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Original poster

Feeling very selfish but sooo gutted about potential childcare reforms

77 replies

DownInTheDumpster · 13/02/2023 16:27

amp.theguardian.com/politics/2023/feb/10/treasury-considering-huge-expansion-free-childcare-england

Obviously these are only just ideas floating around currently and overall it is 100% necessary changes and a brilliant brilliant thing for parents and children and society as a whole.

But god as someone who has paid 60k so far in childcare and is crawling to the end point of child starting school it’s killing me that if we had left it a few years later we might not have had to pay so much. Childcare has crippled us and I’m thrilled it won’t be the same for others in future but it pains me that we will have missed out on this (potentially!).

Anyone want to share in my pain?

OP posts:
greenacrylicpaint · 13/02/2023 16:30

it's like buying a new phone - it's out of date as soon as you carry it home...

don't look back with regret. no one has a crystal ball and it makes no sense to mourn something you couldn't/wouldn't have changed.

MissWings · 13/02/2023 16:32

Good news. I couldn’t work as it wasn’t financially feasible so my career stalled massively at the time. I have a daughter and wouldn’t want her to face the same predicament.

BrookeDavisQueen · 13/02/2023 16:32

No.

Thinking about what could have been is a complete waste of time and energy and will do nothing for your mental health. You can only deal with what is in front of you. You're nearly out of the childcare years, things will get easier for you. Just focus on that.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Childcare & nursery Families
watchfulwishes · 13/02/2023 16:33

We all need this to happen because our stagnant economy and lack of social mobility is strangling the whole country.

It is a disgrace how expensive it has been. The Tories are cynical twats doing it now after refusing all these years.

MaireadMcSweeney · 13/02/2023 16:33

This is a totally mad way of thinking. If I'd been born 20 years earlier I would have had an easier life. But I wasn't. If you'd waited you wouldn't have the kids you have you'd have different ones. Is that really worth moaning about money you never had so couldn't lose?

Saltywalruss · 13/02/2023 16:34

Spending more time in child care really isn't a brilliant thing for most children though, although obviously it's helpful for parents who need to work.

MissWings · 13/02/2023 16:35

@Saltywalruss

Also allowing the staff to child ratio to increase is not good news.

RNBrie · 13/02/2023 16:36

I'm with you.

But I've also campaigned for the change because my life was made so hard and my career all but ruined because of the decisions we were forced to make due to the cost of childcare.

Try not to be too bitter. Your suffering has led to a greater good, try and be happy for all the generations of women that will follow us!!

thecatsthecats · 13/02/2023 16:56

My brother and sisters got free/virtually free university education, so I consider this my turn for a kickback!

Swings and roundabouts, really.

FeinCuroxiVooz · 13/02/2023 16:57

tbh I don't think this is great news - did you not see that the proposed reforms would be paired with also loosening the ratio requirements for adults to children in order to make the free offer feasible.

The existing 30 hours for 3 year olds (or from 2 for some) already have nurseries constantly teetering on the edge of bankruptcy as the amount received from the government doesn't come close to what it costs to offer the service. those that are surviving do so by subsidising the free hours from what they have to charge for paid hours, so expanding the free hours will (a) make the paid hours even more expensive and (b) reduce the quality of care.

rather than regretting the money you could have saved, be thankful that you got your kids through the nursery years before the spirals of bankruptcy closures and inadequate ofsted reports that will follow if these reforms happen.

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 13/02/2023 16:58

This is what we need, it’s holding women back having to pay for childcare while they work.

We couldn’t have kids and I feel no resentment that people who can won’t be saddled with huge childcare bills.

Comedycook · 13/02/2023 16:58

I get it.

Not quite the same thing but whe my dad died inheritance tax threshold was £250k. Meant we paid hundreds of thousands in iht. The threshold went up to a million. Gutted.

WednesdaysMentor · 13/02/2023 16:59

I get you OP, not the same but DD has 15 hours free, as soon as she started school it changed to 30 hours. We were crippled by nursery fees and with my job only just broke even at the end of the month, just 15 hours more a week would have been such a help

Cuppasoupmonster · 13/02/2023 17:02

DD starts school this year and I have zero wish to have ‘waited a few years’ because then I would have some other kid and not her! I am 32 weeks pregnant though and would be delighted if these plans materialised but I bet they won’t

Tamrastarr · 13/02/2023 17:04

@Comedycook The IHT threshold is not a million!

JennyForeigner · 13/02/2023 17:13

I sort of get you because yeah, three under three (until last term) including twins. We've fought hard with so many others, but one year's difference on this would have saved a decent house deposit. Or five years pension contributions.

But also, it's this government and whatever they settle on will be so mean-spirited, pissy, negative and time-delayed that I'm not going to give them even a fraction of an inch of borrowed credit till we see a concrete offer. Even then it'll be after the next election before anything kicks in because they will want to steal Labour's credit but not to pay for any of it.

I'll be past child-bearing age before the Tories do anything for early years.

VacuumOfOoze · 13/02/2023 17:15

When DD was born we just missed out on being able to take advantage of shared parental leave which DH would definitely have wanted to do. My friends who had DC's a few years later got to do it but I don't actually begrudge them the opportunity. It's just a trick of fate. Annoying timing for me maybe, but nothing I can do about it, and it is a good thing for society as a whole.

Namechanger355 · 13/02/2023 17:16

DownInTheDumpster · 13/02/2023 16:27

amp.theguardian.com/politics/2023/feb/10/treasury-considering-huge-expansion-free-childcare-england

Obviously these are only just ideas floating around currently and overall it is 100% necessary changes and a brilliant brilliant thing for parents and children and society as a whole.

But god as someone who has paid 60k so far in childcare and is crawling to the end point of child starting school it’s killing me that if we had left it a few years later we might not have had to pay so much. Childcare has crippled us and I’m thrilled it won’t be the same for others in future but it pains me that we will have missed out on this (potentially!).

Anyone want to share in my pain?

No - just look to the future for yourself

and be happy for others

by your logic you could regret a 1000 other things at the same Time - what’s the point?!

VogueDarling · 13/02/2023 17:17

Meh these things change all the time

I've always paid stamp duty for example
If I'd been a FTB later or bought my next house a few months later I may have saved ££££

And anyway I don't actually think reducing the care to child ratio is a great thing

gemloving · 13/02/2023 17:18

See it this way, women who weren't able to vote for 25 years, got the chance to vote after 25 years and women fighting for this.

This isn't about me or you (I paid my fair share having a 4 year old and an almost 2 year in the system.

We lead the change for the future. This is beyond positive. It's not personal. It's wonderful!!!

Lkydfju · 13/02/2023 17:20

I get what you mean but I’m quite relieved to be coming to the end of our need for childcare for under 5s as in my area demand far exceeds supply in part because they can’t get the staff and they can’t afford to continue on the money the government gives for 30 hours so a lot are closing

bigbluebus · 13/02/2023 17:23

There's all sorts of situations where "if only we'd been there at that time" applies. As someone mentioned up thread free or cheaper Uni courses is one. But I don't think "if only we'd had DS earlier he'd have a much smaller student loan ". What's the point - it is what it is. We got very limited free childcare/ nursery places too. And we had to adapt our house for disabled DD which we had to pay for ourselves as we did it before the rule change that meant it would have been funded by a DFG as it would have been means tested on DDs income. So added together it's cost us well over £100,000 by our DCs being born too early/too late. Pointless dwelling on it as there's nothing we can do.

Boshi · 13/02/2023 17:35

@Comedycook you paid hundreds of thousands in iht! You just have been way over the threshold which anyway isn’t now a million

Comedycook · 13/02/2023 17:36

Tamrastarr · 13/02/2023 17:04

@Comedycook The IHT threshold is not a million!

Oh gosh, you're right. Just googled. Wonder why I thought it was a million?! Oh well, I'm a little less gutted then 😂

NoGoodUsernamee · 13/02/2023 17:36

Honestly op by the time this gets rolled out (if it even does) you’d of been years too late so unless you started your family much later than you wanted.. it is what it is. I can understand though, the childcare costs are ridiculous.

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