I don’t think I like toddlers. Are they all this awful?!

[JustAskingMate]

Exasperated by this past few weekends. I have a baby girl who is 1. Since having her I’ve made a lot of ‘mum friends’ from various groups who have babies and toddlers of varying ages.

Each one who has a toddler I’ve come away shocked and horrified as whats to come!

Im talking about hair pulling, smacking, biting, screaming, running away and just general feral behaviour.

I completely get the running around and screaming but the aggression of these kids is next level. Because my baby is so much younger she is more vulnerable to harm. Whenever of my friends kids comes near her I pull her away immediately as i genuinely think they’d cause serious harm. The two times I let them get near they pulled her hair and throwed a hard plastic toy at her. For no reason whatsoever.

Those who have small babies plus a nightmare toddler I wonder how they do anything. If left unsupervised for a moment their baby could suffer a serious injury from their sibling.

I love my baby unconditionally so know the other parents do of course, but how they manage to not scream with rage/frustration astounds me and I give them so much credit.

Some of these toddlers I actively dislike due to their behaviour. Don’t find them cute at all and have cancelled any future meet ups with them now as I cannot be around it. I want to give them a proper telling off when they are hitting/biting/attacking instead of letting their parents who they don’t even listen to, but of course I can’t.

I’ve only met two toddlers out of around 12 toddlers who weren’t feral. They ran around and didn’t always listen, but they weren’t aggressive at all.

The parents responses to the behaviours differ. Some just sigh and give a loose telling off whilst others actively tell them off. But nothing seems to make a difference. So I’m guessing it’s just developmental.

The kids don’t seem to care about being reprimanded at all. No fear or upset about being told off from mum/dad. They continue.

Is this behaviour inevitable? How do parents cope? Especially with both a baby and a toddler?

I know I have this all to come and I am dreading it!!!!!

@BlluePeril presumably he does more than not shout. I think she was trying to convey how her son who is a good dad parents his toddler in regards to bad behaviours?

I think it’s just important to remember that they are called the “terrible twos” with a reason - and that every child will pass through the toddler years in a different way. They’re growing up and learning their boundaries, which they will push to test and sometimes that will come with complete and utter defiance and determination. Toddlers don’t have the language capabilities to express how they feel and so will react in the only way they know how, and unfortunately sometimes that will come through negative body language. Every child’s personality and behaviour is different, and it’s how you approach it and deal with it that will safely navigate you through.

I really hope he never says anything like “no toys for the rest of the evening” and you’ve just randomly made that up.

That isn’t a natural or appropriate consequence and a toddler would not be able to understand or learn anything from that.

Toddlers can be twats! They’re all hard work, and you definitely notice it more when you’re trying to protect another child especially a baby. But they’re only learning. They have to break the rules to learn the rules. Also it’s always more challenging at get togethers - toddlers get jealous, have no impulse control and don’t understand how throwing a large toy at another child could really hurt them. I have 2 toddlers as we speak and have one older child and I can honestly say that nothing works. Time out. Shouting. Showing them to be nice I’ve tried it all. You just plough through and one day realise the hard time is getting easier 🫣🤣

Well he obviously did because he never did it again , I think they understand a lot more than you give them credit for it’s simple parenting if you do that again you won’t have your toys for the rest of the evening , it’s teaching them actions have consequences

No it isn’t. It’s fear based parenting.

“Not doing it again” doesn’t mean they’ve understood why they shouldn’t do it again and considering your son does not know how to operate a natural consequence your grandson does not understand why.

How is removing a toddlers toys for the entire evening a natural consequence?

What did the poor kid do go receive such an extreme, unnecessary, inappropriate punishment?

Mine were never like this luckily but they did sometimes get bitten or hit at nursery