ex council flat is about £250k to buy here, so even if they saved 10 or 20% deposit, they wouldn't get the mortgage on their income.

However, I also know that as someone close to retirement with the mortgage paid off, buying young has made my current situation much better than it would otherwise be. I really can't imaging paying £1200 pm rent throughout retirement (more if they don't stay in a starter home forever).

Where will generation rent live as retirees?

Obviously it's a really long way off, but is there something of a time bomb for this gernation of young people?

OP posts:
bloodymary100 · 16/02/2023 08:07

Imagine being an adult, earning your own money and your mum still posting on MN to see whether it should be allowed. £45k joint income for 2 younger adults with no children is absolutely fine.

The reality is that most 21 year olds now will not be able to buy with parental help if they move out of home.

VegetablesFightingToReclaimTheAubergieneEmoji · 16/02/2023 08:08

Where will generation rent live when they retire?

ding ding ding. You’ve hit on the elephant in the room.

if you’ve not been lucky enough to get a mortgage your unlikely to be able to save enough for a pension to cover an ever increasing rent for an infinite time. your going to have to keep working for as long as possible.

who is going to rent to older retirees, when they aren’t as stable on their feet, unable to easily move with your 2 months notice. Imagine being an elderly having to pack up and move every couple of years. It screams an opportunity for the vulnerable to be exploited.

the benefit bill is going to be massive. my view is, the sudden appearance of McCarthy stone shared ownership and rental options is no coincidence.

Original poster
Menomaddness · 16/02/2023 08:09

My biggest concern wouldn’t be my son spending £600 a month on rent, but if he was paying say £900 on rent to subsidise someone barely into adulthood who should still be at home until she can pay her own way. I doubt that’ll be a popular view!

I've tried not to think about that. I'm trying very hard not to be the nightmare "MIL". It's much harder than I imagined when I was frustrated with my MIL, who in hindsight was just worried about her boy.

OP posts:

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General money
Original poster
Menomaddness · 16/02/2023 08:11

bloodymary100 · 16/02/2023 08:07

Imagine being an adult, earning your own money and your mum still posting on MN to see whether it should be allowed. £45k joint income for 2 younger adults with no children is absolutely fine.

The reality is that most 21 year olds now will not be able to buy with parental help if they move out of home.

I've never asked if it should be "allowed". I said in PP it's a good thing and time. I was just hoping for a discussion on the future of people who end up privately renting forever.

OP posts:
ITotallyPaused · 16/02/2023 08:11

I moved out with my partner at 19 - our combined salary went from £30k to £150k+ by our late 20's as we progressed in our career. We went from renting a tiny studio flat for £400 in a really grimy area to owning a house in London.

In the nicest way possible - mind your own business and let them live their life. They will find their own way.

Topamaxtwit · 16/02/2023 08:12

You're so naive OP.

Is this what happens when the "I'm alright Jack" clan suddenly realise their adult children "aren't alright" 😂 all this new fangled shock and horror at todays world.

ITotallyPaused · 16/02/2023 08:12

Also your comments regarding the GF's career ambitions or lack of are really disgusting - don't be so judgemental.

MaverickGooseGoose · 16/02/2023 08:13

I started renting with now DH in 2004, it was £900pm then for a one bed maisonette. Can't remember our salaries but for a year of it he was doing PGCE so it can't have been that high, i must have been on about 30k ish.

We saved and saved and bought our first flat for 180 in 2006.

The problem now is that first flat has recently sold for 280. 1 bed first floor flat shared garden.

To answer your question on how you afford rent when retired - you need a decent pension and they should start thinking about this now whether they rent or buy. I totally expect there to be kids all pension by the time I retire, the younger generations really need to know the importance of this.

GramCracker · 16/02/2023 08:14

It is a privilege of the wealthy to be able to simply continue living wherever you started. People seem to think this is a given right 'but I'm from here!'.

If you want to get on the housing ladder (or career ladder for that matter) simply consider moving area. This will give you an advantage over others. I understand people want to be near family / old friends but sometimes 'want' is not the same as 'need' i.e. it is not imperative.

I moved area to get on the property ladder. I paid a massive £50k for my beautiful stone terrace with far-reaching uninterrupted rural views, very fresh air, strong community and excellent transport links. Couldn't be happier.

Original poster
Menomaddness · 16/02/2023 08:14

ITotallyPaused · 16/02/2023 08:12

Also your comments regarding the GF's career ambitions or lack of are really disgusting - don't be so judgemental.

Judgemental? I'd said she's young and hasn't yet found her path.

OP posts:
Roselilly36 · 16/02/2023 08:16

Handhold OP, I am in a similar situation with my DS around the same age, he is hoping to leave home next year.

He is saving hard for a deposit at the moment. We relocated from the SE to Norfolk, for many reasons including the property prices, as they was just no way, my DS’ could afford to buy in the SE with the limited help we could give them.

I will miss him so much when he leaves home. His GF is in her early twenties. They seem very happy together, which I am really pleased about.

DH & I definitely couldn’t say they were too young, as we lived together at 18, in a tiny flat we were buying, no money, at mortgage & bills to pay. I don’t think anyone thought our relationship would last, we have been together 30+ very happy years. So young relationships can last.

Original poster
Menomaddness · 16/02/2023 08:16

GramCracker · 16/02/2023 08:14

It is a privilege of the wealthy to be able to simply continue living wherever you started. People seem to think this is a given right 'but I'm from here!'.

If you want to get on the housing ladder (or career ladder for that matter) simply consider moving area. This will give you an advantage over others. I understand people want to be near family / old friends but sometimes 'want' is not the same as 'need' i.e. it is not imperative.

I moved area to get on the property ladder. I paid a massive £50k for my beautiful stone terrace with far-reaching uninterrupted rural views, very fresh air, strong community and excellent transport links. Couldn't be happier.

We are in the cheap area though. They'd have to move 150 miles, away from their jobs, to find somewhere cheaper.

OP posts:
Wfhandbored · 16/02/2023 08:16

To be fair they're 21 and 19. Let them go and rent a flat and enjoy life as a young couple. They don't earn enough to be saving for a house yet and they want to stretch out their wings and fly the nest. Good for them. In a few years they'll be in a position to save and buy. Also, if their relationship goes up the swanny it's much easier and less ties to sever in a rental.

Topamaxtwit · 16/02/2023 08:17

Also I know that my Father in Law called me dim and hopeless after I graduated in Architecture. Does he have a good relationship with his Grandson? No he doesn't.

And if this thread gets in the Daily Mail then OP could find herself in a lifetime of trouble!

Greensleevevssnotnose · 16/02/2023 08:17

It's really not that young. I was a married homeowner at your son's age.

Original poster
Menomaddness · 16/02/2023 08:18

Wfhandbored · 16/02/2023 08:16

To be fair they're 21 and 19. Let them go and rent a flat and enjoy life as a young couple. They don't earn enough to be saving for a house yet and they want to stretch out their wings and fly the nest. Good for them. In a few years they'll be in a position to save and buy. Also, if their relationship goes up the swanny it's much easier and less ties to sever in a rental.

Of course I'm going to "let" them. All I've said to them is it all sounds very exciting.

I was just hoping for a general discussion on the future for courses like them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Menomaddness · 16/02/2023 08:18

Greensleevevssnotnose · 16/02/2023 08:17

It's really not that young. I was a married homeowner at your son's age.

So was I!

OP posts:
LIZS · 16/02/2023 08:24

They might be better off on a flat or house share but it is up to them . Hopefully their salaries have scope to increase faster than rent. Ds rents a flat with a friend in a "cheap" area of London but rent is still more than half his take home. He did save a bit first by living at home while working.

THisbackwithavengeance · 16/02/2023 08:26

They will be fine, OP.

Either they will progress in their careers and buy somewhere or they won't and may end up reliant on the state.

Or very likely they will in due course inherit from you and the in laws and get a load of cash that way.

They are making the right decision. Time to be adults. They will have to cut their cloth or even - shock horror- get second jobs if they're struggling to pay bills on what they earn currently. Or move to a cheaper area of the UK.

And all those saying let them live at home to save are barking mad.

SleepyMathematician · 16/02/2023 08:32

Menomaddness · 16/02/2023 07:49

Honestly? I'm not going to encourage that. I have a friend who currently has 10 adults living in the house, four adult children plus partners. None of them contribute much in time or money and she and Dh get no privacy and although in theory it's an opportunity for DC to save, in reality it's a comfortable home on the cheap, that they have no responsibility for. None showing any signs of moving out and all enjoying a very comfortable life with loads of disposable income.

If they want to be grown ups, they need to be grown ups IMO.

Show quote history

I agree with you here. We’ve ended up with one in their late twenties and one in their mid twenties, and their partners, all still living with us in a 3 bed. They’re undoubtedly saving quite a bit but they’re also living the life of Riley compared to DH and I and with a ton of disposable income, which we don’t have. We have no space to ourselves and no privacy. It’s all very well posters saying give them an ultimatum but in reality it isn’t that easy. We told the eldest they had to be out by last summer but it didn't happen; they’ve now assured us they’ll find somewhere by this summer. I love them and don’t want to cause a lifetime of resentment by chucking them out onto the street.

I’m not actually convinced by the by your own house narrative nowadays anyway. All our house has meant is we’ve had a lifetime of poverty because we’ve been entitled to no housing benefit which we otherwise would have done, the house needs a ton of work done on it we can’t afford, and it will undoubtedly have to be sold to pay for our care. I think if we move to a more European renting model (with much needed protections in place for tenants) that’s not a bad thing in itself.

HeBeaverandSheBeaver · 16/02/2023 08:34

This thread just chows the difference in house prices makes to standard of living and costs.

I'm in Hertfordshire and that rent sounds right to me.

My brother lives in Derbyshire and he pays half that amount.

People in the SE might get a better salary (in some jobs) but others are really struggling.

RedRiverShore3 · 16/02/2023 08:36

Can't they rent a room in a house share instead of a small house.

Also not everyone has a large enough house to house a couple for those suggesting they move in with the parents, I certainly wouldn't be doing that if it was DS. DS is 30 and always rents in house or flat shares as it is cheaper.

elm26 · 16/02/2023 08:36

We are in a rented one bedroom flat for £1150 a month in South East, it's not overpriced for this area. Rent is ridiculous if you live down here 😭

Duckingella · 16/02/2023 08:41

To be kind;you have to let them learn to be adults,once they have a place of their own they'll have a huge shock coming their way about how much things cost;it's a lesson in life and they'll learn to adjust in the same way we all did starting out.

It's up to them to budget and change their lifestyle.

JussathoB · 16/02/2023 08:43

I get your concerns OP. It’s much harder for young people to get on the property ladder now than a lot of us expected it to be. However just because they start renting now doesn’t mean they have no choice but to rent forever. In your situation I think I might try to get them to save some money for a few months before they move out ( a little safety net) and then let them get on with it. Take it one step at a time xx